Never Letting Go
by AnnieMJ
Summary: What happens when a love so strong overwhelms the natural course of life? Mikayla and Miley can only be torn apart for so long before they learn to never let go. A story about life, love, death, obstacles, magic, and miracles. It's an adventure of sorts.
1. It's Too Late

**Never Letting Go**

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><p><strong>AN**: I missed you readers so damn much! I'm off my little break now and have brought to you a new story. I hope you're willing to take this journey with me.

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><p><strong>Chapter 1<strong>: It's Too Late

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><p><strong>Miley's POV<strong>

Some nights I just sit here. Some nights I just stare at the sky. For hours. And I remember her. I remember how we fell in love.

I remember that blissful moment and then I fall again. But I fall apart.

Some days I get so lonely and she never finds me.

I get scared. I wish I would turn around and see her.

I wish she would hold me tight, but I'm just living in the dark.

I need her now, more than anything in the world. I want to hold onto her forever.

I need her tonight and there's nothing I can do.

It's just love in the shadows.

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><p><strong>Mikayla's POV<strong>

It kills me to be so far, just watching her. She's crying and I want to comfort her. Yet, I'm afraid. I always knew when to leave her and when to hold her. Now I just don't know anything. I don't know her anymore. I don't know the answers.

I could fake something, I could lie, but I have to face the truth. Somehow she makes me feel something out of absolutely nothing.

I don't know how to leave and I don't know how to watch her fall apart.

I have to do something. I take my phone out and dial the familiar numbers that I've yet to forget.

Standing in the shadows, I feel my love for her and I can't hide this pain.

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><p><strong>Miley's POV<strong>

When my phone vibrates, my heart jumps in my chest and I sense her. Cautiously, I pick up my phone and swipe my tears away so I can answer. "Mikayla?"

"Hey." Her voice is just a whisper, raw pain flooding out and it hurts me too.

"Hi, what's up?" I ask as cheerfully as I can.

"Don't pretend you're okay. I hear it in your voice," she says and I close my eyes.

"Why are you calling?" I don't mean to say it that way. As though I didn't want her to call, because only God knows how much I need her.

"My heart's hurting. You're hurting," she says and I fall apart all over again, sobbing quietly.

"Why do you do this to me?"

"It's not me, it's us. We do this to each other."

"I don't know how to forget you."

"I don't know how to let you go," she admits. "I don't know how to tell you everything in my heart. I don't know how to leave you alone, because you make me love you even when we're not together."

"I'm tired of hearing my own tears," I whisper.

"I'm sick of not wiping them away."

"I'm tired of needing you."

"I'm sick of not being with you."

"I'm tired of not knowing what to do."

"I'm sick of not knowing what you need from me."

I curl up in the soft grass and close my eyes, listening to her. "I need your arms around me. I need you now. Tonight. To hold me forever."

"What about your family?"

"They said they love me and then they took me away from you. I thought maybe we were wrong, maybe they knew better."

"But they don't," she says coldly.

"Mikayla, shh. That's what I'm trying to tell you. I have been miserable without you, trying to make my family happy. I just…I miss you and I don't know where to go anymore. I'm stuck here and they're not even home. I'm always alone. With you, I was never alone."

"Miley, you have never been alone. I'm right here. Always."

"I thought you hated me."

"Never, I never hated you. I hated your decision. I fought so hard for you and then in the end, after all that, you chose them and not me. I was hurt."

"Sometimes I hate the love we shared."

"No, you hate that you still love me."

"I just…your love…" I sigh.

"Makes you feel empty, doesn't it?"

"Don't say that."

"What, it's true. Without me, you feel like nothing. Admit it."

I hear the need in her. "Stop."

"Why, Miley? Why should I stop! For God's sake, it's not stop! It's start! Start admitting that you still fucking love me!"

"It's not that easy, Mikayla!"

"It is that easy! All you have to know is that I am here. I was always here. I will always be here! Loving you! No matter how much shit you put me through! I will always want to hold you when you break. I will always want to take care of you. I will always want to love you!"

"Why Mikayla, why do you want to love me?"

"Because…I just do. Your family, all they want is to see you smile. They don't want to acknowledge your pain. They don't want to see that you cry, that you burn, that you die every night you're not with me. But me, all I want is for you to show me that pain. That way I can get rid of it. Even if it kills me, I want to see it. Because at least I know it's you that's with me, and not some fake smile you give them. I'm never gonna care about what emotion you show me, so long as it's real. They only want happy, but I want it all."

My heart feels like she had literally reached in and ripped it out. Pressing my face into the grass, I let out a long painful cry and push the phone into the ground, not wanting her to hear this.

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><p><strong>Mikayla's POV<strong>

Why can't she let me in? All she does is hide in the shadows, but I'm right here and I'm locked in this darkness with her. I want to come out, but how can I come out when she's stuck there.

I need to breathe and collect my own self and I can't stand to watch her break down anymore. I want her to call me for once and show me her pain. I want her to be strong enough to show me her weakness.

I can't handle this anymore. I can't stand here watching her anymore. Not when she doesn't want to let me hear the truth.

I finally turn and begin walking away, my hand falling limply at my side, phone still on.

Her love; I didn't see it coming. I never saw it coming.

And her love was the end of me.

"Miss, watch out!" a distant voice yells.

I look up, but it's too late. Like her love, I didn't see it coming.

I just never saw it coming.

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><p><strong>Miley's POV<strong>

I hear yelling out on the street and a loud thud. My chest aches and without meaning to, I scramble up and rush out through my front gate.

I thought I knew what pain was.

I never knew what pain was.

She was here. She was always here.

I feel weak and what little strength I still have possesses me, and I dash through the middle of the road.

Lying on the rough concrete in a crumbled state is Mikayla.

Collapsing in front of the small crowd gathering quickly, I pull her into my arms, millions of thoughts tumbling through my mind too fast to even process.

My heart jumps when she stirs and those brown eyes meet mine.

My small piece of heaven.

I should have listened. My heart always knew.

I cradle her close, screaming in an agonized voice I never thought myself to be capable of.

"Somebody, help me! Please! Call 911, please!"

"Shh," Mikayla murmurs, her fingers grasping at my shirt.

A man nearby is already making the call and I slide my left hand into her hair only to feel this wet sticky liquid. The bile rises up, a repulsive flavor filling my mouth as I lift my hand to see her blood, just before my breath stops.

"Shh, Miley. Don't cry. Please, you have cried enough for me."

"What do you mean don't cry? You're bleeding!" I shriek, horrified.

Her arms wrap around me as best as they can and this feeling of closeness nearly kills me.

"I _want_ to die, Miley. Right here, in your arms," she whispers, letting out a soft gasp from pain as she tries to hold me tighter.

I pull her closer, clinging to her.

"Please Kayla, don't go. I'm not that selfless…I need you," I cry out, pleading with her.

I need her. To hold on with me forever.

I don't know, but forever starts right now.

"Stay with me and I swear, I'll never let go."

She smiles up at me, her eyes slowly fluttering shut and I can only stare in shock.

"Mikayla?" I whisper. "Mikayla…" She doesn't answer. I shake her body, grip her collar, and pull her closer. "Mikayla, please! I love you! Please don't leave me! I can't do this! Please!" I yell hysterically, burying my face into her neck as I weep. I'm calling her name and I don't know where she is.

How can I live when I'm sitting in the middle of the road, holding onto the lifeless body of the only girl who taught me how to live?

How can I stop weeping in agony as she doesn't take another breath and doesn't reveal to me those knowing eyes?

How can I move when her heart, the only one that has ever loved me completely, has stopped beating?

"You can't go, I can't let you go," I whisper, crushing her body against mine, willing her back to me. "Please Mikayla, please don't go," I beg, the sound of sirens approaching.

"We need you to let go of her, miss," a paramedic requests moments later and I look up at him.

"I can't." It's not that easy.

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><p><strong>AN**: _So, what do you think? Please review, thanks for reading, and love you all._


	2. Time of Death

**Never Letting Go**

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><p><strong>DemenaLuvr<strong>: Lol, I think I do understand cause I was just as excited to see your review [: Thanks so much for the compliment and enjoy the update! : )

**James888**: Loved the review and I'm glad to be back writing again : )

**LovaticLover**: Lol, please don't have a heart attack o: Thanks for saying my writing is good, and I missed you as well L: Enjoy the update!

**FireHeartBurns**: Lmao, nice to see your review, lol! Glad you feel this is gonna be good and thanks for saying my way of hitting Mikayla with a car was poetic ^.^ Lmao! Love ya too and glad to be back! Enjoy now!

**KT**: Thanks for the warm welcome [= Glad you're ready to take this journey and enjoy the update : )

**DoIHaveTo**: Lmao, oh yes, I did miss you all that much :] Awh, thank you so much for that compliment, I really take it to heart [= You can't live without her? Lol, well enjoy the update and hope you like it, lmao.

**ScaryMiley**: Yeah, it was pretty sad o: I hope it gets happier too ^.^ lol and I'm glad to be writing and getting your reviews once more [= Enjoy the update!

**Pyro**: Nice name o.o And I know, that was sad and you'll have to read and find out :p lol. Glad to be back and thank you for the review. Enjoy!

**Faded Innocence**: Glad to be back :D Thank you for the compliment [= And I cannot wait to show what I have in store for you all this time :3

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><p><strong>Chapter 2<strong>: Time of Death

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><p><strong>Mikayla's POV<strong>

How can I explain what this is? I'm staring. At myself. At Miley. At the crowd of people around us. At the two EMT's struggling to pull my body away from her.

How strange is it to see this? My body – I'm dead.

I look around and then back at Miley. Why are they pulling my body away from her? I wish they would let her hold me. That way I can see what I've wanted for so long even if I can't feel it.

They load the stretcher with me into the ambulance and let Miley get on as well. I don't think they have a choice on that one. I run up into the van as well, right before they close the doors, and Miley holds onto my hand.

"Please, don't go," she whispers, kissing my hand and keeping her lips pressed against the knuckles.

"_Hey, I'm right here, Mi." _My words go unheard and my eyes widen. Holy shit, I'm dead! I lean closer to my body to see the gashes on my forehead. Reaching up, I let my hand feel around this head to find no red liquid.

Miley cries quietly, sniveling as she makes so many promises if only I'll come back.

Why did I let myself die? I'm stronger than that! A fucking car accident killed me? This is pathetic.

"_Miley! I'm here, just look at me! I'm here! I love you, too! Can you see me?" _I wave my hands in front of her, but it's not working and I growl a curse as I sit next to her.

Her eyes close suddenly and her grip on my hand visibly tightens.

"I think I feel you here," she whispers.

"_Yes! I'm here! Sitting next to you!" _I turn, but her eyes are fixed on my body.

An EMT rushes into the back with us, pulling out a needle.

"_Oh hell no! That is not going in me_!" I protest before he basically stabs me with it. "_Not cool, dude. Not cool_."

"We need to bring her back! Starting with 150 volts!" He rubs the two electric pads together and orders Miley to let go of my hand. With hesitance, she does as requested before he shocks me.

I feel absolutely nothing. This can't be good.

"200 volts!" he yells and repeats the motion. "250 volts!" he says, continually upping it.

"_I really hope you don't fry my heart, I only get one, you know,"_ I grumble and of course I'm ignored, but then Miley looks in my direction.

"_Miley? Can you see me?"_ I ask.

She lets out a soft sigh and I turn to realize she's looking out the window. She's looking through me, past me, but not at me. She can't see me.

Either I'm a ghost, like Patrick Swayze from that movie, or a spirit, or something, but I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I know I can't leave Miley.

I always did want to die in her arms, but not like this. Not when it hurts her and leaves her pining after me.

They wheel my body into the hospital and have to restrain Miley. She's crying and no one's there to hold her. I can't hold her. I move closer to try and touch her, but she feels nothing and I feel nothing. As expected, my hand goes right through her and it seems as though a chill runs through her body.

She sits in the waiting room, face buried in her hands and I know this isn't right. I have to come back to her.

What have I done?

I race through the building, searching for my body. I need to get back into it. That's what works, right? When the soul re-enters its body. The unity of these two counterparts.

I skid into the room, passing right through the closed doors. A doctor is leaned over me and straightens up, looking at his watch.

"Time of death: seven twenty-seven p.m.," he announces.

Hell no, I think as I run over to my limp body when suddenly, as though there's a repelling force, I'm flying backwards and hitting the ground.

"_Ah fuck, what the hell,"_ I grunt, standing back up. I try again, but I can't even get next to myself – as odd as that sounds. If I could cry at this realization, I would.

I walk out and look for Miley to see the doctor holding her hand and forearm to steady her.

"I am so sorry, miss. Do you have any contact information for her family?" he asks.

"Please, just tell me how she's doing," Miley pleads.

He looks torn. "What's your relation to the girl?"

Miley closes her eyes, shoving her hands into her front pockets.

"I uh, I'm her wife."

I have to smile. That must be the silliest lie she's ever told and now, it's my favorite.

The doctor shows a hint of skepticism. "Oh, hmm. How old are you?"

"Twenty-two." Another lie, Miley's eighteen.

"Oh." He inhales as if preparing himself. "I am so sorry to tell you this, but the trauma was too much for her, your wife has passed."

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><p><strong>Miley's POV<strong>

She should have been my wife. We should have gotten married. We should have been together. Had we been together, this would never have happened. How can I take all this regret?

"She can't die, no! Check again, please, she can't – she wouldn't die!" I argue. The doctor and another nurse hold me back, but I have to get to Mikayla. "Please, I need to see her!"

"Try to calm down first, we'll let you in the room. Just calm down, sweetie." The doctor tries to soothe me, but I break down, bending to the floor. I can't do this alone. Mikayla was always the one I would turn to when it got to be too much for me to handle.

It takes time for me to relax before two nurses finally help me into the room and seat me near her. A white sheet covers her figure fully.

"I am so sorry, Miley," the first woman whispers. "To lose your wife at such a young age, I can only imagine."

I want to slam my head into a wall for fucks sake. How can Mikayla be my ex? How is it that the moment she dies, I finally find the strength to even call her my wife? It's messed up. Where was the strength when she was alive, when it mattered?

How could I let something as foolish as my family's ignorance stop me from loving her?

I let her long for my love for so many months. Now I'm here, dying for hers.

This must be my punishment. For not showing her my love. Now, I'm left to live without her.

I will never let her go. I will never love again. I will never know what love feels like now that she's gone.

Once the nurses leave me here, I pull the white sheet down and hold Mikayla's face, kissing her lips. They're so cold and I can only cry more, my warms tears falling on her cheeks. I climb into the bed and hold her lifeless body. I pull the white sheet over the both of us.

I want to die with her and I think I may die right here in her arms; her lifeless arms.

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><p><strong>Mikayla's POV<strong>

The scene before me has me on my knees, staring at Miley and my motionless body. I can't get close enough else I'll be tossed back again, but I long to hold her. This makes no sense. Why am I here to suffer, watching her suffer for me?

For hours, Miley lays asleep with my forever sleeping body. It's not until around eleven p.m., when the doctor decides that they need to take my corpse to the morgue, that they lift Miley up and away, setting her on a fresh bed before wheeling me out.

I stay with Miley, sitting near her, watching her sleep. Is this the closest I'll ever be to her again? The center of my chest feels so warm and cold all at once.

When she wakes up to see me gone at 4 a.m., she calls my name.

"_I'm right here, Mile."_ As much as I say it, she just can't hear it.

She looks around the dark room and realizes where she is and what had happened. She stands up, slowly exiting the room and I follow, surprised to see my mom and step-dad.

What are they doing here?

"No, how-how did it happen?" my mom asks the doctor in a whisper.

Oh right, dead. Of course my mom would find out.

"At around 6 p.m., your daughter met with a car accident. Her wife brought her in."

My mom's eyes widen as she searches the lobby, then meets Miley's gaze. They share a look before Miley rushes into my mom's arms, both of them sobbing. Brian embraces them too, tears silently slipping down his face.

I know he loves me and I wish that maybe just once in my life, I told him that he was a great stepfather.

And my mom – I really wish I could cry to get these emotions out, but I can't. My mom knew everything. Brian and my mom knew all about Miley and they always supported me. Now I'm dead and everyone I love is hurt.

"Where's her body?" my mom whispers, looking over at the doctor.

"We're holding it in the morgue. You'll have to sign a few forms and then she'll be released to you."

"I'll take care of it, Mandy. You should take Miley home," he suggests.

My mom presses a quick kiss to his lips and nods. Drawing Miley into her side, they both walk away.

What can I do? I follow.

"What happened, sweetie?" my mom asks Miley.

"You should hate me. It's my fault she's dead."

My mom stops and grips Miley's shoulders, looking her in the eyes. "What do you mean your fault?"

Miley looks down and lets out a heavy breath, trying not to cry again as she trembles. "She was by my house. I didn't know she was there or I would have never let her go and she'd never have gotten hit. We were arguing on the phone – all she wanted was for me to be honest and tell her that I love her and that I wanted her still, and I couldn't stop crying 'cause it was true. I made that mistake, letting her go and I feel like she'll never forgive me for it."

"_Miley, no…I would never hold that against you," _I whisper. Is this why she could never admit it? Cause she felt guilty about leaving in the first place?

"And now she's gone, she walked into a car because she was hurt, all 'cause of me!"

"Miley, quiet, honey, quiet. I know Mikayla, I know my baby, and she would never hold that against you. I swear on my life, let God take me next, Mikayla was never cross with you. She only wanted your love. It's not your fault; she should have been paying attention."

"_Gee, thanks mom,"_ I grumble though I know she doesn't mean to blame me; she's just trying to lessen the guilt Miley feels, but they both break into more tears at the mention of me not paying attention.

This is my fault. Why didn't I react better? Did I really want to die?

"You can sleep at my place tonight," my mom offers.

"In her room?"

"Of course, in her room," my mom confirms.

I owe my mom so much. She really knows how to care for the love of my life. She even tucks her into my bed.

Miley falls asleep soon after, but my mother's heart is breaking.

"_Mom…please don't cry,"_ I whisper.

She grips her pillow, her face pressed into the mattress and I want to console her because it's almost like she's dying too.

"Mandy, oh God!" Brian murmurs, dropping the papers he's holding before rushing to her. He takes her in his arms and she clutches at his shirt.

"_Mom, please, please stop crying! I'm right here!"_ I yell, but no one hears me and Brian is next. He breaks into uncontrollable sobs as my mother holds his face.

"Our baby!" she cries.

"I know, I know, I can't…" he sucks in a deep breath and shakes his head, burying his face deep into her neck as they hold onto each other.

I watch in agony as they cry miserably and in those tears they fade to sleep, together.

At least they have each other.

Who will Miley lean on?

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><p><strong>AN**: _Thanks for reading and please review! Hope you're enjoying the story :3_


	3. Talking to Angels

**Never Letting Go**

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><p><strong>Faded Innocence<strong>: Smh, of course you'd bring up that song, lol. Glad you found it touching o.o I appreciate that compliment L: Enjoy the chappy.

**LovaticLover**: I agree, it was pretty messed up :I Lol, yes, you do need to keep reading L: Thanks so much and Enjoy the update.

**DemenaLuvr**: Awh, sorry for making you tear up o.o Glad you find it amazing and enjoy L:

**DoIHaveTo**: Awh, a lump o.o I hate those. Lol, it's true, I always make up the ending to a story as I read it o.o Wonder if we're on the same page, lol. Enjoy the chapter.

**Pyro**: So sorry I made you cry :T Thanks so much for the compliments and Enjoy the update.

**FireHeartBurns**: Lol, your review made me laugh o.o Hope you didn't cry and your idea is pretty interesting, I might use it o: lol. Glad to hear that you can connect with the pain of these characters, even though it's sad. I appreciate the compliments and Enjoy.

**SelenaCyrus**: It was a bit heartbreaking, wasn't it? :I Enjoy though.

**ScaryMiley**: Awh :I No sobbing o.o And that's a good question L: Thank you very much and Enjoy.

**Greatpretender27**: Hmm, maybe she did want to die o.o Who knows, depends on how you interpret the story o.o If you have a spoiler-ish question, feel free to PM me with it and I shall give you an answer that evades what you have asked and most likely leave you more mystified O_O lol.

**Don'tcarewhatpeoplesay**: Thanks so much for the warm welcome L: I appreciate it and I'm glad to be back as well. Hmm, you think you know? Well, maybe you do o.o lol. But do enjoy the journey anyways and here's the update L: Love ya lots too.

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><p><strong>Chapter 3<strong>: Talking to Angels

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><p><strong>Miley's POV<strong>

The air is dead, cold, and eerie. Funny how there's fog and mist all around when typically it's always sunny around here.

That's how I know something is really wrong. Even the weather has changed.

It's almost impossible to watch her coffin being lowered into its grave. Dirt is tossed down and tears escape the corner of my eyes.

"Hey, we should go," my dad murmurs and I look at him for a moment, scorn filling me.

"Get away from me. If you accepted my love for her, none of this would have happened," I say angrily.

"Whoa Miley, do not blame me for this."

"I don't blame you for this. I blame you for not accepting me, for not accepting her, that's what I blame you for. This is my fault. I know it is, because I cared too much about you and Jackson and Mamaw and everyone back in Tennessee, but you all never felt my pain. Only she understood it. Only she felt it and now she's gone. Because I was too weak to say that I loved her. That I loved a girl!"

"Miley, relax. You're causing a scene," my dad scolds and my brother walks over, probably ready to back him up.

"I'm causing a scene?" I yell, moving backwards. Everyone else in the graveyard becomes quiet and looks over at us.

"Miley, stop it," he demands.

"It's not stop, it's not stop!" I argue heatedly. It's just like Mikayla said. "It's start! Start accepting the truth, Dad! I loved Mikayla Marshall! I loved her with every ounce of every little thing inside my heart! Inside my soul! Inside my being! I loved her. She's a girl and I'm a girl, but so what? Who fucking cares? I love her and now it's too late," I cry, shaking my head and covering my face.

My dad's stare is fixed on the ground, full of embarrassment, but Mrs. Marshall is by my side within seconds, hugging me protectively.

"I love her so much and I wish she knew, I wish I didn't screw up. I just want her back."

"I know, sweetie. I know. We all want her back," Mrs. Marshall whispers, her body shaking with emotion as well.

"Mr. Stewart, you all can go on home. We'll drop Miley off a little later. I think she needs to say goodbye to Mikayla alone," Brian says and I silently thank him for it.

My dad crosses his arms and nods tersely. "See you at home, Mile," he sighs and walks off. "Come on Jackson," he adds.

"Miley?" Jackson calls in a weak voice, making me look at him.

"What?"

"You were right. We should have accepted your love…and now it's too late. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Please, come home soon," he requests and turns away, walking after my dad, breaking down with cries of his own.

Before Mikayla and I were forced apart, Jackson used to think she and I were best friends and they became close as well. I even think he had a crush on her before he met his new girlfriend and he definitely considered her a friend afterwards. Even though he was against the two of us being together, he's always cared anyways.

This is a punishment for him too.

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><p><strong>Mikayla's POV<strong>

I can't believe Miley blew up like that and shouted about her love for me. Tons of people from our school are here and I know for sure that they'll hold it against her. She shouldn't have done that. Not when I'm not here to protect her from the hate so many people would uselessly throw her way.

I watch Jackson walk away and feel bad knowing how guilty he feels. I could never hate him because even though he didn't agree with my love, he never said anything bad. He just never said anything good either. He always backed up his father and I don't blame him, but I would never commend him either.

The weather is oddly dreary here. It's California for God's sake. It's supposed to be sunny this time of year and I have a feeling my presence is what's causing this lifeless atmosphere.

Soon enough the ceremony and burial is over. Flowers and candles decorate my headstone and a priest says a few more words in my honor. Most people begin to leave and soon it's just Brian, my mom, and Miley left.

"We'll be in the car, honey. Just come whenever you're ready," my mom says, giving Miley's hand a squeeze.

"Thank you, Mr. and Mrs. Marshall."

"Brian and Mandy, kay?" my mother corrects.

Miley smiles softly and nods, but can't bring herself to use their first names.

I smile. She's respectful like that.

I walk over and sit on my headstone, watching as my parents walk away and Miley turns back, heading over to me. Her arms are crossed and she stares at me. Well, my grave, that is.

"I know you're here Mikayla. I just know it. I can feel you," she murmurs.

"_I'm glad you feel me. I'm right here, baby. Right in front of you."_

"You make it feel so cold, so eerie, so empty. You were right, your love. It makes me feel empty and now that you're gone, I feel blank," she whispers.

"_I feel the same. I wish I could hold you and comfort you. I wish you could see me. This is unfair, to be right here and not be here at all."_

"But you said you'd never leave me. How could you be careless this way? How could you go? You said you'd be right here forever. I know it's my fault, trust me, I know but isn't this punishment too harsh?" she asks, kneeling down in front of me. Her fingers caress the smooth gray stone, gliding over my name.

I lean forward so my face is directly in front of hers in hopes it'll connect her and I somehow. "_It's not your fault and this punishment is too harsh. For the both of us. For everyone I love that loves me too."_

"They spelled your name wrong," she says with a weak smile. "It should have been Mikayla Marie Stewart, not Marshall."

I laugh softly and shake my head. "_Nuh-uh Miley, your name should have been Miley Ray Marshall." _

She laughs with me. "I bet you'd say it's my name that has to change to Miley Ray Marshall." She laughs harder and shakes her head, ending in a deep sigh. "If you were here, I wouldn't care. I'd take your name so long as you accepted my love."

"_Your love was accepted long ago. I wish you'd realize that, Mile."_

"If only I wasn't such a coward, we'd be together."

"_Stop blaming yourself, I should have watched where I was walking."_

"You really should have watched where you were walking!"

"_I just said that!"_

"You can't be this cruel to me Mikayla, you have to come back – I know it's impossible but I want to believe that you were meant for me and me for you. I want to believe that your soul will find its way back to me, else – else I'm just this empty vessel."

"_I don't want you to feel empty anymore, Miley. If there's a way I could come back to you, I swear on our love, I would take it. I would endure any pain to see you once more. To hold you again. To love you in ways I didn't get to love you when I was alive."_

"I'll wait. Just come back, Mikayla. I promise, I'll wait. Just vow to come back," she pleads.

"_Don't wait long, I want you to move on. To be happy. To live and love again, please. I don't want you to suffer."_

"I know you wouldn't want me to wait. I know you'd want me to move on and find happiness or some silly sweet shit like that, but I won't. I will suffer every single day. I will burn and I will ache just to spite you, Mikayla."

My eyes widen at that. "_No, Miley! Why would you do that?" _I demand.

"I will do it just so you'll have to come back," she says with a determined edge. "You'll have to come back to save me. You have to." With those unwavering words, she stands and walks away from me.

How can I come back? How do I save her?

I close my eyes and feel a sudden surge of what feels like energy surrounding me. I feel weightless, as though I'm floating and being taken higher and higher. It's as if I'm leaving earth itself. My eyes can't open and the hold I have on Miley begins to weaken. My thoughts begin to fade. I can't feel her love inside of me anymore. It's terrifying and blissful all at once.

When I open my eyes, it's only to be blinded by a swirl of bluish-white light. My body or whatever this is that I am is being lifted off the ground, pulled upwards. Without being told, I know I'm going somewhere far from Miley and my parents. I've been buried and it's time for me to go. To leave behind this world, these people, and this life.

Yet, just as I'm prepared to give in, I see her blue eyes, her silly smile, her warm hands in mine, the first time she said she loved me, the first kiss, the last touch, her last words: You'll have to come back to save me. You have to.

"_Let me go!"_ I growl, squirming away from the suction of this energy. Its grasp is secure and strong, but I fight. _"I don't want to leave!" _I yell. _"You can't make me!"_ I struggle with this power that consumes me and I pull away from it, landing on the dirt with a loud thud.

I barely blink before it vanishes.

What have I done? My soul is unsettled. I've done the wrong thing, haven't I? How can it be wrong to choose Miley? She said she would burn, ache, and suffer for me every single day until I return. I have no choice but to return to her. I don't know how to return, but I can't go anywhere else. Not if it's not with her.

I sigh and begin to walk away, but from behind me I feel the energy once more. A glow fills the cemetery and I turn around to see its light.

The center of my chest pulsates. It's calling for me to go. It feels safe and happy, like home. It offers me something I can't explain. It offers to take my pain away. It tries to receive me once more, but I spin around and run quickly away from my grave.

But it follows and it's powerful. How long can I run for?

"_I don't want to go!" _I yell at it, but can it comprehend my words, my emotions, my own confusion?

"_What's happening to me?"_ I sob, but no tears come and no pain is felt despite my need to release these emotions and once I again I run, trying to flee this light.

The energy in me is being sucked away, little by little from that swirling orb.

"My darling, how long will you run?" a breathtaking voice asks, making me spin around with wide eyes. A woman with long flowing golden hair stands before me. She's cloaked in a white robe, light surrounding her in the most enchanting way. An angel, I think instantly, stunned by her beauty.

"What – who are you?" I ask, confused and wanting to escape, but my legs don't dare let me move.

"I am Sofiel."

"Are you like, a spirit or something?"

She smiles. "Or something."

I lift a brow.

"Think of me as more of a guardian, brought down when a soul needs guidance."

"Oh well, I guess some guidance would be perfect right about now," I mutter.

"Clearly, my dear. Tell me, why are you running? Do you not wish to move on?"

"What do you mean, where am I now? I'm still on earth, right?"

She smiles again and walks closer, lifting my hand to hold it in hers. "If you were on earth, then you would not have the ability to see me."

"Then where am I?"

"Think of it as another dimension if you will. Every soul, when they pass, dwells in their very own dimension until they are buried. Once buried, after the participants of the funeral walk forty steps away, the soul is called to move on. If they refuse to move on, then I or another comes to give guidance. Does that make sense?"

I swallow, but nod. "What if, what if I don't want to move on? What if I want to go back?"

She reaches out with her other hand, touching my chin in a pitiful manner. "Oh, what soul has not wished to stay on earth? What troubles me is that you fought so hard; this has never happened. Every soul tends to come away and then ask to return at the next, well I shall not say. Let us call the next step another dimension although that word does not do justice for where you were meant to travel."

"It doesn't matter, Sofiel. I'm sorry, but I won't go. I can't leave Miley. You must already know who I'm talking about."

"Of course. It is my job to know you and the ones you love," she assures.

"How could you try to take me then? It makes no sense, I know deep down in my heart that this isn't my time to go!"

"Oh," Sofiel murmurs. "No soul has ever said that to me before."

"No soul has ever been wronged this way before. I can't leave earth or Miley will suffer. You have to understand and let me go back."

"I am deeply sorry, but if you feel it was not your time to go, then do you wish to question Azrael and ask why he took you?"

I blink. "Who is Azrael?"

Laughing, she shakes her head. "Sorry, I often forget that souls have such little knowledge of us. He is the angel of death. Shall I call upon him? He is the only one who can explain why you are dead, and show you that it was indeed your time. Will this bring solace upon you?"

I sigh deeply, frustrated. "I can't promise to gain solace or whatever, but yes. I want to have a word with this Azrael," I confirm.

With a wave of her hand, she gestures and I wait to see if he'll actually appear.

"You called?" A rich voice questions from behind me.

I whirl around to see a man with long jet black hair, cloaked in a dark robe, his presence chilling although his smile is so warm.

"Yeah, why did you take me?" I demand.

"I apologize Azrael; this soul says she feels it was not her time. She says she feels it in her heart. I have not heard of that so I thought, perhaps you might shed light upon her departure from earth although you are more situated in the darkness."

"Sofiel, this is a first," he murmurs, gazing at me. "I do not recognize this soul."

"What do you mean to say?" she asks incredulously.

Reaching into his cloak, he pulls out a rolled up piece of paper and once it begins to unfold, it appears to never end.

"Whoa, you claim that many souls?" I murmur.

He glances at me and sighs. "It is not a pastime, dear. It is a necessity to make room for new and pure souls." His gaze scans the list of names. "Mikayla Marie Marshall, how has this happened?"

He looks at Sofiel and she glides over to him, glancing at his list.

"Micah!" Azrael yells out in frustration.

"What?" A calm voice answers and I turn to see another man with neat blonde hair, dressed in all-white, standing next to us.

"Gosh, a warning would be appreciated," I mutter.

"It was never her time to be taken. What is the meaning of this?" Azrael asks.

The one named Micah glances at me and frowns.

"There is only one way a misfortune such as this could have occurred and it is through mystical misuse, if you understand what I am communicating, Azrael. If you cannot recognize this soul, then there has been interference in the course of nature."

The angel of death sighs. "Of course. Thank you, Micah."

I blink and he vanishes.

"Well, Sofiel. I leave her to you now. You do understand what has happened, do you not?"

She nods solemnly. "I believe so. I will look further into it. I think we have ignored this particular interference for far too long. When it comes to a soul, however, we must intervene."

Azrael smiles and reaches out, touching my cheek. "My dear, an injustice has been done upon you. One that the divine have not foreseen. I did not call for you and Sofiel shall give you some form of fairness."

"Thank you," I whisper, feeling a chill wash over me and his eyes go blank before he vanishes as well.

"So, what's going on?" I ask, plain lost and confused.

"That is what I intend to find out. Wait here, Mikayla. I shall only be a moment." She disappears too and I stare at the spot she once stood in

If I wasn't dead, I would think I'm dreaming, but I know this is real. I know that because I feel dead and according to Azrael, I shouldn't be. How does this happen? It makes no sense.

Sofiel hasn't been gone long before she reappears. "I know what has happened," she announces.

"What?" I ask.

"Magical beings, beings we do not control have altered certain events in the course of nature. The car that hit you, had nature not been altered, would have never come your way."

"What do you mean?"

"Wizards, my dear. They cast spells and typically these spells do not interfere so greatly, however this time, it has been overdone and your soul has paid the price. A heavy one, I do admit."

Wizards? Really? What in the world?

"Alright, Sofiel, listen. I don't care who did what and if wizards altered the course of nature and all that, all we know is that I'm not supposed to be dead. Meaning, you need to send me back."

"Forgive me, Mikayla, but that is simply out of my hands. Once the dead are dead, they cannot go back. I have spoken with the angel of miracles, and he will not do it unless you prove your love to be great enough, which I think is a punishment to any soul and therefore suggest that you simply move on."

"Wait, prove my love? How?" I ask.

She sighs. "It is not an easy task, no one has ever tried. Meaning, success is not probable."

"If no one has tried, then neither is failure," I counter, making her smile.

"I see you are a witty and determined young soul. Love; it is the strongest of every bond. The love you and Miley shared however, though it was strong, you both were unable to stand together."

I look down at that. I feel ashamed for a moment but we could have been together. We just didn't live in a world that accepted us.

"The angel of miracles would have granted you your body had you and Miley been together before your death. Now, he wishes that this bond is proven. He wishes that you both stand together and he will provide you a new vessel to do so."

"A new vessel?"

"Yes. A new body. A new life. Another chance."

"You mean, as someone else, I have to make Miley fall in love with me all over again and if I can make her choose to stand with me, then he will allow me to stay?"

"Something of the sort."

I frown. "That's insane."

"That is why I suggest you travel with me and forget this. It will be less heartache for you if we go on now."

"Heartache? Do you think she can't love me again? Even in a different body?" I murmur, turning away to look in the direction of my gravestone.

"I cannot say for I do not know. It seems a hard path to tread, however."

"Is it the only way I can return to earth? To Miley?"

"Yes, but you could always wait for her to join you here."

"I could wait, but I don't think she could bear it and what she can't bear, I can't either."

My mind was made up from the start. "I'll do it. I'll make her fall in love with me again. Give me this new vessel and I'll prove our love."

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><p><strong>AN**: _Thanks for reading. I look forward to reviews and I hope it's good so far L: Love all you readers._


	4. Switch The Living With The Dead

**Never Letting Go**

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><p><strong>Take Me Down Like I'm A Domino<strong>: Awh, lol ^.^ No more tears, I hope [:

**DemenaLuvr**: Yeah, it is a bit different, lmao. O_O Don't do anything :c I'd feel so bad! Here, here, take the update, I don't want it D; lol

**Pyro**: Haha, awh, I'm glad you think the tears were worth it : ) Thanks so much and it's awesome that you like the direction of this story. LOL, you think you've fallen in love with me? Lmao, that's so sweet : ) I send you love ^.^

**Greatpretender27**: Lmao, alright :p Glad you like what Miley said there ^.^ Lol, Enjoy!

**DoIHaveTo**: Thank you xD You shall read upon that thought soon enough ^.^ And who could leave Miley, huh? I know I couldn't lmao :p Enjoy the chappy : )

**Sellycyrus**: Lmao, interesting sense ^.^ Thanks for the compliment, the review and Enjoy! [=

**ScaryMiley**: Lmao, it does sound like a plan ^.^ I hope it is, and enjoy the update!

**HAHAHAHA**: Lmfao, geez! Please don't have a heart attack :c It did sound like you were yelling for a moment, but now that you have explained it, I understand :o Take a deep breath c: Thanks so much for the compliment ^.^ And breathe :p lol. Enjoy the chappy you awesome anonymous person xD

**FireHeartBurns**: LMAO. Well, someone's excited. Lol. Hey, no reading other peoples comments to find out info :c LMFAO. Yeah, the story info did give certain things away. That was unavoidable, lmao. Nice to see that you sense something other than pain ^.^ Thanks so much and Enjoy! : )

**Luz4mj1995**: Awh, I missed you ^.^ Thank you for the warm welcome back :'D And O_O Why do I owe you a tank, a rifle, a Glock, and 10 Million dollars? :c

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><p><strong>AN**: _I just wanted to wish my awesome friend, _**Faded Innocence**_ a happy and wonderful Birthday! xD I dedicate this chapter to you ^.^_

_Hope it's going well and everyone should wish her a happy birthday as well! c:_

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><p><strong>Chapter 4: <strong>Switch The Living With The Dead

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><p><strong>Miley's POV<strong>

I feel so hollow, so dead. Earlier I felt Mikayla's presence near me, but now I feel nothing. There's a certain warmth about her. It's intimidating and comforting all at once. She could hide me in her warmth. Comfort me in her arms and scare everyone else off with just her demeanor.

The way she could look through someone. That's what drew me to her in the first place. Her ability to make me feel safe in the midst of all the danger.

I'm tired of crying. My eyes hurt. My body aches. I can't move anymore. I don't know where to go. I don't know what to do with myself. I hug my pillow tighter.

"Miley?" my dad calls, knocking at the door.

"Come in," I answer drearily, pulling the covers up to my chin.

He pushes the door open, carrying a plate of food. "Hey there, hun."

"Hey."

"So, would you like to catch a movie today?" he asks merrily.

"No thanks."

"How about we go to the mall; that always cheers you up."

"Yeah, after I've had a bad day maybe. Can you called what happened a bad day?"

"No, of course not, but you're making all these days bad as well. It's not healthy," he says, peering down at me.

"I don't care to be healthy. I just wanna be alone."

"You've been alone for three days. I'm not asking you to forget, I'm asking you to get up. Mikayla wouldn't want this. She would want –"

Pain, anger and hatred grips me at once as I cut in. "Don't. Don't you dare say her name, ever. You hear me?" I warn heatedly. "When she was alive you only said bad things about her, so don't you dare tell me what she would want now! You don't know her and you don't have the right to use her name!"

I'm losing it. I get away from him and lock myself in the bathroom, breaking down in front of the mirror. Gripping the sink, I struggle to breathe.

"Miley, please?" my dad says through the door.

"Get out!" I yell. "Just go away you – ugh, just go!" I shout and his footsteps move away, getting softer and softer until he's gone.

I stare in the mirror, trying to get a hold on my ragged breaths. What's wrong with me?

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><p><strong>Mikayla's POV<strong>

"This will not be easy," Sofiel says for the millionth time.

"I know, love never is. Trust me, I know."

"Do you realize that when we say vessel, we mean an existing one."

I blink. "Wait, what?"

"You will be entering an existing life and you will be the only one to know that you are not her."

"I don't get it –"

"We have chosen your vessel. Are you ready to see her?"

"Wait, you mean I'm taking some girls body?"

Sofiel smiles. "I have spoken with the head of the wizarding world. You shall speak with him too and he will explain what is happening. Close your eyes and when you open them, he shall appear in my place."

I'm skeptical of this whole process and I dislike how Sofiel evades my questions, never giving me direct answers.

"I don't see how this will work, but okay." I close my eyes. "You'll be here too though, right?" I ask. "Right?" I repeat.

"Wrong," a deeper, older voice answers, making my eyes fly open. Holy shit.

"Oh gosh! A warning, like come on!" I complain.

In front of me stands a rather tall and frail man with a heavy purplish cloak and a pointy hat on. His beard is ridiculously long and in his right hand is a black wooden stick looking thing. If he's a wizard, then I figure that must be his wand.

"So, it is you that has been affected by our world of magic," he states, taking a small book out from inside his cloak, flipping through it.

"Yeah, uh. What's going on?" I'm sick of being in the dark about everything.

"Well, you see, let me explain something to you. Every wizard is sculpted after a human, meaning that for every human being, there is a wizard that resembles them significantly and it just so happens that the wizard who resembles you is one of the biggest troublemakers that I've ever come across."

"Oh great," I remark.

"Much like yourself," he adds.

"I'm not a troublemaker!" I protest only to realize that, that wasn't exactly true. I turn quiet, earning a smile from the timeworn wizard.

"Anyhow, Sofiel has decided that since it was wizards that have wronged you, it is only fair that the vessel you receive is a wizard, which explains my presence."

"What, a wizard? No! I want a human vessel!" I argue.

"The rules have been created and I am just following them. This is out of my hands. A greater power is at work here, my dear. A power that is much higher than magic."

I sigh. This was hard enough already and to top it all off, now I'm going to be taking the life of some wizard girl, and did he say she resembles me? Shit.

"You said she looks like me?"

He nods. "Are you ready?"

"For what?"

"To meet her?"

I roll my eyes, but nod.

"Alex Russo, from your sleep, come see what your trouble-making has to reap!" He waves his wand and suddenly the stumbling body of a girl appears in front of me.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Not my dream, wrong one, my bad!" the girl announces, pulling out her own wand with a silly-sounding chuckle.

I can't believe my eyes. This girl she looks exactly like me. Except for her skin which is a bit lighter and her hair's shorter; shoulder-length with dark red streaks running throughout. She's dressed in a pair of loose black sweats, a t-shirt and purple fuzzy slippers.

"Alex, were you dream hopping again?" the older wizard asks and she jumps, turning to look at him in surprise.

"Uh, haha, Professor Crumbs! What a pleasant surprise! Look at that beard, it's gotten so… so gray! What brings you here?" she asks.

My brows furrow, studying her. I have to smile at how much she reminds me of myself, but from years ago. Not now.

"Alex, it is not what has brought me here, it is I who have summoned you?" he corrects.

"Oh – well, what brings me here?" She asks, looking around before her eyes land on me. Her jaw falls slack. "Oh my god!" she gasps. My clone! I thought I got rid of you!"

"Alex! You made a clone?" Professor Crumbs exclaims.

"What, no! Did I say clone! I meant…cone! For, ice cream – yeah um, anyways. Why is there a clone of me here?" She asks, walking closer to me.

"I'm not a clone," I inform her.

"Oh my god, it speaks normally!" she exclaims, making my eyes roll.

"I'm not your clone, okay? My name's Mikayla," I grumble, irritated.

"Well geez, someone's had a bad day."

"No kidding," I say, crossing my arms. I don't think I'm gonna feel so bad taking her body anymore.

"Alex Russo, meet Mikayla Marshall," says the professor.

Alex walks around me studiously before finally stopping in front of me.

"Why am I meeting you?" she asks, mimicking me by crossing her arms.

"Alex, you have been the most troublesome wizard I have ever come across, which makes you perfect for this task," the old wizard announces.

"What task?" Alex probes.

"First, give me your wand."

She studies her wand with a little pout. "But, why?"

"Of these questions I am not so fond, now in my hand shall be Alex's wand," Professor Crumbs says and her wand flashes from her hand into his.

If I wasn't dead and had already met angels, this whole magic thing might be a little more exciting.

"Hey!" she whines. "I only asked why, gosh."

"You will spend the next few months in the wizard world, with me, learning about the history of magic while Mikayla's soul borrows your body."

Alex's eyes go wide. "Whoa! Wait, what? No, I refuse!" she yells.

"There is no room for refusal, Alex. Do not forget, you did almost reveal the wizarding world."

"Don't forget that I saved it too! I swear, everyone only remembers my mistakes and forgets all the good I've done!" she huffs out.

"I fear that you are consistently getting yourself into trouble, Alex. Always misusing magic and it is acts such as yours that throw off the balance of nature and causes such predicaments as the one Mikayla now faces," he says solemnly.

She looks at me and then him. "Okay, maybe I mess around with magic, but I don't see what the issue is."

"It threw off the course of fate, Alex. I'm not saying it was you who has caused this, but overall, magic has committed a wrong and now we must fix it. There is no choice here."

"What wrong did magic do?"

"It killed me!" I say, getting frustrated.

Her eyes widen and she takes a step back. "You're dead?"

"Yes, Alex. Mikayla is just a soul without her body. She was buried and it has been discovered that it was not her time. Now she has to prove her love if she wants her life returned."

"Love? So you're taking my body to go be with some boy?" she asks distastefully.

"No, I'm not taking your body to be with some boy! Her name is Miley Ray Stewart and she needs me. She's miserable and will continue to live in her suffering if I don't go back to her. I belong with her, not here in some other dimension because of the stupid misuse of your wizard world and all that! I just, I have to get to her." I sigh and turn away. "Can we hurry this up?" I ask, irritated.

"Wait, I'm sorry, I didn't realize –"

"It's fine."

"So, you're um, a lesbian?" she questions.

I inhale deeply. "Wow, you'd think a wizard would be less surprised about something like that."

"No need to be so uptight. If I really have no choice here, then fine. Good luck," Alex mutters.

"Thanks," I reply before turning to the other wizard. "What now?"

"Alex, I will switch you both," says Professor Crumbs.

She nods. "But wait. Will my family be aware of this?" she asks.

"No, it is against the orders for anyone to know."

Alex smiles mischievously. "Okay, well. If you wanna be successful as me, here's some advice. My older brother Justin is a total nerd. So long as you insult him, he'll leave you alone. Don't bother with Max, he's an airhead. If my dad gets suspicious, feed him. If my mom gets suspicious, tell her she looks pretty or young and put her in front of a mirror. My best friend Harper is visiting her parents and on vacation with them for a while, but she's the girl who wears fruit and a bunch of weird stuff. Let's just call her…creative. Wand stays in my right boot, always. I suck at magic, so no need to overdo it there. I suck at school, so yeah. No need to go all out. Uh, I'm a terrible person according to most people. I work for my parents in our sub shop, but they don't pay so, good luck with that. And whatever you do, do not talk to Dean Moriarty. He's a jerk and my ex. Make sure it stays that way."

I chuckle softly at all this information. "Did you forget, lesbian," I remind, pointing to myself.

She grins. "Right, hah, my bad."

"Why are you helping me? I'm taking your body and you basically have no choice."

She shrugs. "Well, from what I've heard so far, you didn't have a choice either and if lending you my body for a few months means you have a second chance, then I'm cool with that. Besides, I'm a sucker for a good love story. Shh, tell anyone and you're dead," she warns with a smirk.

"A little late for that, don't you think?" I retort and she laughs.

"Sorry, forgot. Anyways, just remember, insult Justin. Every chance you get. And good luck getting your girl. She won't be able to resist you in my body," Alex says with a hint of cockiness that makes me grin because she's so much like the way I used to be.

"Thanks, Alex. I appreciate the help."

"Yeah sure, just don't fail," she says in more of a teasing manner.

"Yeah, okay," I reply, rolling my eyes.

"You know, if you weren't dead and basically stealing my body, I think we'd make pretty awesome friends."

I smile and nod. "I agree, Alex. I agree."

"Oh and I love biscuits and loose corn!"

My brows raise.

"And pickles. Don't forget pickles."

"Loose corn? Must be a wizard thing," I murmur under my breath.

"Enough chit chat, the time is running so I must switch you both now," Professor Crumbs cuts in. "Mikayla, Sofiel has asked me to inform you of this. As Alex, you will be residing in New York with her family. You must play the part of Alex Russo well. You must not search for or reach out to Miley. Sofiel will make sure that she comes your way before long. From the moment that your eyes meet hers, the clock begins to tick. You have three months to make her fall in love with you and make her choose to be with you forever without directly revealing that you are – well, you. Is that understood?"

"Three months." I grimace, but nod.

"You are on your own after the soul transfer. You will wake up as Alex," he adds and I look at her. She has a thoughtful and contemplative expression on her face as if uncertain about giving her body up for such a long while.

I overlook it and close my eyes. "Okay, I think I'm ready. Wait, Alex. I'm nineteen, how old are you?"

She frowns. "Eighteen. I still go to high-school. Senior year. I'm an artist, painter," she clarifies and I smile.

"That's nice, any major things I need to know?"

"I think I said it all. Just annoy Justin. A lot. And we're good."

Rolling my eyes again, I nod. "Okay, I'm ready now, Mr, uh, Crumbs."

Lifting the wand and flicking his wrist, he chants a spell, causing sparks rush forward and surround me. "One body, two souls, switch the living with the dead, and send the new Alex straight to bed!"

Everything becomes a blast of darkness and a rush of feeling that smashes into me making it seem like I'm falling.

I am falling, and fast – I can literally sense the moment that my soul connects with this new body, making me fly up and into a sitting position. I take a moment to catch my breath and steady myself, gripping the unfamiliar bed sheets as my eyes search through the dark room. I climb out of the bed and stumble around the strange room until I find the light switch and flip it on. Turning around, I catch my reflection in the mirror and stare in awe.

"I'm alive," I whisper. I walk closer, running my hands up and down this body in disbelief. Can this even be real? I know it's real, but still. I can't wrap my mind around it.

Sliding my hands in the shorter hair I wasn't used to, I admire the red streaks Alex has and find myself beaming. I'm alive! It sucks to be Alex rather than myself, but at least I'm fucking alive! Hell yes! I'm living! I laugh and practically toss myself down onto the bed, burrowing under the covers before squealing as quietly as possible about how alive I feel. And soon, I'll be with Miley again. Soon I'll fulfill my promise and have a reason to come back.

Goddamn, it feels so fucking good to be alive and exist once more. How I once wanted to be dead, I can't even imagine now, but never will I wish to be deceased again. Never will I question this gift that is life and the ability to simply exist. I don't want to die again. I can't leave and lose this second chance at life and love. Miley has to love me once more. I'm scared she might not, but she has to. For both of our sakes.

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><p><strong>AN**: _Thanks for reading and please review.  
>Once again, Happy Birthday <em>_**Faded Innocence**__! (:_


	5. I Can't Feel

**Never Letting Go**

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><p><strong>DemenaLuvr<strong>: Lol, thanks for sparing me o.o Although this did take long :c Don't hurt me o: Thanks so much for the compliment xD I'll try my best and Enjoy this chappy!

**DoIHaveTo**: Lmao, good job [= LOL, very good question! I commend you =) As for the answer, all I can say right now is that everything that must happen will happen in the course of the story. My mind, as odd and crazy as it is will create the solutions if not more disasters o.o I can't really give you a full on answer because I'm just creating this as my mind tells me the story. I guess I'll just have to write and you'll have to read for the answers c: Also, it's pretty presumptuous to think Miley will fall for Mikayla as Alex :p Who knows :3 Anyways, enjoy the update xD lolol.

**Luz4mj1995**: Awh, lmao! I'm sorry I killed you and made you lose everything :3 Hope the update makes up for it, lmao. Glad you like the story and thanks so much for the compliments xD Enjoy!

**Faded Innocence**: You are very welcome ^.^ Grassy ass for the compliment c: Your review actually made me fist pump, lmao -_- I was like "Three months. Two people. One love. Final chance. Go!" Yes! -Fistpump- LMAO! Anyways, enjoy xD

**Greatpretender**: Awh xD I'm awesome? ^.^ You are awesome for saying that :D Glad to hear you're crazy over my story :] Haha, all your questions shall be answered, hopefully, as you continue to read :p

**Pyro**: Lmao! Someone is excited. I hope Miley doesn't die if they meet, lmao. I agree, Alex is cute c: Thanks so much for the review and enjoy!

**SellyCyrus**: Lol, yes Mikayla is back :D I think everyone is looking forward to that ^.^ Thank you for loving this and here; this is your update anonymous person [=

**FireHeartBurns**: I sincerely loved your review. Thank you so much for that. I can't even begin to say how much I appreciated that. Haha, just tell me when your birthday is in a PM and I'll do something :p I'm happy to hear that you can feel Miley's conflict with her family :I Maybe Mikayla can, lol. =] We'll see o.o Love ya too and once again, amazing and now my favorite review. Thank you and Enjoy!

**Boo**: Lmfao. Oh geez, I was in my college library when I read your review and I just cracked up so hard. This girl was giving me an odd look o; lol! That would be hilarious and beyond messed up if Mikayla jumped out at Miley as Alex and yelled 'Boo!' Lmao! That is just an epic idea ^.^ LOL. But yes, Miley might die o.o :c Thanks so much and sorry for driving you nuts o: Enjoy you awesome anonymous person! xD

**James888**: Thanks so much for the reviews ^.^ They are appreciated! I love the speculation on the story as well as Alex, lolol. You could be right, who knows :p LOL. Thanks again and Enjoy the update!

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><p><strong>AN**: So sorry for the wait! I'm dealing with midterms at the moment, but I hope to post sooner once all my midterms are over ^.^ My last midterm is tomorrow and then spring break ^.^ I'll be a little busy doing a research project but I think I'll be able to write and post more xD I get to screw with people in an elevator at the mall for this experiment! Yay! xD I feel devious c: Anyways, enjoy the update =]

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><p><strong>Chapter 5<strong>: I Can't Feel

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><p><strong>Miley's POV<strong>

I'm in bed. Again. Hugging the big stuffed teddy bear that Mikayla had given me for our first month anniversary.

"I miss you," I mumble, kissing the side of its head.

She's gone, I know. I don't feel that chilling warmth I did when I was at the funeral. I hope she went someplace better. She deserves heaven. Of every person I know, Mikayla's the most amazing. The absolute best. Her intentions were always good. She never took anything that wasn't hers to take.

She did take my heart, but then again, I took hers in exchange.

She might have been devious at times, but she never did anything bad.

Part of me wants to get up and pray and another part of me just wants to lay here and die.

I haven't eaten in four days. I look like crap. Every time I move, I literally feel like my insides are tearing. The most I do is shower and brush my teeth, but other than that, I'm either back in bed or looking through old notes, letters, and gifts Mikayla had given me.

Mrs. Marshall gave me Mikayla's phone; it'll be disconnected in a few days so I texted myself the words _I love you_ from it. That way, I could see those words under her name.

I feel so pathetic. I glance at the words and break down again.

"I love you so much, Mikayla. So much." But nothing I say or do will bring her back. This life is going to be hard to live and I don't know how to live it anymore.

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><p><strong>Mikayla's POV<strong>

I am starving! I don't know if it's because I was dead or because Alex didn't eat dinner, but I am so, so hungry. I open the bedroom door and peer out. The lights are off in every room so I sneak out and creep down the stairs.

This place is extremely colorful – must be an interesting family.

I find the kitchen and go straight for the fridge. I open the first container to find spaghetti and in a smaller dish was a whole ton of meatballs and sauce.

"God, yes. I need to eat this," I murmur, dumping the contents out into a bowl. I shove it in the microwave and literally pace back and forth waiting for it to heat up. While that happens, I find a pack of what I think to be beef jerky and begin consuming it greedily. I open a can of soda and take a large swig, then make it back to the microwave before the timer ends and it beeps.

I find a fork and shovel the saucy spaghetti into my mouth greedily. "So good," I practically moan as I sit on a little stool with my bowl and keep eating like I've been starving for years.

"Alex? What's going on?" a voice asks and my eyes widen as I jump down from my seat to see a guy I don't recognize in front of me.

He's in flannel pajamas, a long black open robe, and fuzzy slippers. In one hand is a large thick book and in the other, a black wand. I notice the wand is thin and long before he slides it into his robe's pocket.

The spaghetti awkwardly falls from my chin, plopping down into the bowl and he rolls his eyes, grabbing a napkin.

"I swear, you are like a child," he mutters and comes over, shoving the napkin in my face.

I grab it and wipe away the sauce, a bit irritated since I'm still hungry.

"Oh my God, you ate dad's turkey jerky! He's going to kill you!" he gasps, resealing the bag and tossing it into the fridge.

Oh, this must be Justin – the nerd I'm supposed to insult.

"Someone has to act like a child when there are boring adults like you around, and dad would never kill me, you maybe, but me, never." I don't know why I say that, but Justin glares at me and I know for a fact that Alex must be a daddy's girl.

"Whatever. Why are you up so late? And eating like an animal?" he asks in an irritated tone.

"That is none of your business. Can't a girl be hungry?"

"A girl? Yeah right," he scoffs and my brows draw together.

So he wants to play it this way.

"My bad, Justin. I forgot, you're the only girl around here, right?"

"Oh my God! Alex, just – whatever. I'm going to bed. Clean up when you're done. That is if you even know how considering you walk around here like a dude or something."

"More man than you," I retort.

"I'd put money on that."

"You'd win and then you could buy yourself a pretty pink dress!" Wow, this whole insulting Justin thing is gonna be easier than I thought. I can't believe he totally buys me as Alex.

"Whatever. Goodnight," he mutters, clearly provoked before heading back upstairs. I take in a deep breath because my heart's beating so fast in fright that he may have realized I'm not really Alex.

Once my heart returns to normal, I reopen the fridge and retrieve the turkey jerky, grab the bowl of spaghetti and the can of soda, then head back upstairs. I go into Alex's room and sit down on her bed, letting out a sigh before eating.

It doesn't take long before these human needs fail to feel important anymore.

Sitting on Alex's dresser is a cell phone and I close my eyes. Can I call her? Will that be breaking the rules? I know the answer and I know I can't. I'm supposed to wait. Otherwise, I'll have her for a moment, then lose her all over again and I can't handle that. No, I want Miley forever.

For the first time in my life, I have to follow rules. For the first time in my life, I can't follow my heart. I have to watch what I say and what I do. I must have patience and work for what I want.

For the first time ever, I have to subject myself to pain to get something worth having.

I hate this. I hate knowing that this would hurt and there's nothing I can do but accept it and wait for the inevitable agony. But it's worth it. Miley is worth it. She was worth it in life. She was worth it in death. Now she is worth it all over again. No matter what, my heart won't choose any other path. No other goal. No other person.

This heart will always choose her. This heart will forever be hers. This heart will stay faithful to Miley.

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><p><strong>Miley's POV<strong>

"Mile, can we talk?" This time it's my brother instead of my dad.

"Sure."

He comes into my room and locks the door.

Lately, Jackson seems farther away. His mind is always focused on something else and if I was feeling selfless, I might reach out to him, but it isn't in me to care right now. I don't know what's happening to me, but I feel like I'm dead and nothing can bring back who I was.

Mikayla adored how nice I was, how well I could read people and show my love for them, but if Mikayla's not here, what reason do I have to be nice anymore? I don't want anyone to love me. No one but her. I don't need to be loved anymore. None of it matters.

"How do you feel?" he asks, sitting near me at the edge of the bed.

"How would you feel?" I ask, somewhat indifferent.

"I know, I know," he whispers, his voice breaking.

"How could you know? How could you even think you know?"

He begins to tremble and buries his face in his hands. "Siena…if I ever lost her, I think I'd die. I could never handle what you're going through, Miley, never. If I were you, I'd hit me and Dad. I'd kick us and spit at us for even speaking against your love. You should hate me. You should never forgive me. I hate the past. I hate that Mikayla died and now I can't tell her that I was wrong. I feel so foolish because it took something this big to make me realize nothing was wrong with your love." He cries harder, sliding a hand into his hair and my throat begins to constrict, tears welling up in my own eyes.

"Jackson, stop."

"No Miley. You were right, it's not stop. It's start, and it's starting with this apology. With me admitting I was wrong. I will never forgive myself. I will never fully be forgiven by you and I will never have Mikayla's forgiveness. I don't know how to live with it. It's eating at me and Siena keeps telling me it's not my fault, but then I think about me and her and I just know that you and Mikayla had true, real love. I could see it. I closed my eyes because Dad didn't like it. I should have been a better brother. I should have supported you and I didn't and I can't forgive myself for that. I just wanted you to know, that I know what I've done. I know you're hurting so bad and I want to be here for you. I don't want you to lose yourself because of our mistakes. Our wrongs."

"Come here," I whisper, opening my arms. He shudders and wipes his eyes before coming into my embrace. "It's okay, Jackson. Shh," I sooth as he sobs and I feel something deep inside me break.

I cry too. We both just hug and cry.

"I won't hate you. I will always love you," I promise. "I can even forgive you after seeing your pain. Thank you for showing me."

I don't even feel the words I'm saying. It's sort of a surreal moment. Like I'm someone else and not truly in my own skin.

Yes, I'm here and present, but it's more like I'm just aware of what's happening rather than experiencing. I can see and hear it all, but I can't feel much.

I love my brother and I don't want him to carry on with this heavy heart. It's not his burden to endure. This is mine.

"Mikayla was never mad at you. I promise."

I'm unattached as I speak to him. Completely unattached. I want to fear what I'm not feeling, but I don't think I can feel fear at this moment. I feel nothing.

Jackson gets a call from Siena and after one last long hug, he leaves to spend time with her.

I get out of bed willingly and change into fresh clothes. Aimlessly, I walk downstairs and open the backdoor.

My feet lead the way to the grassy area and I stand in the same spot I had cried the day Mikayla called me. I sit down and lay back, staring up at the sky. It's getting dark. My eyes are tired. I want to close them and sleep, but the sound of footsteps disturb my peace.

"Good to see you up and out of your room, Mi," my dad says cautiously.

"Yeah, it is good," I murmur.

"Mind if I sit?" he asks.

"Go for it," I reply. I don't want to be angry anymore. I prefer this emotionless state I'm currently in. It's relaxing to not feel so tied down by vehement emotions.

"So, I got a promotion and the company is transferring me," he says in an almost hushed tone. My dad works in public relations here in Malibu.

"That's cool. Where to?"

"Right here in Cali, but just over to Los Angeles."

"Oh, does that mean…"

"Yeah, we're moving," he finishes for me.

"Does Jackson know?"

"Yeah, he and Siena are applying for a transfer so they can attend a college there together."

"Siena too?"

He sighs. "Yeah...after what happened, they don't want to lose each other. A bit clingy and unnecessary if you ask me."

"Good thing no one asked you."

He nods tensely. "Sorry. If you want, I can look for a different high school there for you unless you'd prefer to look."

"Do I have to? I really, I don't think I'm up to school anymore," I mutter.

"Mi, it's your last year. You've got a few months left. Please get your diploma, and then we'll go from there."

I turn onto my side and away from him, curling up. "Fine, I'll look later or you could pick, doesn't matter," I mumble.

"I know it's not much but I do want to make up for the past. I realize you're gonna want to visit Mikayla every now and then. It's only an hour long drive or so from L.A to here, so I figured since this promotion and transfer comes with a car, I could give you my car; what do you think?" my dad asks nervously.

Honestly, I appreciate the attempt. It's…considerate of him. Sort of.

"Thanks, Dad. That's nice; I will want to visit her," I reply.

"Great, glad you're okay with this. I'm gonna go in and start dinner. Anything special you want?"

"Yeah. Mikayla," I sigh, unable to stop myself.

I sense the uneasiness from my dad.

"I'll…just go, " he says before getting up and leaving.

You do that, Dad. Just go. Like Mikayla. Like Jackson. Everyone can just go. I don't need anyone, right? I don't need anything, right?

Just leave me alone. Here lying in the dirt. Staring at the shifting clouds. Feeling nothing. Losing myself. Moment by moment. Thought by thought. Just losing everything.

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><p><strong>AN**: _Thank you for reading and please review. Love you all._


	6. Written In Fate

**Never Letting Go**

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><p><strong>Penis<strong>: Lol…welcome back o.o

**DemenaLuvr**: Dog House :c Not cool! I took a while again but this chappy is longer o.o Can I come out of the dog house now? :3 Lol, thank you and Enjoy the update ^.^

**Greatpretender**: Lmao, I feel so mean :p But I can't answer questions I don't have answers to o: lol. Awh, thanks so much and lmao. I knew someone would take that line in a certain way. I laughed reading 'Mixed emotions here' xD Enjoy the update [=

**James888**: Awh, glad to hear I made it hit home o.o And I used to listen to that song all the time, lmao. Alex and Harper O_O Lol, I never thought of that pairing o.o Hmm, lol. Thanks for the review and enjoy o.o

**DoIHaveTo**: Lmao, not completely evil huh? :3 We shall see about that :p I have various views about heartbroken people but that is a conversation for another time, lmao. Glad to hear I could give you a different view though :] Sorry for the wait, but do Enjoy ^.^

**Magi97**: Awh, thank you for the review! Glad you love it c: And here you go ^.^ Enjoy :]

**Luz4mj1995Muthafuckah**: Lmfaoo Oh geez! I bet that's you, LOL! But it is funny to see that pop up in my notifications . Lmao. Thank you so much and Enjoy, lol :]

**Faded Innocence**: Lmfao. I can't even…I won't even respond to that, LMAO! TAF! TAF! Let's see if you can remember/decipher that :3 Haha c:

**Pyro**: Awh, dun cry :3 Glad you found Justin and 'Alex' funny ^.^ Sorry for the wait, but Enjoy!

**FireHeartBurns**: Awh…I am so sorry for making you and her cry :I I didn't mean to! I'm honored though to have caused an emotional moment between you both and I hope this chappy takes your mind off of it :3 No pressure, eh? Lmao. Love ya too L:

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><p><strong>AN**: Sorry for the wait, but I give you a long chappy c: Enjoy!

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><p><strong>Chapter 6<strong>: Written In Fate

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><p><strong>Miley's POV<strong>

"Miley, you in there?" my brother calls with a light rap at the door.

"Yeah, come in," I say, setting my notebook down. I was reading an old song I had written to Mikayla. Immersing myself in her memories makes me feel normal and human again, even if the moment lasts for just a short while.

Jackson enters with a hopeful smile, a sheet of paper and a pen.

"Hey, it's been a while and you haven't checked out any schools yet. Dad asked me to help you so I've been looking up high schools not too far from my college so we can find a place in a location that works for us both," he says in an overly chipper voice.

"What colleges did you and Siena apply to?"

"Well, uh. We applied for a few actually, but we're only focusing on UCLA which I doubt I'm ever getting in with my scores, but I think I have a chance at California State University 'cause dad has a friend and they've set me up with an interview already."

"Sounds good."

"Yeah, ha-ha. Um so, I found a few good high schools for you to transfer into. Wanna hear 'em?"

"Sure."

"Okay well, there's Burbank High School; go bulldogs!" he cheers enthusiastically.

I quirk a brow and look at him.

"No? Okay. Anyway, they're a real top-notch school and big on academics, they have some great ratings and…" he pauses, glancing at the sheet of paper and continues. "Have cool sports teams as well..." he pauses again.

"Jackson, does Dad want me to go to Burbank High School?" I ask, already certain of the answer.

He sighs, nodding while the hand holding the sheet of paper falls glumly to his side. "Yeah, sorry. Dad says it's really good and close to his job too."

I shrug. "All you had to do was say so. It's fine, I'll go," I mutter, forcing a smile to make him feel better before going to stare out my bedroom window.

I can sense the uncertainty in Jackson and I decide to just let him get past it on his own, but instead, I hear the crumpling of paper which makes me turn back to see him tossing his sheet into the garbage can.

"This is so messed up, Miley. Why aren't you protesting this? You're still a teenager, this is totally the time for you to do the opposite of whatever Dad wants. I'm usually the one to stand back and be on his side, but that's because you're always rebelling. Now, all of a sudden, nothing matters to you; you don't have a stance and I don't know what to do or who to support."

I smile wryly and shake my head at him. "I think my teenage way of life is sort of over at this point, Jackson. What I've experienced is too grown up to really care about small details like fighting with Dad about any and every little thing. Just relax, there are no sides. Don't feel like you have to choose one," I assure him.

"Miley, no. Just no. I don't want you to say or even feel like your teenage years are over – I want you to be a happy girl that's living and saying no and arguing with me and Dad over the little things! I want things to be normal again, the way they were," he sighs. "Please?"

"That's selfish, Jackson. You can't ask me to pretend." I'm beginning to lose patience with my brother. I know he means well, but it's not right for him to expect me to be fine and dandy right after my ex-girlfriend who should have been my lover all along, had just died because I was too dumb to love her when I had the chance.

"I'm not asking you to pretend, I just want you to be happy."

"I'm sorry. I don't know how to be happy when I feel this way."

"Well, it's starts with you not going to freakin' Burbank." He moves in front of me, taking hold of my shoulders. "If you go there, your life will be ten times duller and it'll be all about grades and you won't find that extra something."

"I'm not looking for anything extra."

"Mile, you're my sister. I know you better than most people and I know that you're talented. I think you need to express what you're feeling. All this darkness, this sadness, it needs to come out."

"If nothing's left inside, what's to be revealed?" I ask.

He snaps his fingers in front of my face. "Like that, artistic! The way you think. I wasn't too sure, but I was talking to Siena –"

"Oh great," I say.

"Listen!" he complains, shaking me slightly. "Just listen. There's this great high school in L.A. You have to audition and it's a bit different, but Siena's friend's cousin goes there and it's amazing and all about finding talent. It's called Hollywood Arts and if you pass the audition, you can take acting classes and get into drama – Hell, you could even write your own songs or scripts and I know you write songs so don't deny it, Miley. I know you were always interested in acting too, so what do you think?"

I stare at him like he's off his marbles. "Honestly, I'm flattered you think I could make it in a school like that, but I wouldn't get past the audition and I'm not even –"

"Don't say you're not interested! I know at this moment nothing interests you, but you can make it there. Trust me. All that's required of you is to show some talent at the audition and then you have to learn to play an instrument which is already done because you can play piano, acoustic and electric guitar and I know you're not proud of it, but you can play the harmonica too. Dad taught you, plus I heard you playing it one night after a date with Siena a few months back."

I'm honestly surprised at what my brother's suggesting.

"I don't see the point though."

"Oh, come on! Dad showed me your transcript; you only need credits for one more term of Math, English and gym to be done! That means you can take four other classes, four other creative classes! You can sing, dance, act, write – come on, Miley. This isn't about setting you up for a Hollywood future if that's what you think. No, this is about giving you something to do. A place to express yourself and when we move, I won't be there as much with all the college work. I just want to know that you're in a place of creativity, where your emotions can come through. There's no other better option. Please Miley, do this for me. Not just me, do it for yourself. Please?"

"What will Dad say?" I sigh, making him grin, thinking that he's swayed me.

"What can he say? I'll just explain that this is your choice, right?"

"Right, or I could just go to Burbank."

"Miley!" he protests.

"I don't want to audition though."

"Just do it! You can sing," he suggests.

"I really don't want to."

"Yes, you do," he counters, staring me down.

"No, I don't."

"But, you do."

"But, I don't."

"Miley, please?" he says with an air of seriousness and even a hint of desperation. I sigh again, thinking about it for a moment.

"Fine, I'll audition."

He smiles and hugs me tightly. "You won't regret it!" he promises and runs out my room, probably to lie to our dad and tell him that I've chosen a school.

"I already do," I say to no one and look down. I'm not getting into Hollywood Arts. I'll do the audition and just bomb it. This way, Jackson can leave it alone.

Besides, I don't want to express what I feel. How can I when there's nothing to feel?

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><p><strong>Mikayla's POV<strong>

"Alex, mija! Wake up!" a strange female voice yells.

Immediately, my eyes fly open. I'm an extremely light sleeper and this yelling is completely unnecessary. "Oh my god, what –" I was about to cuss when I nearly freak out, seeing a strange woman in front of me.

She jumps back in fright as well. "Oh God, Alex! You never wake up this fast!" she exclaims, clearly startled.

Oh shit. I'm Alex, shit.

So this is her mom, huh? Kind of hot for an older woman. This is weird. Hah, good thing Alex isn't here.

"Hey…Mom. Um, good morning," I mumble, rubbing my tired eyes, trying to focus.

"Morning, mija. How did you sleep?" she asks, walking over to my window and opening the curtains.

My heart sinks. My mom. What must she be going through after my death? I wish I could hug. I miss her so much and I know she misses me too. I even wish I could see Brian. God, I miss them. I miss my family. I miss Miley. I miss my life. I miss me.

"Mija? You okay?"

I look down and let out a hasty breath. "Yeah um, just gotta use the bathroom," I answer quickly and get out of the bed. I make it outside the room and lean against the wall, wiping away the stray tears.

Fuck, control yourself, Mikayla! It's only the first day.

A door farther down the hall flies open and a young boy walks out, heading over to me with a mischievous smirk.

"I wouldn't go in there for a while," he warns.

I nod, uncertain of how to respond to him in my current state. What's his name again? Another door opens and out comes Justin, watching us cautiously as he enters the bathroom. The younger boy gives me a thumbs up and snickers before Justin staggers out of the bathroom, pinching his nose tightly with an expression full of disgust.

"Max!" he yells.

Oh, so that's his name. Max, that's easy to remember.

"Gosh, what did you do in there?!"

"Hey, don't blame me! It's not my fault mom cooked," Max retorts before disappearing into what I assume is his room.

"I heard that!" Alex's mom says, sounding irritated as she exits what is now my room. "And Alex, you know you're not supposed to eat in your room," she scolds, holding the bowl and empty soda can I brought up last night.

"Oh sorry, I forgot," I mumble.

"No, she didn't! She even ate Dad's turkey jerky and then she called me a girl!" Justin interjects, making me sigh.

God, I'm trying not to cry right now and it's becoming difficult. "I'm sorry, okay? I won't do it again," I mutter before walking back into Alex's room and shutting the door. The sobs wrack my body and I sink down to my knees against the door, trying to stay quiet as I cry.

"Justin, must you always bother your little sister? Can't you see she's feeling emotional today? You know that doesn't happen often."

"But, Mom. She called me a girl!" he protests.

"Well."

"Mom!"

"Oh, do you hear that? I think your father's calling!" she exclaims before I hear footsteps escaping down the stairs. I smile a little because even his mother sort of dissed him. Poor guy.

I don't know how to be part of this family. It's so strange to be in my situation, not knowing anyone. I need Miley and I think I'm going insane wondering about how long I'll be forced to wait.

"Alex?" Justin calls softly through the door.

I swallow back my tears and stand up. "Yeah?"

"You alright?"

"Of course, why wouldn't I be?" I retort in a snarky voice that portrays the exact opposite of what I'm feeling.

"Oh, uh. Nothing. You better get downstairs though. Dad said you have the morning shift today. I gotta go apply for a real job at this –"

"I didn't ask for details so don't bother sharing, I'll be down soon," I say coldly.

There's silence before he walks away.

It's not that I care to insult or be rude to this guy, it's just that I have to play Alex for as long as I'm here and I'm not gonna break from my character just because I get a little emotional.

Just act, Mikayla. It's all an act.

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><p><strong>Miley's POV<strong>

"So…Hollywood Arts, huh?" my dad asks at the dinner table.

Jackson grins while I stuff a piece of chicken in my mouth to avoid answering. For lack of words, I nod.

"What makes you wanna go there?"

My response is a shrug.

"She'll get to express herself through singing and music," Jackson answers. "Plus, she can try new things, you know? Like acting and stuff."

"Or I could just –"

"Oh, Dad! This chicken is amazing!" Jackson exclaims, cutting me off.

I roll my eyes as our dad's attention shifts to the food.

"Yeah, ya think? I seasoned it specially and let it marinate in just a little bit of lemon and cinnamon. That's the extra flavor you're tastin' there," my dad says proudly. "Anyways, Mi. Since Jackson is heading up for his interview with California State on Friday, I'm gonna call this Hollywood Arts to see if they'll let you audition even though the term started already. If ya want, I can always call Burbank too. They accept transfer students easily."

"Yeah, you should do that," I agree, knowing that's where I'm headed.

"Nonsense, Dad. Miley is too talented not to get accepted at Hollywood Arts. Don't even consider a back-up," Jackson says certainly.

My dad looks skeptical as he swallows a mouthful of rice. "I know Miley is talented, but some people can't see talent if it showed up on their door-step, wrapped in a red bow. That's why I'll also send an application to Burbank."

This is starting to get annoying. It's like both of them are trying to control my life and I realize I need air because I feel myself plummeting to a place of anger.

"I'll be outside," I mutter, getting out of my seat.

"What about your chicken? I made it special."

"Yeah, well. It tastes like shit, so excuse me," I reply, heading for the back door.

"Miley, that sort of language is not permitted in this house!" my dad scolds.

I turn back, glaring at him. "Glad you know that, Dad! Next time, you might remember that rule yourself because if memory serves me correctly, that's exactly what you called my relationship with Mikayla!"

I storm outside, taking a deep, painful breath. Ugh, just fuck my life! The one person I would call right now isn't here! She'll never be here again. To hear me complain. To tell me it'll get better. To connect with me in a way no one else ever could. She's not here to promise that she'll love me no matter what.

"I don't deserve this!" I yell at the sky. "I didn't hurt anyone! I know, I know I hurt her so why can't you let me say sorry!" I grip my hair in frustrated desperation. "Please? Please let me say sorry! I can't do it, I can't do this alone!"

I shake and cry and weep and beg and in the midst of my emotional haze, two slender arms wrap around me.

"Mikayla," I sob, gripping onto whoever's holding me.

"I came as soon as I could, Miley. As soon as I could," she whispers, revealing just who it is.

"Lilly, I'm going crazy! I'm losing my mind and this pain is too much. One moment I-I feel nothing and then I feel it all just crashing down!" I gush in broken sobs and she holds me close.

"I know. Relax, Miley. It'll be okay. I promise," Lilly says as calmly as she can, but her body begins to tremble. She's hurting too.

"You miss her?"

Lilly shakes her head. "No, I hate her. I hate her so much," Lilly sobs, hiding her face in my shoulder. I shouldn't be surprised at how hard it hits Lilly.

Mikayla and Lilly loved and hated each other. One moment you'd think they were best friends, the next they acted like spiteful enemies. But, like the word itself, it was just an act.

They both loved me, in different ways of course, and they both found their roles in my life.

They became close as well. Mikayla would call Lilly a loser or third wheel when she hung with us, but it was always Mikayla who suggested Lilly join in on our plans. That's because no matter what they said, they both had a good time around each other and they both had massive respect for one another.

Incidentally, when Oliver and Lilly broke up, because he wanted to try his hand at touring, Mikayla is the one who talked Lilly through all the pain. I was stuck at a wedding in Tennessee with my family and Mikayla did me the favor of taking care of my best friend.

It's things like that, that bring two people together. The pain and the sharing of emotion.

"I hate her, Miley," Lilly repeats, hugging me tighter.

"You don't hate her."

"No, I do. I hate her for giving up, for leaving. I hate her for dying."

"No, Lilly. Don't hate her, it's my fault. She –"

"Shut up, Miley," Lilly demands, pulling back. "I talked to her mom, it wasn't your fault. Don't you dare say that it was."

It is though. No one will listen, but I might as well have thrown Mikayla in front of that car myself.

I press my face into Lilly's shoulder. "I'm glad you're here. I need you."

"You should have called me."

"You could have called me."

"I figured you were busy."

"Yeah, dealing with my brother and father."

She sighs, stroking my hair. "Miley, I'm only here for two days. I leave Thursday, I can't miss more school than that."

"How are things in New York, with your dad?" I ask, forcing my emotions back.

"They're okay. I have a lot more freedom than before but I miss you like hell. I always think back on the days of hanging with you and Mikayla when I'm down or something; it used to make me feel better, but now –" She pauses for a moment to collect herself. "I can't even begin to imagine what you're feeling, Miley. She didn't deserve that."

"I know. Mikayla shouldn't have died. I should have had the guts to be with her, then –"

"Don't think like that, Miles. It'll only hurt more."

"No one gets it. I can't help but think this way."

Lilly sighs, nodding. "I wish I knew what to say."

"I don't think there is anything to say."

There's a long stretch of silence before I finally think to bring it up. "My dad is being transferred. We're moving to L.A."

"Oh. That's nice, not really far and it's more upbeat there. Maybe a change will be good," she says.

"Maybe. I just, I don't even wanna pack or move – or breathe," I laugh bitterly.

"Well, when are you moving?"

"No clue actually."

"Ask your dad?"

"I don't wanna talk to that man."

"Is he still homophobic?" she asks.

"Pretty much, just not as badly as before. He'll probably think we're a couple just 'cause I'm gay," I mutter.

Lilly laughs. "Well, I'm straight, but I'd make the exception for you," Lilly teases, kissing the top of my head.

"Yeah, yeah," I chuckle. "It's just –"

"It doesn't feel right," she finishes.

"I don't think it'll ever feel right with any other girl. I just, how do you move on from something like this? How can I ever think of any other girl? It will always be Mikayla."

"I hope, uh. Miley, I hope you don't plan on doing anything rash."

"Like what? Kill myself to be with her?" I laugh and shake my head. "A long, long time ago, I swore to Mikayla that I'd never do anything that foolish. I've considered breaking that promise so many times, but I don't know. It feels wrong to get out that easy. I think this is my punishment and I have to endure it, you know. I think I'm meant to live with these memories. I think it's written in my fate to suffer for my mistakes."

"No, Miley. No one deserves a life like that. No one. People make bigger mistakes and are forgiven and find happiness. It may take time. It may take a lot of time, but I know you won't be in this state forever."

"And what if I am?"

"Then you call me, you tell me and I'll drive up from New York and make everything better."

"And what if you can't?"

"Then I'll die trying."

My eyes narrow. "Lilly, don't speak like that. I've already lost Mikayla, I couldn't imagine losing someone else I love. Especially you."

"I wouldn't leave you, Miley. Not like that. I'm just saying that I'm here and I will always be here. Don't be afraid if you feel weak. Call me and I'll lend you my strength."

"Thanks, Lilly. You've always been here for me and if there's one thing I've learned, it's to tell the people I love that I love them. I wish I told Mikayla in words before she died and I never want that regret again."

"I know you love me, Miley and I love you too. You're my best friend, closer than family; you've been my rock through so much and now I'll be yours. Whatever you need, I'm here."

"Why can't I love you?" I groan. "You'd be perfect."

She laughs suddenly and pulls back to look at me. "It's not about perfect. It's about that extra something. For you, that extra something is – was in Mikayla. I don't have your extra something. I don't have your heart."

"I don't even have my heart."

"You'll find it though, one day. I promise."

"I'm holding you to that promise."

"Do you feel better though?" she asks.

"With you here, yes? When you go, I don't know."

"Come on, Miley. I'm here for two days. Let's try to make you smile and feel better. Did you eat yet?"

"Sort of."

"Sort of? Not good enough. Come on, I'm ordering you a pizza and telling your dad to buy chocolate and ice-cream."

"Filling me up with junk won't make me feel better."

"Ugh Miley, you're so egotistical. The junk is for me." She grins, making me smile.

"Thank God you're here," I sigh, embracing her again.

I don't know what I'd be feeling right now if my best friend wasn't here to take my mind off of everything.

* * *

><p><strong>Mikayla's POV<strong>

"Alex, table two needs a refill! Root-beer!" Alex's dad yells.

"I'm on it," I reply, going over to pour them some more root beer from a large pitcher.

"Thanks," the couple says as I walk off.

"No problem," I respond even though they probably don't hear me.

This job sucks ass. All I do is carry food, drinks, trays and garbage back and forth. All fucking day. Outside this restaurant the love of my life, my second chance awaits me and I'm here attending to people. I don't get it.

If only I could talk to Sofiel and find out what the hell I'm supposed to do. This is driving me absolutely nuts.

"Hey, Russo!"

I look up to see a young guy, maybe around my age standing a few feet in front of me. I quirk a brow and set the pitcher of root beer down on the counter.

"Can I help you?" I ask, pulling out the notepad I've been making good use of all day.

"I think you know why I'm here," he replies.

I glance over my shoulder and then back at him. "Right, of course. Please have a seat and I'll get you a menu right away."

He rolls his eyes. "Russo, come on. That's not what I'm here for."

"Oh. So, you didn't come into the Waverly Sub Station for one of our satisfactory, flavorful and reasonably priced sandwiches that come with a free soda after four p.m.?" I ask.

He crosses his arms. "No..." he says, dragging out the word with an odd expression as though I'm an idiot.

"I think you may be in the wrong place. Have a nice day, come again." I fake enthusiasm along with a forced smile and turn away, but the strange guy grips my arm.

"Listen Alex, and you know this is important if I use your first name. We need to talk," he says with a distinct accent. He has to be Italian.

This must be Alex's ex. That makes sense.

"Who do you think you are? Keep your hands off of me," I warn, stiffly pulling out of his grasp.

He frowns. "Who do I think I am? Russo, you got a concussion or something?" he asks, pressing the back of his hand to my forehead which I quickly slap away. "Ow, hey!" he protests.

"Yo Alex, everything okay?" Max asks, striding over and crossing his arms in an attempt to appear authoritative. "Is Mr. Dean Moriarty causing any trouble, because as standing in for Justin's absence, I am now in place of older brother, meaning it's my responsibility to take care of any and all irritating ex, and I repeat, EX- boyfriends."

"Aw," I laugh and run a hand through Max's hair, ruffling it a little. "You're so sweet and yeah, you can take care of him." I smile seeing Max's delighted beam before I walk off to set down a few trays behind the counter.

"Russo! What's the issue? Can't we talk?!"

I glance over my shoulder to see Max ushering Dean outside the substation.

"And don't come back 'cause there's more where this came from!" Max says while flexing his right arm which actually brightens my mood considerably.

At least Alex has a cool younger brother. I think she said he was an airhead, but I don't see it.

"Thanks Max, don't know what I'd do without you."

He smiles so hard. "Anytime sis, anytime," he replies, trying to stay calm as he walks into the back with an air of pride, leaving me to chuckle at his display.

A few hours later, when it's finally closing time, I undo the apron, drop it behind the counter in its slot and let out a long sigh.

An arm suddenly finds its place over my shoulder and I look up to see Alex's dad. "This is the best you have ever worked, Alex. Is something wrong?" he asks.

I hold back a laugh. Damn Alex, you must be terrible if doing things right worries your dad, I think to myself.

"Um, yeah, everything's fine," I answer.

"Are you sure? You're still my little girl and I worry, you know. Your mom told me you were a bit emotional this morning and I saw Dean come in here. Anything you want to talk about? Your mom is always willing to listen," he offers, making me laugh for real.

"Thank…Dad," I say, voicing a word I haven't said in years. It normally would have felt wrong to call anyone my dad, but then again, I'm not exactly me at the moment. "Dean didn't bother me, Max took care of him and well, about this morning, just – girl issues."

"Ah, okay," he says, pulling me closer. "Not another word to me then," he adds in a playful tone.

"Of course not, Dad," I say, leaning my head against his chest. The man is like a big comfy bear. I'm telling you, having a father's real embrace is something different and until now, I didn't realize that it was such a beautiful moment. Alex is a lucky girl.

He kisses the top of my head and rests his chin against my hair. "You're so nice today," he sighs. "I think you should have a heart to heart with your mother and even Justin when he gets back."

"Hey Dad, let's not push it," I say, making him laugh.

"Alright, alright and remember, just 'cause you're suspended from school for this week does not mean you don't have your wizard lessons. They were canceled today because Justin's looking for a job, but tomorrow, I better see you in the lair. No sneaking out, got it," he says sternly.

Screw my life. Wizard lessons? What's a lair and I'm suspended from school for a week? What the hell does Alex do? Damn, I need find out.

"I don't think I deserved suspension," I grumble, forcing an irritated voice to which Mr. Russo laughs as though I cracked an insanely funny joke.

"Oh really? So you think it's okay to superglue every member of football team to the bench just so you don't have to sit through watching them lose another game?"

My eyes widen and humor bubbles up against my will. "Oh wow, that's priceless."

He nods and our laughter combines, getting loud.

"Best prank ever, but don't tell your mom."

"Don't tell me what?" Mrs. Russo inquires as she emerges from the back with a rag and bottle of cleaner to wipe down the tables.

"Oh nothing," I croon as I pull away from Alex's dad and take the supplies from her mother. "I'll clean up," I offer. At least it'll give me something to do. Keep my mind off of the one person it naturally strays to.

"Alex, are you okay?" she asks, pressing her hand against my forehead much like that Dean guy did earlier.

"Yeah, Mom. No worries, just feel like helping. You know, to apologize for getting myself suspended," I improvise.

She smiles. "Well, that's nice. Is there something you want?" she asks suspiciously.

"No, Mom," I chuckle. "Just bored, I guess. Nothing better to do."

"Don't forget you have an English, Math, and Science packet to do while you're suspended."

"What?!" I protest. Fuck you, Alex Russo! Just fuck you!

"Did you forget?"

"Um no, I didn't – I was just, yeah. I wasn't thinking about it. I'll start when I'm done cleaning here," I mutter before I furiously begin wiping the tables down while cussing Alex under my breath.

"I'm gonna go start on dinner," Mrs. Russo announces before exiting up the stairs.

"We're running low on meat and lettuce so I gotta pick some up. Will you lock up, Alex?" Mr. Russo asks.

"Uh, sure."

"Thanks, and remember, take all the money out of the cash register only after you lock up."

"Of course, is there any other way?" I retort even though I have no clue.

"Alright, good. See you at dinner," he says, heading for the door.

"Wait, Dad?"

"Yes?"

"Where do I put the money?" I ask.

His brow furrows. "Just give it to you mother, as usual."

"Right, sorry. I thought I was supposed to give you."

He nods. "Normally yes, but you know if I'm not here, she takes care of it."

"Yeah, just making sure," I mumble and return to wiping the tables.

Once he leaves and I finish cleaning, I spend a good while trying to figure out how to lock up. Clearly, I don't exceed at this.

"Something wrong, Alex?" Max asks coming from the stairs.

"Uh, no. Could you um, help me close up though?"

"Sure."

He instantly grabs a metal pole with a hook at the end of it from the back room and runs outside, using it to pull down the metal barriers. I watch him work, thankful that he just unknowingly saved me a whole lot of explaining. He uses padlocks to secure them in place and comes back in, shutting the front door, locking it as well.

"There ya go."

"Thanks, Max. I appreciate the help, my arm kind of hurts," I say. Gosh, I sound like such a girl.

"Is it 'cause Dean was holding you there earlier?"

"Yeah, let's go with that."

He scowls, shaking his head. "If he comes back around here, I won't be so nice next time."

I smile. He really is a sweetheart. "Thanks, Max."

He smiles back, waves away my nice tone, sprinting upstairs.

I empty and lock the cash register, turn off the lights, and head up after him.

"Mom, money," I say, handing the cash over to Alex's mom.

"Thank you, mija. Are you tired?"

"Little bit."

"You can nap before dinner."

"Actually, I need to start on those packets."

Her brows raise. "You sure you're okay."

"Um, yeah," I mumble and escape to Alex's room.

I'm a little worried about these stupid packets and I already have to figure out this wizard stuff. I'm expected to know some magic even if Alex is the biggest slacker on the face of planet Earth.

How do I fake magic? I know nothing about it. I glance around the room to see Alex's wand sitting on the dresser. When did that get here?

I sigh and pick it up. "What can you do?" I ask the wand.

Looks like we'll have to see if Max can be a little more useful.

"Max!" I call, leaving the room. It takes a moment but his head pops out from his room.

"Yeah?"

"Can you come with me to the lair?"

"Uh, sure. Why?"

"I'll tell you when we get there."

"Ooo, mysterious! Cool, let's go," he says excitedly before coming out of his room and all but drags me downstairs to the Sub Station. I'm sort of stunned when he leads me into the freezer to discover a whole new room in here.

Who would have thought? But it's clever and it makes sense.

"Sooo, what's the surprise?" he asks eagerly.

"Um, the surprise is that I plan to study."

His eyes widen like saucers. "Whoa…you – study? Wow Alex, I don't know what to say. That is a surprise." He gulps.

Seriously, what does Alex do? These reactions are beyond strange.

"Yeah, haha. Crazy, right?"

"Should I leave you to study then?" he asks, still looking baffled.

"Uh, I guess that's okay," I murmur. "And tell mom I'll grab dinner later," I add.

"Sure thing," he says before disappearing outside the lair.

I glance around and begin looking through the different book titles.

Finally, one seems to fit my needs. It's titled: _The Wizard's Beginner Guide to all things Proper and Magical._

I sit down in a lazy boy chair, open the book with a long sad sigh and begin to read. It's definitely a first for me to willingly read such a thick book.

This is what love makes me do. Ridiculous acts such as this. I feel beyond lame.

"You'd better get your butt over here soon, Miley," I growl, resigned to my fate as I learn about the various ways to cast spells.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: _Thanks for reading, love you all, and please review ^.^_

**P.S.** _What do you think about me adding the __**Victorious**__ cast to make this a 3-way Crossover? I look forward to responses c:_


	7. A Walking Memory

**Never Letting Go**

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><p><strong>DemenaLuvr<strong>: Awesome, lmao. I don't know when they will meet! :c Ask one of the angels! Geez :3 lol. Sorry for driving you crazy :p

**Ameha Kay**: Hey you! Yeah, you. I just wanted to say…I saw all your reviews and I thank you so very much ^.^ Thanks for the input and thank you even more for the compliments xD I really appreciate them :)

**Faded Innocence**: Lmfao…FFF or TAF . -Feels sick- Lmao. Haha, yes, more of those ^.^ I know you wanted first look at the chappy but you K.O'd, lmao.

**Greatpretender27**: Lmfao, hmm, interesting thoughts :D Whoa…damn…there are stories for that pairing? No judgment zone, but damn, that is major kink, lmfao. Love your input and thank you xD

**DoIHaveTo**: Lmao ^.^ The magic thing is mentioned in the chappy, so no worries c: I'm nearly positive that all my readers know the Victorious cast and if they don't then…what do you watch! :c Lmfao, jkjk xD Thanks so much for the review!

**Magi97**: Lmfaooo, I love that part too xD She's pretty much cursing herself out…cept it's not her, lmao. Thanks so much : )

**TheUsed**: Hey, welcome to the world of Mikiley then ^.^ Glad to have you here c: Thank you so very much for the compliment \o/ With your good wishes, I shall keep on writing :3 And although you are anonymous I feel like I know you o.o

**Luz4mj1995**: Lmfaoooo ^.^ I mean…nada :p Glad to see your enthusiasm at the mention of the Victorious crew xD Lmfao oh gosh, at your last comment xD Yes, more of those c: lolol.

**Don'tcarewhatpeoplesay**: Wow, I am so sorry about the person you knew that was sick and passed away. I seriously hope her family, her friends, and you are alright. I also hope that my story doesn't push at your memories too much :I I loved your comments on the last chappy and another yes to the Victorious cast ^.^

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 7: <strong>A Walking Memory

* * *

><p><strong>Miley's POV<strong>

I awaken, alarmed by the sound of Lilly's crying and spring up to see her bowed over on the floor, looking through one of my old photo albums.

Glancing at the clock, I learn that it's almost four a.m.

After I told my dad that Lilly was staying for a day and a half – now one day – we ordered pizza, ate junk, watched old movies, and drowned ourselves in singing songs we were once obsessed with. We did our best not to cry, but now I realize that we can't run from the pain.

It's odd how despair calls out, making us unravel in its misery. We follow so willingly, slaves to the emotion.

"She was barely nineteen, she was young, Miley and gorgeous. She was absolutely beautiful. And smart, don't forget smart," Lilly whispers once she see me sitting up.

Slowly, I stand and walk over to her, taking my place on the bedroom floor in front of the photo album.

"She was so strong too. She could always handle her emotions. She would cry alone and never need help, but if she saw you hurt, she'd reach out," Lilly says, stroking a photo of us three.

We had gone to the park that day with Mikayla's mom and step-dad, Brian. In the background, I could see Brian sitting on the swing, looking bored to hell while in front, Mikayla was on my left and Lilly, on my right. I was squished between them, and had pressed my lips against Mikayla's cheek while her fingers were doing that ridiculous bunny-ears sign to an oblivious at the time Lilly. There was a sparkle in Mikayla's eyes, reminding us of how alive she was. And her smile, oh God, her smile.

"I know, Lilly. She was amazing and I…" I stop myself.

"Say it," Lilly urges.

"I love her and it hurts so much, loving her when she's…dead." It feels wrong to say she's dead.

"I loved her too, Miley. I kind of wish I told her just once myself."

I know Lilly loved her, sometimes I wonder if she ever had a crush on Mikayla or maybe more, but what right did I have to ask because did it really matter? Lilly was and is the perfect best friend and I could never hold it against her because Mikayla is such an easy person to love.

Once you get past that tough exterior, you're trapped. She's got this edge. It's like a hook.

You had to break her down, get past the fences and all the walls she initially sets up. You have to pick numerous locks and finally, you may get to the real person. The loving soul with an open heart that not many can reach. But the crazy thing is, as hard as it was to get in, once you make it past all the barriers, everything is shut once more. The locks are bolted, the doors are closed, the fences are sealed, and the walls cave in. To get out is nearly impossible. And who wants to get out when what's past all those obstructions was something so beautiful. So worth staying locked inside for.

Now I wish I had a sledgehammer to break my way out, but then again, maybe I still like being locked in here although she's gone. Dwelling in the ruins reminds me that there was once something good here. Something that can't be changed. Something that was real and will always remain a part of me.

"Look, this is when we went hiking. Remember how Mikayla hid your boot?" I say and laughter finally breaks through Lilly.

"Oh god, yes. She was a jerk! Man, I spent two hours walking with one boot on only to find that she hid it in my own backpack," Lilly complains, reliving the memory.

"I won't forget how she always hid your crap on you and you never figured it out 'til she told you."

"I was so slow back then," she chuckles.

"Still are," I tease only to be shoved.

"Asshole," she mutters.

"Hey, that's Mikayla's nickname, not mine!" I protest.

We actually begin to feel better just talking about Mikayla when my bedroom door flies open.

"What's going on in here?" My dad demands but then seems surprised to see us sitting on the floor.

"Just remembering," I answer and he glances at the photo album with a frown.

"Oh," he mumbles. "You girls should to get to bed though. We have some packing to do tomorrow. I decided that you and Jackson are gonna move into our new place on Friday morning and then go to your interviews."

"Isn't that kind of fast?"

"It is, but my company wants to move this along. I need to start working on Monday so we'll use the weekend to get settled in."

"That's really short notice, Dad. I was supposed to spend my day with Lilly, not packing."

"Hey, it's alright. I can help you pack," Lilly offers.

I just look away as my dad beams.

"That's sweet of you, Lilly. I'm sure Miley appreciates it, but go to bed girls. It's late enough already," he says before locking my door.

Lilly closes the album and returns it back to my closet before we climb into bed again.

"It's not fair," I grumble, but she simply pulls the covers over us and whispers for me to sleep.

I don't fall asleep. She doesn't know that. Instead, I lay awake, turned on my side, listening to Lilly release slow, deep breaths every so often. She's trying not to cry, but she shakes and I hear the low whimpers as well as the soft tugs at her pillow.

Tears slip from my own eyes for her despair and for knowing that she's feeling something that maybe even I can't understand.

* * *

><p><strong>Mikayla's POV<strong>

"Urgh, this is ridiculous!" I moan, dropping my face into the wizard's guidebook. I know that Professor Crumbs gave me powers for the time that I'm playing Alex, but I just can't tap into them.

From reading, I've learned that there are spells you can memorize and say, but if you have enough concentration, you can simply make up a spell on the spot and so long as it had a rhyme, for whatever reason, and enough focus, it would work.

All I need is some damn concentration!

This book offered a simple spell to start out with, but no matter how many times I say it, nothing happens.

"Threemetris Movetris!" I exclaim, waving the wand at a small figurine in the shape of a woman. Nothing. "Ugh, come on!"

"Alex?"

I jump back, startled as I drop the heavy book on the couch when I see Justin by the entrance with a confused expression, watching me.

"Oh hey, Justin. What are you doing here?"

He glances at his watch then back to me. "Everyone knows that after nine p.m., I start my wizard lesson studying and planning for the next day. It's necessary so I can –"

"Oh my God, Justin! Do you always feel the need to explain every little detail?" I whine.

He crosses his arms, scowling. "What are you doing in here anyways? Looks like you're attempting to study, am I right?"

"You can't tell anyone."

"Trust me, they would not believe me," he sighs. Walking over, he picks up the large book, smiling faintly. "Oh, this is my favorite! It teaches new wizards the basics. I use this with all the kids I tutor – hey, why are you using it?" He asks in a defensive manner, hugging the book to his chest suspiciously.

"Uh, just trying to brush up on some magic, is all." I look away, gripping the wand tightly.

"Well, you're holding your wand wrong for starters and you never focus, so good luck with that," he says sarcastically as he puts the book down carefully before walking away.

"You're mean," I grumble which makes him spin on his heel to glare at me.

"Me! Mean? Me! Alex!" he shouts. "Me? MEAN?!"

"And apparently you have speech problems too."

"Ugh, Alex! No! I – you! Ugh! What is your problem?"

"I don't have one, but I think we've established yours."

"God! Why can't I have a nice normal sister?" he asks as if speaking to the wall.

"Why can't I have a nice normal brother?" I shoot back.

"Oh my God, Alex! I am the definition of normal!" he yells.

"Then normal sucks."

"Why are you so mean? I'm not mean! You're mean!"

"What else is new?" I retort. "Just leave me alone."

"Fine, I'm going!" he growls, heading for the exit, but then turns back, marching up right in front of me, both hands on his hips.

"I thought you were leaving," I say calmly.

"This is my study time, you go!"

"I was here first, you go!"

"Not like you'll ever be able to do any magic! No matter how much you study, Alex. It won't work."

"And why not?"

"Because you have no drive, nothing to focus on! You don't care, so you never do well! 'Cause you've given up before the competition even starts!"

Competition?

"What are you talking about? I never gave up…" I trail off, but he pulls out his wand and turns to the little figurine. I scrutinize the way he grips his wand, flicking his wrist as he nearly barks the spell.

"Threemetris Movetris!"

Immediately, the ornament transports ten feet and safely onto the floor. I'm a little struck seeing it happen so easily for him.

"See, Alex? You tried doing such a simple spell and you couldn't. Not because you're a terrible wizard, but because you don't care enough to try! You don't put yourself into it, you don't concentrate. There's no focus because you have nothing to try for!" he claims, glaring at me.

"I have plenty to try for!" I finally erupt. He's stoked some deep anger within me. He's saying I cause myself to be so powerless, that this is my fault and I know he means Alex, but it hits me too. Just hearing it.

I lift the wand, focusing on the strongest emotion I can summon at any given time: Miley and my desire to be with her. I flick my wrist much like he did and in my rage, I seethe the words: "Threemetris Movetris!"

Shocked am I when it actually works. I feel an unfamiliar energy stirring in me and traveling through my veins, into the wand. I can actually feel the magic inside myself. A burst of sparks shoot out from the tip of the wand and the figurine is transported back to its original spot on the table.

I stare at the wand in awe, but quickly force my appreciation away, turning back to Justin.

Instead of finding a glare, he's smiling. "See? Just some focus," he chuckles as though he finds it funny.

I look down, feeling ashamed. He was only trying to help me. "Justin, I –"

"I know, Alex. You don't have to say anything," he assures me. "By the way, I made the lesson for tomorrow. We're just learning about the rules of the wizard competition."

"Oh, thanks," I murmur.

"Don't mention it. Now, if you don't mind, I need to do research, so…"

"Yeah, I'll go," I finish for him as I tuck Alex's wand into my boot, grab the guidebook and head for the door, pausing for a moment to look back. "You're a good brother, Justin. Thanks."

He looks up, giving me a sincere smile. "And although you're a terrible sister, you have your moments," he concedes, making me smile back.

"Goodnight, Justin."

"Night, Alex."

I head out and run up the stairs to Alex's room. Once there, I fall back onto the bed, exhausted. I'll do the packets tomorrow. Right now, I need rest.

* * *

><p><strong>Miley's POV<strong>

"Thanks, Lilly. For everything," I say, hugging her tightly.

"Anytime, Miley. Seriously, if you ever need me, just call. The drive isn't so bad."

I shove her playfully before hugging her again. "It's gonna take you over a day to get back, I don't know why you drove so far in the first place," I scold, but she only looks down.

"I had to pay my respects. I had to visit her grave just once and tell her everything I never did. More importantly though, I had to spend time with you, Miley."

"You're gonna make me cry again," I say with a pained sigh.

"God knows you've done enough of that," she murmurs stiffly before pulling back. She holds my face between both hands. "I hate seeing your tears, Miley." Her thumbs stroke my cheeks gently and if I close my eyes, I can almost imagine it's Mikayla here with me.

"Don't go."

"I'm just a phone call away."

"That's still too far. I don't wanna be alone anymore."

With that Lilly pulls me back into her arms once more. "Come on, Miley. You can do this and you're never alone. It may not seem like much, but you still have your brother and your dad too. Plus, I'll come visit you over our next break. I promise."

"You make too many promises."

"I've kept them all so far. Trust me," she says, trying to reassure me.

"I do trust you. Just get home safe, I'll need you again."

She laughs. "I feel so special."

I just let out another painful breath and finally pull back for good. "Bye, Lilly."

"Goodbye, Miley. I'll see you soon and I know you plan on bombing your audition at that Art school, but just think it over, it might be fun."

I give her a weary smile. "I know, but I'm not up for it."

She nods. "I understand. Well, see you soon."

"Yeah, soon," I reply and watch her get into her car, starting it. She straps her seat-belt in place and with one last wave, she drives away.

I stand here, watching for a while and the farther Lilly drives, the emptier I feel. I glance back at my house and I don't want to be here anymore. I guess it's a good thing we're leaving tomorrow. Lilly helped me pack all my things. We spent so much time just gathering everything I had from Mikayla and it ended up filling two medium boxes. I never realized just how many gifts Mikayla had showered me with. Most of one box was just letters, or random poems, and songs she would write for me.

Lilly's left, my temporary fix gone. Stability comes and goes. Is that how this will work? For a moment someone good, someone close will make me feel alright, but once they leave, it's back to this? I don't want this. Just like Jackson, I want things back the way they were. I want that happiness again. I want her again.

"Miley!" my dad yells from the porch.

I shove my hands into my pockets and head towards him. "Hmm?"

"You gonna be all right?"

"Do I have a choice?"

He turns silent. He doesn't know what to say. Maybe I'm being too harsh. Maybe I'm being a total bitch to my father. I just don't know how else to be. I walk past him and decide to finish packing the last of my things.

Lilly and I went to visit Mikayla's grave this morning, that way she could say her goodbye and after that, we stopped by Mikayla's house.

I bring my fingers to the necklace I'm now wearing. Mikayla's mom, Mrs. Marshall gave it to me as a goodbye. It's a pendant of a silver snake with green emerald eyes on a silver chain. Mikayla used to love this necklace. She'd steal it from her mom's jewelry box every chance she could. Mrs. Marshall told me that she was going to give it to Mikayla eventually, but seeing how many different tactics Mikayla would use to get it always entertained her.

Now it belongs to me. Something she loved. Something she'd constantly steal. Something Mikayla would keep getting in trouble for. I was once that thing. That person. She loved me. She'd steal moments with me. She'd tell me all the time that I was worth the trouble. Now I'm the person she loved, wearing something she loved. A walking memory of Mikayla. Just a whisper now.

Sleep is nearly nonexistent throughout the night. I toss and turn, seeing only her. I'll never get past her, will I? Do I want to? Am I not trying hard enough?

"Miley, we gotta get going," my brother announces just as morning sets in.

"I'll be down soon," I answer and get up. I dress myself in a pair of old jeans, a plain black t-shirt, and boots. I throw on a pair of sunglasses because my eyes are a little puffy still and the sun is supposed to be out today. I think I look like shit. No way will the school accept me. They won't even wanna let me audition.

I smile sadly. At least I can control this.

"Wanna drive the car or the truck?" my brother asks.

"Car," I mumble and he hands me the keys.

All of our things are in a U-Haul truck and my dad's programmed the GPS in his car to the address of our new house. I'll be leading the way since Jackson still gets lost in our current house. Maybe I'm exaggerating, but still. He's terrible with directions.

"See you soon, Mi," my dad says, giving me a quick hug. He'll be driving out tomorrow with all our furniture and his own things.

I get into the car, start it, and wait for my dad to finish his lecture with Jackson so we can go. Once Jackson climbs in the truck behind me, I drive off, leading the way to Los Angeles. The sun comes up fully and it's much too early for this. With a sigh, I turn on the radio and follow the instructions in a state of monotony.

A little over two hours later, I'm pulling up in front of a large white house. It's a bit bigger than the place we have in Malibu and it looks pretty nice. What surprises me is seeing Siena sitting on the steps waiting for us.

"Baby!" she yells and Jackson zips past me faster than a horse in the Kentucky derby.

"Siena, I thought you were getting ready for your interview." He takes a glance at his watch. "Isn't it at ten?" he asks, confused.

I walk over and Siena pulls away from him to offer me a hug. I embrace her quickly as she explains herself. "The president of CSU had to reschedule my interview for one-thirty, so I decided we should all have brunch together, if that's okay and then we can go to our interviews together, Jackson since yours is at one."

"Oh man, Siena. Miley has her audition at two though, I'm supposed to go with her."

"That's okay," I cut in. "I can go alone. I just need to look up directions to the school."

"Actually, Miley, my friend's cousin goes to Hollywood Arts. She's a real sweet girl and if I ask, I'm sure she won't mind taking you herself. She knows the principal too, so that would definitely help give you an edge."

"I don't think that's necessary though. I mean, I can manage alone."

"Nonsense! Besides, it'll be less work in a new school. I'll call her," Siena insists. "Would you like to go inside and change for the audition?"

"Nah, this is what I'm wearing."

Siena pulls her shades down and does a once over of my casual outfit with a tight smile. "Ah well, if you're sure –"

"And I'm positive," I say with a forced smile as I walk past her.

"Can you open the door, Jackson," I request.

Together, the three of us unload most of the things into the living room and once I choose my room upstairs, Jackson moves all my boxes and bags up there for me.

This room has a dresser with a huge mirror attached, two night stands, a book shelf, a shelf that ran all across the top of the room's wall, two windows facing the backyard, and a small heater in the far corner. All that's missing is a bed which is supposed to be delivered later this evening.

Siena goes on a food run while I try my best to unpack all of my things quickly.

I get most of it done, but then I see that the two boxes labeled _Mikayla_ are left in the middle of the room untouched. I don't know what I want to do with them yet.

"Donuts and iced coffee!" Siena announces as I stroll into the living room. Jackson grabs the donuts quickly out of habit and begins gobbling one down while I opt for just the iced coffee.

"Babe," Jackson mumbles through his bites "We gotta go soon. There's gonna be traffic on our way there and back."

Siena looks at her cell phone for the time with a frown and nods. "You're right, let me just freshen up and I'll join you. Good luck on your audition Miley," she wishes, about to go, but then quickly turns back. "Oh, I called my friend and she said her cousin will pick you up at one-thirty. Just wait for a knock at the door, all right?" she advises. "I'll be right down!" she adds before running upstairs.

"Jackson, can't I go alone?" I ask, watching him struggle to swallow his mouthful and take a swig of his own iced coffee, making it looking ridiculously gross.

"Just go with her friend or whatever, at least I know you'll get home safely. It's a new area, it'll be easier and this way, you won't get lost or anything," he says through muffled bites. The whole living room is basically empty, still waiting to be furnished, so I take a seat on the steps while Jackson is perched on the edge of the radiator.

"Fine."

"Come on, Miley. You should be happy. You'll be going to an amazing high school."

I frown. "Why do you have so much faith in me? You do realize I can fail the audition." Which is the plan, but he shrugs, taking a long sip of his drink before answering.

"Because Miley, you are you. Whenever we're in Tennessee, you're belting out your own original stuff right off the top of your head. You're always on key, you have this instrumental stuff down too and you play pure pieces, your music is natural. It's amazing, Miles. I see how you go to a different place when you sing or play any instrument and it's like breathing for you. I don't see how you'd fail. I just don't."

It's actually really sweet to hear. I mean, I still plan on flopping, but it's nice knowing that my brother sees me as so talented in something that I truly do love.

"Thanks, Jackson. I didn't know you thought of me that way."

He grins. "Well, we're usually never this civil. I guess I'm finally growing up, being with Siena and after all we've been through, I feel comfortable having a real conversation with you. I just, I wish you didn't grow up with me. It's just not your time. It…it wasn't her time either."

My jaw tightens and I take a sip of my beverage, trying to force the lump in my throat down. "Yeah…" I whisper, trailing off as Siena returns.

"Ready, babe?" she asks and Jackson hops up.

"Yeah, um. Bye, Miles. I'd say good luck, but you won't need it."

I smile. "Thanks, I think it's necessary that I say good luck for your interview though."

He rolls his eyes and comes forward, giving me a quick hug. "Feels nice to see your sense of humor make an appearance," he says and takes his keys before leaving with one last wave.

Having time to waste, I walk around our new house, looking in every room, avoiding the basement. I don't do basements, not alone, anyways. Or attics, or closets. I guess I haven't explored that much then.

I kick at the wall out of absolute boredom when the bell rings. I hadn't realized there was a bell so my attention snaps to the door. Sliding my phone into my pocket, I walk over, opening the door before my eyes take in the girl standing on my porch.

She's slim, tan, has thick brown hair, ridiculously amazing cheekbones, brown eyes, and is probably an inch or so taller than me. She's dressed in acid wash skinny jeans, trendy black boots, a sleeveless and stylish top that has a black inner part and a green and blue outer part made up of shimmering sequins. Hanging loosely from her neck is a long silver necklace for added elegance along with a few bracelets.

If I had to put money on it, I'd say she's an up-and-coming actress. She's the poster girl for pretty. She has a kind air about her, twinkling eyes, and her slender hand reaches out between us.

"Hi, I'm Tori Vega. My cousin told me that her friend, Siena told her to tell me to take you to my school for an audition, right?" she informs and asks all at once in a rushed sentence.

I look at her hand and accept it. "Yeah, sorry about the trouble. I told her I could find it myself instead of bothering anyone. I'm Miley Stewart."

Her grip is nice, firm, and comforting even. She smiles as our hands separate. "It's no trouble at all. Thanks to you, I don't have to drop my annoying sister off for one of her special facial treatments." Her smile quickly becomes a laugh.

"Oh well, thanks anyways," I murmur, stuffing my hands into my front pockets, giving her a chance to look at me too. I don't care if she looks down at my effortless outfit, but she doesn't seem to care.

"Come on, Miley. My car's right there," she says, gesturing to the red convertible.

My brows raise. "Nice car," I compliment as I lock the front door and walk with her.

"Thanks, it's not mine though, it's my sister's."

"Nice of her to let you drive it."

"Nice, hmm? Well, Trina can be nice – rarely – and in weird ways, but no, if it were up to her, I would never touch her car. It's only thanks to my dad that I can use it." Her voice is really smooth and I know right away she has to have a singing background.

We get into the sleek ride and both buckle our belts before she pulls onto the road. It's quiet for a moment, but I suppose she's a talkative person with how she tries to converse with me. "So, are you new here? I've never heard of anyone auditioning after the semester's begun."

"I actually just drove down from Malibu with my brother this morning. My dad's job transferred him here, so I have to switch schools. I used to go to Seaview High."

She glances at me curiously for a moment. "So um, what's your thing? Your talent?"

My brows lift again. "What do you think it is?"

She stares at me a moment longer. "Hmm, dancer?"

I chuckle. I can dance, but not good enough to call it my talent. "Really? That's your best guess?"

"Hey, give me a break. It's not easy to know what a person is good at. I mean, come on. Guess what I do at Hollywood Arts," she challenges with a laugh.

"Well, with your appearance, I'd say you're an actress, with your voice, I'd say you can sing, plus your body tells me you have a great form for dance, and from your handshake, since your hands are smooth, with no callouses, I doubt you can play an instrument, unless it's a wind instrument, but that's all just speculation."

"What the heck? All that from the first meeting? Wow, that's dead on Miley," she confirms, astonished. "I can't play any instruments, I wish I could and I'm actually trying to learn to play the French horn and the piccolo!" she says excitedly.

"Really, the piccolo?" I ask with a chuckle.

"What's wrong with the piccolo?" She's practically pouting.

"Nothing, I just. I've never heard someone say that with so much pride before." I actually find myself laughing at her expression.

"Hey, hey, at Hollywood Arts we all have to play an instrument and last time I checked, the piccolo is a perfectly fine flute!"

"I'm sure it is. Are you any good at it?"

She turns silent. "Well, um. I'm getting there. Maybe I'll show you when you come to my school."

I let out a sigh. "I'm not coming to your school."

"What do you mean?" she asks.

"I mean, I um. I'm not talented so I won't be passing the audition."

Her forehead creases deeply. "Then why are you auditioning?"

"My brother kind of trapped me into it."

"Oh. Why?"

"He wants me to get past my…depression faze, express myself and all that stuff."

"Depression faze? What's got you down?" she asks with genuine concern.

I chew on my lip for a moment, thinking of how to word this. "My ex, who I happen to still love very much – met with an accident and passed away recently." I didn't think saying it to a girl who's a near stranger could be so hard, but at the end of my admittance, my chest begins to ache. I swallow, my fist holding the belt tightly against my torso while my jaw locks and for some reason unknown to me, I force a weak smile in some silly attempt to make it all seem okay.

The silence is tense for a moment as she processes what I just told her.

"I, I'm so sorry," she stutters. "I could, I could never imagine how that must – wow." Her mouth snaps shut, her eyes focusing on the road. "If you somehow do pass your audition, you have one friend at Hollywood Arts to talk to about anything or nothing. Whatever you prefer," she says with sincere compassion.

"Thanks, Tori. That's kind of you to say," I murmur, blinking away a few tears that burn their way out. We sit in comfortable silence before she pulls into the high school's parking lot. She gets out of the car quickly, leaning against the front door, looking out in the opposite direction, allowing me a moment to wipe away the tears and get out of the car, sucking in a much needed breath.

"Think you can do this?" she asks, coming around to me.

"Nope, but that's the plan."

Her eyes widen, probably realizing what I mean, but she doesn't say anything. Instead, she leads me inside the building. "Your audition will be in the Blackbox theatre, come on." She fidgets with her necklace as I follow her into the auditorium. There are seats and a stage with a grand piano in the corner and a microphone front and center.

An impatient looking woman sits in the very front row and another woman, taller and more professional looking points me out.

"That's our principal, Helen. She's kind of new, even made me re-audition. Go introduce yourself. I'll wait for you right here," Tori says, taking a seat in the middle row. "Good luck," she wishes with a small thumbs up.

I nod and walk over to Helen. "Hello, my dad called to set up an audition for two –"

"I know, I know, Miley Stewart," she cuts in. "You're lucky your dad is a very convincing man, so you have one opportunity to prove that you deserve this chance. Go on, blow my mind." Her instruction makes me feel bad for wasting her time.

"Uh, well. Alright." I go up on stage and pass the microphone, taking a seat at the grand piano.

"Wait, wait, wait! What are you doing?" Helen asks.

"Um, playing the piano?" I say in the form of a question.

"What are you playing?"

Well, I initially planned to just screw up a famous piece but as I let my fingers glide over the ivory keys, I can't help myself.

"Something I wrote," I reply, already lost in memory.

"Oh, original? I love originality, let's hear it!"

The last time I sat at a piano was with Mikayla.

* * *

><p><em><strong>*Flashback*<strong>_

* * *

><p>"Kayla, I wrote you something," I had whispered, kissing her bare shoulder, thankful that she chose to wear a tank top that day. It was our free period at school and we usually snuck into the auditorium to mess around or cuddle.<p>

Mikayla loved pulling me on stage, making up a character for the both of us, and we'd just jump right into an improvised skit. Moments like that were amazing, except…her character would always, for some reason, save my character and I'd owe her a kiss. It was beyond adorable how she managed to trick me every single time.

We were laying on the stage floor, cuddling behind the curtains, on our jackets. No one was ever in there during that period and we took advantage of it. Plus, Mikayla learned how to pick locks just for the purpose of sneaking in there with me. It was our special place. No one could ruin it because during moments like that, we were in sync, we were free, and we were simply love. The very word itself.

"What did you write for me?" she murmured, lifting her head up. She had brushed my hair back and began stroking my cheek.

"I never named it, but I was bored, and playing my dad's piano. I actually ended up making my own piece for you. I never thought I could write my own, but I was thinking of you and how we have to hide our relationship and well, it just came to me in one long frenzy of inspiration."

She grinned and before I could finish the sentence even, she was standing and pulling me up with her.

"Mikayla!" I protested, but she just dragged me to the front of the stage, to the old piano and pushed me down onto the small bench.

"Play it," she ordered.

"You are so impatient! Can't I just play it when we're alone at my house?"

"No, play it now!" she whined in her baby voice. I giggled lightly, actually loving her enthusiasm and genuine interest in everything I did. Especially when it was dedicated to her. Throwing one leg over the bench, she sat perpendicular to me, wrapping me up against her. "Please, play it," she whispered in my ear. Unwillingly, I shivered and met her gaze.

"Okay, for good luck?" I requested like I always did before playing anything which made her smile.

"For good luck," she said, kissing me. It was short but significant and even though she was basically attached to my body, playing was still simple for me. I loved moments like that with her at the piano.

I also taught her how to play one piece by Beethoven titled: _Quasi una Fantasia_ or in English, _Moonlight Sonata_ that she adored. She said it made her feel peaceful and so we lost ourselves for a while when I showed her how to play it. I felt honored to teach her because she was such a quick study.

Most of those lessons were our fingers lingering in the middle of the keyboard, brushing together fondly. It was the only piece she ever learned and she said it was the only one she'd ever need to know.

With me playing my new music for her, I could feel her delight with every key I pressed.

I closed my eyes, her presence overwhelming me, allowing me to lose myself to the moment. I played with vigor and passion, telling the tale of our love that was so strong despite being a secret.

I gave her the truth in art at that moment. I completely lost myself, my heartbeat rising with each note. I must have looked crazy to her, I must have looked delirious, breathing out harshly because of all the emotion I was feeling. I finished the piece and the moment my fingers stilled, her hands gripped my face, pulling me in for a searing kiss as she whispered that she loved me so much it hurt.

"I know the name of this," she had murmured, pulling away from my lips, breathing heavily.

"What is it?" I whispered.

* * *

><p><em><strong>*End Flashback*<strong>_

* * *

><p>"What is that?" A voice cuts in, making me blink. I look up, as though coming back to a world I forgot existed.<p>

"Pardon me?" I ask confused.

"What is the name of that piece?" the principal, Helen, asks in a tone of awe.

I realize I'm breathing harshly, my fingers still tingling, and emotion heavy in my chest. Tori's now standing in the front, her eyes glued to me, appearing speechless. I become conscious of what's happened.

I lost myself…I can't even find words.

"That was just, it was beautiful, Miley. You are so talented and full of passion. I cannot wait to have you here with us. You're accepted, but tell me, what was the name of that piece? It was classy and heartbreakingly beautiful. Rarely does a student play so feverishly with focus and genuine love. Please, what is it called?" she asks as though she has to know.

I swallow the lump in my throat. This wasn't supposed to happen. She's waiting for an answer so I repeat what Mikayla said to me that day.

"_A whisper crying love."_

Mikayla had said that my composition was like a soft cry, whispering of our love, begging to be known.

"I am so sorry. I have to go," I choke out before racing off the stage and out of the auditorium.

I need air terribly because my heart is aching from playing after so long. Having her memories strewn around my mind so vividly threatens to break me. All I am now is a whisper, a soft airy whisper, weeping for her love.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: _Awh, well, stay tuned my friends :3_


	8. Heavenly Help

**Never Letting Go**

* * *

><p><strong>Ameha Kay<strong>: Awh, I appreciate hearing that. Thank you so very much L:

**Greatpretender27**: I'm glad you liked the flashback xD I enjoyed writing that c: Lmao, oh man, now I wanna know if Robbie found them in an awkward position o.o Lol, lovely review [=

**Faded Innocence**: Lmfao, still your fault xD And hah! Sucker xD It'd suck if there are mistakes in chappy tho-_- Also, yes, he was a good brother ^.^ Whoa now, ease the pain? O.o How so? Lmao.

**Pyro**: Hmm, more flashbacks? Sounds interesting o.o Lmao, Friendship or something else, huh? I hope it is fun xD Here is the update anonymous but loyal reviewer c:

**FireHeartBurns**: Yes, you did miss a lot :c That would be sad :T Awh, thanks so much for saying I wrote that part perfectly ^.^ And I don't know why :c But thank you for the compliment xD

**DoIHaveTo**: Awh, thank you c: I agree, the flashback was cute ^.^ Oh damn...illegal, you say? Do share c: Love the review L:

**DemenaLuvr**: Whoa…you have no idea how honored I am that you read my story in class xD Sorry you got your phone confiscated though D; I give you this chappy as an apology o.o Thank you so much for the compliments. I really take them to heart.

**Luz4mj1995**: Did I? I did not. Prove it, hah :p

**ScaryMiley**: Neither can I, to be honest ^.^

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 8: <strong>Heavenly Help

* * *

><p><strong>Miley's POV<strong>

I run out of the Blackbox theatre despite Helen's protests and sprint down the empty hallway. I don't know where the hell I'm going but I need air. I need to realize what just happened and calm down.

I stop by a staircase entry and lean against the wall, closing my eyes as I sink to the floor, sliding both hands into my hair, while dropping my head down on bent knees.

For a moment, seeing nothing, breathing slowly, and with unfocused thoughts, I feel myself calming.

"Miley?"

My gaze shoots up to Tori who's approaching slowly. I drop my face back down. "Please go. I wanna be alone."

She's silent and for a second I think she's actually left until I feel her settling down in front of me. Lifting my head, my blurry eyes focus on her. She's kneeling, with a hint of caution in her eyes, before she lets her hand settle on my shoulder. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No," is all I can murmur.

"That composition, did you mean to play it?"

"No." I look down again, my fingers restless in my hair.

"Miley, did you want to fail your audition?" she probes.

I nod for my lack of words.

She's quiet, rubbing my arm gently. "What you played, the way you looked, it was almost…supernatural," she whispers.

I meet her gaze. "What?"

"You looked possessed…" she trails off.

"So what now? I'm a freak or something? Great, thanks," I mutter dryly.

"No! No, it's not like that!" she exclaims, gripping my other shoulder to make me focus on her again. "I don't mean you looked exorcist-type possessed, I meant you looked like a different person. You were smiling and the movement of your hands, it was just – I'm still in awe seeing someone play like that up close. Your whole body was in the moment. It was like you went to another world. It was scary in one way, yes. But in another, it was extremely raw and full of life. Something I thought I'd never see from you even though we just met. I can't help but wonder, that piece –"

"Please don't ask," I cut in, knowing she's figured that it was for Mikayla. "The answer is yes."

"Whisper crying love, it's beautiful. Your love must have been something special."

"Can we go?" I ask, standing and pulling away from her in the midst of the movement.

She quickly stands as well, nodding. "Sure, we can go." She walks ahead of me while I simply trail behind.

The drive is short and we fall into a silent slump, but when Tori pulls up in front of my house and I move to get out, she stops me, holding onto my shoulder. "Wait. Helen told me to let you know, you can start coming to Hollywood Arts on Monday. Your schedule will be waiting in the attendance office. You just have to pick it up."

"Don't I get to choose my classes?"

She shrugs. "If you don't like what you get, you're free to change it with our guidance counselor Lane, but I think you'll be in most of my classes anyways."

"Alright and thanks, Tori. I'll see you Monday, I guess."

She smiles, waving as I lock her door. "Can't wait!" she says before I walk off.

I enter the still empty new house and take a seat on the steps. I curl up and close my eyes, wanting nothing more than to hide behind the darkness beneath my lids. At least I don't have to see if I don't want to.

* * *

><p><strong>Mikayla's POV<strong>

"Mom! Alex won't get out the bathroom!" Justin yells, sounding agitated.

I chuckle and ignore him as I enjoy my hot shower.

"Alex, come on. Your brother has to go out! Please hurry," my mom – correction – Alex's mom requests. I let out a grunt as I hurry.

"Finally!" Justin exclaims when I open the door.

"You're annoying," I sigh, causing his eyes to narrow.

"And you're just a bag of sunshine!" he retorts.

"Yeah, no. Don't ever call me a bag of anything," I say, pushing past him.

"Did you really use all the hot water, again?!" he moans as steam pours out the bathroom.

"Oh my God, do you really narrate everything I clearly do?" I ask, getting ridiculously irritated by him.

"I wouldn't if you didn't –"

"Did anyone ever buy you a muzzle? If the answer is no, then I will gladly order you one." That makes him go silent and I look back to see his thoughtful frown.

"When I was thirteen, I liked this girl. She had a really cool bulldog and um. She took his muzzle off and gave it to me as a gift," he answers seriously.

My eyes roll and I fight the urge to laugh. "Why am I not surprised? And FYI, my question was rhetorical. You could have saved yourself the shame."

"I am not ashamed. Besides, big word from you Alex. Do you even know the definition of rhetorical?"

My eyes narrow at that. "Yes, I do! I mean, uh. Well, I'm not a nerd like you! I get the gist of it, gosh. Expecting me to know a damn word-for-word definition," I mutter, escaping into my room and snapping the door shut before he can say anything else.

Even though Justin and I shared a nice moment in the lair, it seems like we just can't get along. He's always whining about something, expecting me to care, surprised if I do, and then arguing with or annoying me. Not to mention, he is a first class know-it-all.

As I look through Alex's closet for an outfit, a deep sigh tears from somewhere deep in my chest. It feels like an eternity being away from her. How long must I stay here? Doing schoolwork, acting as if I'm part of this family, feigning and actually learning magic? When will I have my chance? How will I make Miley love me if she's in Malibu and I'm in fucking New York?

Distance never helped any love story. To make mine begin again, I need to travel it and get to her.

"Alex?" Justin calls with a light rap at the door.

"What!" I snap, quickly losing all sense of calm.

"Don't yell, I'm just reminding you that your shift starts in ten minutes."

"I know," I groan. I guess my love story isn't as important as serving hungry customers some shitty sandwiches that they could easily make themselves at home for less fucking money! I tug a shirt on over my head, run a hasty hand through my hair, and storm towards the door.

Nobody better fucking talk to me today. I am not in a good mood.

* * *

><p><strong>Miley's POV<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Monday Morning<strong>

* * *

><p>"Miley, it's seven-thirty. Don't you think you should get going?" my dad asks. The whole weekend was spent settling into our new house, bringing in the new furniture and getting used to L.A., though there's a lot more left to do.<p>

"Mhm," I answer through a mouthful of frosted flakes.

"Class starts at eight and you have to still pick up your schedule. Do you need a ride?"

"No, I'll drive." I certainly don't want to start my first day in a new school with my dad dropping me off.

"Oh right, I forgot I gave you my car," he murmurs.

I look up. "Is there a problem?" I half expect him to take it back anyways.

"No, I just forgot. Guess I'm so used to dropping you everywhere," he says with a small smile. I consider reciprocating the smile, but the sound of Jacksons footsteps steals my attention when he rushes into the kitchen.

"Shit, shit, shit! Dad! Where's my phone?" Jackson cries out, panic in his voice.

"Language, Jackson," my dad scolds.

"No, no, no! Siena will get so mad if I missed her good morning phone call!" he yells, running both hands through his hair. Wow, this is really stressing him out.

"Uh, good morning phone call?" my dad drawls.

"Yes!" Jackson exclaims.

I get up to put my bowl in the sink and chuckle. It's kind of sweet how dedicated he is to her. I open the cupboard that I took the cereal out of earlier and retrieve his phone.

"Here," I offer and immediately he grabs the device and checks it.

"Oh, thank God! No missed calls." He lets out a breath of relief and bear-hugs me.

"Get off," I grumble. For some odd reason, I woke up in a really crappy mood this morning.

He pulls back, grinning. "Anyway, did I mention how proud I am that you passed your audition?" he asks with a huge grin.

"Yeah, I think you mentioned it a few hundred times, plus you bought me a cake and a new guitar, so yeah. I know. You're delighted. I got the message. No need to keep saying it." I'm still mad at myself for passing and even angrier for losing myself to that moment. "I'm out anyways," I add, grabbing my book bag before exiting the kitchen.

They call out goodbyes that I'm already too far to respond to before I leave through the front door, get into what's now my car, and drive to school in silence.

It's as if I'm living a moment. Just one continuous moment. It never ends. It never changes. It's so monotonous and I guess in a way it's comforting. It's like my mind has created a safe haven that's so dreary to help me feel as though I'm in the place I deserve to be.

I pull into the lot connected to Hollywood Arts, park and get out of my car. The one thing that seems nice about this atmosphere is that people are into their own thing, hanging with their friends or groups, not bothering with me simply for being new. No questioning looks plagued me yet and I'm thankful for that much.

My book bag is light; all I'm carrying are two pens, a led pencil, and one spiral notebook. My hair's loose and probably messy. I stuck to a pair of worn out jeans, boots, and a gray top. Mikayla's favorite necklace hangs from my neck and my fingertips graze the silver serpent with a sigh.

I enter the school and before I can even look at the unfamiliar faces, my name is practically sung.

"Miley!"

My eyes focus on Tori. She shoves some books into her locker and shuts it quickly before rushing over to me. My gaze remains on her locker though. The door is decorated and lit up, emphasizing the words: _Make it Shine_. That makes sense, I think, looking at her. She's so bright.

"Hey, what's up?" I ask, glancing at all the other interesting lockers. "Nice locker," I add.

"Oh thanks, and not much. Just getting ready for my first class. Did you get your schedule yet?"

"Uh, no actually. Does everyone decorate their locker doors?"

She grins. "Yes, it's one of the many traditions here. Want me to show you the attendance office?" she asks.

"That'd be great."

"If you're curious, you have to decorate yours too. It might seem hard at first but you have all the time you need to get it right," she says, leading the way.

"Sounds fun," I remark.

She laughs lightly. "Your sarcasm reminds me of someone."

My brow raise. "Who?"

"Oh, you'll meet her. Just don't look into her eyes, she may swallow your soul," Tori jokes, making me smile.

"Doesn't sound too bad right about now."

She frowns. I guess she doesn't like my sense of humor. "Come on, here it is," she says, holding my forearm and pulling me into the office.

An older woman sits behind the front desk, typing away at her computer.

"Hey, um. I'm a new student here and I wanna pick up my schedule," I say, interrupting her. She puts her index finger up, indicating that she needs a moment and continues to type.

I sigh and turn to look at Tori who shrugs. "So, oh! Everyone has lunch together, usually in the Asphalt Café," she informs me.

"Sounds nice."

"Yeah, our lunch break is an hour long so you really get to chill out. You can sit with me and my friends if you'd like."

"Thanks. I appreciate it Tori, but it's not really necessary to force me on your friends."

She rolls her eyes. "Don't think like that. They're cool. Well, most of them. You'll get along fine."

"Are you Miley Stewart?" the lady asks.

"Uh, yeah. That's me," I reply, turning back to her.

"Here's your schedule. If you need any changes, take it up with your guidance counselor, Lane Alexander. Every class is forty-five minutes long apart from the lunch break. You have five minutes in between classes, your locker number and combination have been written on the top right of your schedule. First class starts promptly at eight a.m. Good luck; we welcome you to Hollywood Arts, and have a wonderful first day," she wishes with a forced smile.

"Yeah, thanks," I say, turning back around as I read over the schedule. Tori peers over my shoulder as we exit the office and I can just feel her beaming. Why's she so happy?

"You have Improv with me!" she sings.

The first class on my schedule is indeed Acting/Improvisation.

"Anything else?" I ask.

She takes the schedule from me. "Oh wow, I didn't know Mrs. Yonders taught English. Thought she was just a History teacher. Anyways, sucks you have math third, but I think the stage fighting class covers your physical education requirement. Um, oh! You have Music with Anthony. He's an awesome teacher, my friend Andre got an A in that class with a little help from me," she says happily. "After your lunch break, you've got Museum Studies. That's basically like photography and I hear it's pretty fun. Last, you have theatre with me! Our teacher is Paul, he's cool. I should probably mention that Sikowitz is our Improv instructor and he is just all kinds of weird, so brace yourself. Basically, we have two classes and break together," she sums up.

"That's great." I look at my cell phone to see it's seven fifty-four a.m. "We should probably head to class."

Her enthusiasm seems to simmer away at my lack of it. "Uh, sure." She leads the way into the classroom and scattered all around are various seats but no desks. Tori takes a seat next to a guy with long hair, an interesting look, and a nice smile.

"Hey, Beck. This is Miley, she's new."

"Nice to meet you, Miley," he greets warmly.

"Nice to meet you too," I respond and taking the seat next to Tori, I drop my bag on the floor before crossing my legs, glancing around the room.

"Oh! A new girl, I'm Robbie!" A curly-haired boy jumps in, taking the seat next to me.

"Uh. Hi, Robbie," I murmur, looking at the small puppet cradled in his hand.

"Oh my, look at the new girl checking me out," the puppet says with a scary chuckle. Well, I'll admit this guy is a good ventriloquist. Seems like the puppet is actually speaking. "The name is Rex, Rex Powers, nice to make your acquaintance." He speaks properly but something about this puppet screams creepy and well, Robbie doesn't make a much better impression.

"Yeah, same." I cross my arms and focus my stare on the front where a small stage is.

"That's all right. Pay no attention to me. I prefer Northridge girls anyway."

"Miley, just ignore Robbie and his puppet, everyone else does," Tori says.

Quickly, Robbie covers its ears. "He does not like that word!"

"Puppet, puppet, puppet, stupid, ugly puppet!" a colder voice snarls, making Robbie jump up and run to the back of the room, apparently trying to shield himself and his puppet.

I look over at the pale girl standing next to me, holding a cup of coffee. Her hair is long and black with green highlights. Her style is definitely punk/Goth from the all-black skirt, tucked in tight top, black silver-studded boots, complete with dark accessories. Even her eyes are an icy greenish-blue color.

"Jade, was that necessary?" Beck asks.

"Is his existence necessary?" she shoots back, falling into the now Robbie-vacant seat.

"Those two recently broke up and this is the girl that can suck your soul away. Avoid the eyes," Tori whispers in my ear.

I smile and take another glance at her. Everything about her presence screams angry. I look ahead again but Jade turns in her seat, focusing on me.

"So Vega, who's your friend?" She croons.

"My name is Miley," I say without meeting her gaze.

"No one was talking to you."

"Yeah well, someone was talking about me."

"Not the same thing."

"Doesn't really matter."

"If I wanted you to talk, I'd ask."

"If I cared, I'd be offended."

"Why are you still talking?!"

"Why are you so bothered?"

"Vega," Jade says with a hint of warning. "I don't like your friend."

"Tori," I say, matching her tone. "Jade doesn't like me, how will I go on?"

"Uh, why don't we sit somewhere else?" Tori suggests, clearly uncomfortable.

"Yeah, why don't you?" Jade adds.

I turn my body slightly to face her. I am so not in the mood for this. "I was here first. You can leave if you like."

"Jade, come on. Just drop it," Tori tries.

"I will not –"

"Sorry, sorry, sorry class! So, so sorry for being late!" an older, balding man bellows as he runs to the front of the room, holding a coconut and a small cardboard box. He drops his box and faces us. Why is he barefoot?

"You're not late, you're actually right on time," Beck says.

"Ah, so." He scans the room. "Then that means they are all late! Hah!" he shouts.

"Um, what?" another student asks.

"What?" Mr. Sikowitz says.

"You said they're all late, who's they?" Robbie questions.

"You know who they are?" the teacher asks, walking over to Robbie.

"Uh, no. But you just said –"

"I know what I said! What are you saying?"

"Can we just start?!" Jade growls impatiently.

"Ah, and start we shall, but first. Is this a new face I see?" he says, coming over to me.

"Yeah, new," Jade mutters.

"I'm –" I start to introduce myself, but the man must be on some funny pills because he throws his hands up.

"Miley Stewart! I know! I received the text from Principal Helen. She says you are quite the pianist."

Now I'm uncomfortable. "Yeah."

"So, here you are, a pianist in my acting class. Tell me, do you act?"

"No." I've messed around with Improv, but only with Mikayla. Never for real.

"Why don't you show us who you are?"

I frown. "What?"

"That's right, get up there and blow us away," Jade challenges.

"But, it's my first day," I oppose because I really do not want to stand up and do anything.

"That makes it even more necessary. You're new! We don't know what you can do yet. Come on, just get on stage, and do anything that will show us who you are," the teacher insists.

"Well, what do I do?" I ask.

"Oh my God. You get up. Go in front. And make something up!" Jade growls.

"You can sing if you'd like, or dance, or act, whatever you want."

"Alright, Mr. Sikowitz," I murmur while standing but everyone laughs. I frown, looking around the room.

"We just call him Sikowitz. Mister sounds weird," Tori says quickly.

I walk to the front onto the small stage and look out at the other students, shoving both hands into my front pockets. I don't know what to do. I smile a bit though. The last time I acted out a skit was with Mikayla. I swallow. Maybe it makes sense to talk to her up here.

"I guess I'll do a scene."

"Wonderful!" Sikowitz exclaims. "What about?"

"I'll talk to someone I remember."

"This ought to be fun," Jade comments, sarcasm noted.

"Good luck," Beck says with a smile. Tori gives me a thumbs up and a small wink while the rest of the class focuses on me. Their stares are intimidating so I simply close my eyes.

"I guess you could call this, a letter to my love," I start. I take a deep breath and pretend Mikayla can hear me. At least it would be easier.

"Hey you, I hope you're all right where you are. You've been gone for a while but I'm doing okay. I've moved on and things aren't so bad, I'm not that sad. I'm not amazed to be alive. The worst has passed. I feel like I exist and I wouldn't complain. I'm free again. The truth is my heart only breaks when it's beating. My dreams only die when I'm dreaming. It only hurts when I'm breathing. Can I be honest? I hold my breath. I hope to forget. Don't worry though, don't believe that I'm in bed, crying every night. You don't have to feel bad. I'm really all right. Matter of fact, I don't even look back, because it only hurts to breathe, and my heart only breaks when it beats. I'll only die if I dream." I hesitate, thinking of her smile and it hurts so much.

"I have stopped dreaming. My heart has stopped beating. Sincerely, this breathless being." I open my eyes to see everyone leaning forward. Keeping my hands deep in my pockets, I walk off the stage and take my seat, willing myself to stay strong.

Sikowitz applauds loudly as he jumps back on stage and everyone else claps as well. Even Jade and I avoid looking at Tori, knowing I'll see some form of pity.

"Wonderful, just wonderful. I think you make a fine addition here at Hollywood Arts, Miley! Now, let's begin with our task for today!" he announces, bringing forth his little cardboard box.

"That was…interesting," Jade murmurs.

"Thanks?"

"Don't mention it. Seriously, don't," she warns. Well, this school is just awesome.

* * *

><p><strong>Mikayla's POV<strong>

I finish closing the Sub Station when Mr. Russo calls for me. "Alex! Come see who's here!"

I trudge upstairs, tired and my back feels all achy. How does Alex stand this?

"What?" I ask with a yawn, but once I enter the living room, I become a little dazed.

"Oh, Mr. – uh, I mean, Professor Crumbs! Hey," I stutter.

"Hello Alex," he greets with a knowing smile.

"What are you doing here?" I look around awkwardly to see Mr. and Mrs. Russo standing by the sofa while Justin is next to the old wizard and Max is nowhere to be seen.

"I'm here on business, to talk to Justin."

"Yeah, about that," Mr. Russo says. "I don't think this is such a great idea."

"Oh hush now, Jerry. It is a very good idea. It will certainly look good to the wizard council if Justin grabs hold of this opportunity and proves himself to be the best monster hunter alive."

"They all end up dead!" Mrs. Russo protests.

"Now, that's not true, Mom. I was a monster hunter before and I'm still alive. I don't see why I can't do this job."

I fold my arms. So this is about Justin, I realize, sighing as I slump back into the orange couch.

"You Russo's just need to relax. We have a wonderful apartment for Justin to stay in and he's a perfectly smart young man, he'll be fine," Professor Crumbs assures them.

"Justin's leaving?" I ask, confused.

"Yes. Some unidentified loose monsters are in L.A. Justin will need to stay there and catch them, but the main reason we want him there is so he can attend the Monster Hunter conventions. He might even earn a trophy," Professor Crumbs adds.

"Oh, a trophy!" Mrs. Russo exclaims. "He can go!"

I chuckle. "Sounds kind of dorky. Monster Hunter conventions."

"It's not dorky! It's an honor to be invited and I plan to attend."

"Suit yourself," I mutter.

"Then it is settled. Justin can pack his belongings and I will come back tonight to give him some pointers and zap him to Los Angeles," Professor Crumbs states, pulling out his wand.

"Alright. If you're sure, Justin," Mr. Russo says uncertainly.

"I'm positive, Dad. At least I'll get to live on my own for a bit, experience something new," Justin says with a confident smile, his shoulders perking up.

"Oh and Alex," Professor Crumbs adds. "There is an interesting letter you've yet to open," he says and with a wave of his wand, he simply vanishes.

I will never get used to this magic thing.

"What letter?" I ask and Mr. Russo points to the table where a little white envelope awaits me.

I stand and pick it up, quickly ripping it open. I'm confused with the first line:_ Congratulations, Ms. Russo! You have been accepted into Hollywood Arts High School. _I read further and it says something about an audition that was amazing. Did Alex apply for this?

I try to make sense of it when I realize that the address is located in Los Angeles.

"What is it, Alex?" Mrs. Russo asks, probably reading the tension in my rigid and frozen state as understanding continually dawns on me.

Malibu is close to Los Angles. As I scrutinize the possibilities, a white feathery wisp of a thing slips from the envelope. I bend to pick it up and stare in awe. It's in the shape of angel wings and I smile. I smile so hard as happiness threatens to make me float away. Talk about a sign from the heavens.

This is it. This is my chance. Miley must be there. I read the letter once more, but my vision becomes blurry with excitement and I look up at Justin whose gaze is fixed on me, filled with curiosity.

"What is it?" he asks.

Grinning, I can't help the excitement that fills me. "I'm going to Los Angeles with you!"

* * *

><p><em>The Scene Miley did was inspired by the song: "It only hurts when I'm breathing" by Shania Twain. <em>

_*****A/N:**__**Important Announcement**__: My awesome friend__** Faded Innocence**__ has published a captivating Mikiley story. It's titled __**"Succubus Kiss"**__ It's in my Favorites, so definitely go check it out xD It's epic and special__**.*****_


	9. Two Shovels For Two Boxes

**Never Letting Go**

* * *

><p><strong>Ameha Kay<strong>: I'm glad to hear that her letter scene took your breath away, but I'm sorry it felt like a forgotten dream.

**Faded Innocence**: Lmao, perve ^.^ You're welcome and I got back to you o.o…as you clearly know, lol.

**Magi97**: Thank you so much. Lol, glad to see your enthusiasm at the prospect of them meeting L:

**ScaryMiley**: Lmao, yes, we are getting closer :] Awh, you don't know Victorious :I I'm sorry about that x:

**DemenaLuvr**: Honestly, reading these little speeches you write for me every so often make up moments of pure happiness. I always appreciate compliments on my writing and I take it seriously, so thank you for actually taking the time to write that for me. Also, lmfao. Your girlfriend going apeshit on you because of my story seems pretty hilarious ^.^ Once again, thank you so much for all that you've said. I value such reviews and reviewers [=

**Greatpretender27:** Lmao, I'm excited too, to be honest xD And do you, now? lmao. The trophy thing: definitely all Theresa xD lol!

**Pyro: **Yes, points for loyalty, lol. Thank you so much and nice review ^.^

**FireHeartBurns: **Lmao, I guess some girl did o.o It really is a New York problem! Lol, we waste so much money -_- Rex is…interesting, lmao. Thanks so much [=

**Milex: **Lol, she does, doesn't she? Here you are L:

**Luz4mj1995**: Umm...I won't even comment on that name o.o...You really must have been sleepy, lmfao. Maybe I did ^.^ And yes, Alex/Mikayla needs to join them already! Lmao, nugget.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 9: <strong>Two Shovels For Two Boxes

* * *

><p><strong>Mikayla's POV<strong>

"No, absolutely not! You are not going with me!" Justin yells as though this is the most important argument he'll ever have in his life.

"Why not?"

"Because! Gah-you-no! Just no! Dad, no!" he says, facing Mr. Russo.

"Alex, why do you think you're going to Los Angeles with your brother?"

I offer him the letter which Mrs. Russo reads along with before Justin snatches the paper away, his eyes scanning the words intensely.

"Hah, this school is for talented people! You have none," he says.

"Then how did I pass the audition?" I shoot back, getting angry.

"You-you, wait! How did you even audition, did you use magic?" he questions in an accusatory tone.

"What, no. Why would you think I used magic?"

All three Russo's cross their arms and give me judgmental looks.

Damn you, Alex. Just damn you.

"Alex, how did you audition?" Mr. Russo asks firmly. Time to lie.

"Well, they opened auditions to be submitted online. So yeah, I sent in a video."

"A video of what?" Justin probes, placing his hands on his hips. He looks like a little old lady.

For God's sake, man. Chill out.

"Of nothing. Leave me alone!"

"You used magic!" he accuses again.

"I did not."

"Prove it!"

"Fine! Get me a piano and I will."

Spinning on his heel, he looks towards an open space in the room and pulls out his wand. "She has no talent, she has no will; make a piano appear to display such skill!" he yells with a wave of his hand and just like that, a huge piano appears in the living room.

Justin turns back to me. "Well then, show us how awesome you are that you were accepted into that school fairly."

I look at Alex's parents and they seem uncertain, but nod for me to go ahead.

"Alex, your wand though. We don't want any funny business," Mr. Russo adds.

I sigh and relinquish the magical tool before trudging over to the piano. "I only know one piece, okay? This is what I sent in," I mutter while sitting and positioning my fingers at the keys. Immediately a soft smile tears through my sullen mood despite the situation. Miley taught me to play this one. My favorite. It's like a lullaby, always calming and soothing to me.

My fingers run through the keys, at first stumbling to find my rhythm, but soon the classical sound fills the room and I feel so at ease, I think I might play this over and over until my fingers become numb. From the moment I start to the moment I finish, it's as though I've been taken away to a memory of her. It's all a blur and before I know it, I stop and simply sit here, lost to my own world.

"Where did you learn to play that?" Justin asks in a whisper.

"Someone special taught me," I murmur.

"It sounded like –"

"Moonlight Sonata by Beethoven," I finish for him.

"I love that."

"So do I."

"Wow, you. That was good. You…should teach me," he says with a small smile.

I chuckle and look up at Justin. "If you let me come to L.A., then no problem."

He looks like he's contemplating it and with a sigh he sits on the couch. "I'll talk to Professor Crumbs. If you really play that well, then I guess you should go to that school."

"Alex, honey! Come here," Mrs. Russo says, opening her arms.

Oh no. I stand and walk over, letting her hug me. Mr. Russo closes us in his arms tightly and then Justin, not to be left out, throws himself into the hug.

"Ugh, crushing the talent," I groan.

"I never knew you were so good, Mija!" Mrs. Russo gushes.

"I am so proud of my little girl," Alex's dad says.

"Hey, I'm the one who might get a trophy for Monster Hunting," Justin adds.

"Justin, no one likes a showoff. Learn to celebrate your sister once in a while," Mrs. Russo scolds, making me smile. I guess it is nice being the little girl in the house.

"Yeah, Justin. Don't be so self-absorbed," I taunt.

"What – oh gosh. I'm going to pack my things," he grumbles, leaving me here, sandwiched between the two adults.

"So, I'm going right?" I ask to make sure.

"Well, if the old wizard man says yes, I don't see why not. I mean, Justin will be there to look after you, so it's fine with me," Mrs. Russo says looking to her husband.

He grins widely. "Maybe Max can go with them too! It'd be like another honeymoon," he suggested with excitement, taking her hands.

"Oh no, old people love! I'll be hiding in my room," I say, rushing upstairs and into Alex's room to pack some clothes despite their protests.

As I'm stuffing a bunch of things into a duffel bag I find in Alex's closet, I notice my reflection in the mirror. I drop the shirts in my hand and brush my bangs back to study this new me.

Is this fair? In one way it helps and Miley will recognize me, but then I can't admit that this is me. I have to lie to her. How is this okay? I'm going to be in her life, but I'm just going to be deceiving her. What kind of love is that? That can't be right. I tug at my hair and close my eyes.

I can't think like this. I just can't afford to. Yes, it's deceptive, but I have no choice. She has to recognize my love. Even through the lies.

* * *

><p><strong>Miley's POV<strong>

I'm currently in the girls bathroom, staring in the mirror. My body feels heavy. It's as though I have to drag myself around. Lugging my bag along with my body. I'm weak and my eyes droop halfway. Classes are over for today but I can't bring myself to leave yet.

Actually, I just don't want to drive home. I think I'll crash with this frame of mind I've suddenly fallen into.

The door slams open and in walks an angry Jade.

"I don't want to talk about it!" she yells, slamming the door shut. She tosses her coffee cup into the garbage can, drops her bag on the floor and kicks the can before realizing I'm in here too.

"What?" she asks angrily, really pronouncing the word.

"What?" I ask back in a duller tone.

"Ugh, people are idiots!" she vents.

"Yeah, they can be," I agree. I'd be one of them.

"I'm partnered up with an imbecile to write another script and he can barely speak properly! How did he get into this school? No, how did he graduate elementary school! Don't you have to pass an English test or something?!"

Wow, she's really angry about this.

"Ask for another partner?" I suggest.

"I can't! Everyone's taken!"

"Write it yourself?"

"It's long and I have to have two opposing characters! I need legit dialogue and he can't speak anything but ape-shit!"

"Get a friend to help?"

She closes her eyes, calming down a bit. "That actually a good idea."

"Yeah."

She picks up her bag, slinging it over her shoulder. "Uh, well. Thanks."

"Yeah," I murmur again, turning the water faucet on. Not to wash my hands, but just to see the water running. I turn it off and smile, turning it back on. Slowly, I repeat this motion, lost in some weird little world watching the water turn on and off. It's kind of fun.

"What are you doing?" Jade asks with a hint of curiosity mixed in with annoyance.

I shrug. "What makes me smile."

"That letter scene you did in Sikowitz's class, it was nice."

"Thanks."

"Who did that to you?"

"Did what to me?" I ask, turning the water off and meeting her piercing gaze. Tori was right. Her eyes could burn into you. So much focus and intimidation, but they soften for a moment.

"I know what's it's like to be hurt. Hurt by love, believe it or not." She smiles wryly. "Your eyes, something's missing. Who did that to you? Who took part of you away and left you like this? Playing with water faucets to find a smile that doesn't even reach your eyes?"

What she's asking, I didn't expect her of all people to ask. She seems so icy and withdrawn and just plain hateful, but I guess it's a façade. I shouldn't be surprised. That's the side of Mikayla I had seen first. You just have to break through the barriers to find the real person. I guess Jade's lowering her walls for a moment to fulfill her curiosity. It's only fair to answer.

"I did it, I did this to me."

Her eyes, so focused, suddenly break from mine. Like she's trying to understand it. "Why?"

"What other reason is there? I was too scared to be happy. Now my chances are all gone. Gone and buried," I whisper, looking back at my near lifeless reflection.

"It's sad, you know," she says, leaning against the bathroom wall. "To see someone taking all their blame. It would be so much easier to put the fault somewhere else."

"Easier, sure. But you can't blame what you yourself have killed." Jade probably think I'm being figurative, but isn't it funny how literal I'm being? So fucking funny. Feeling this rage, I grip the edges of the sink to calm down. My hair falls in front of me and in this shadow of darkness, I hope to regain my composure.

"What about you, Jade? Who made you the way you are? So angry and so spiteful? So guarded, yourself?" My voice has dropped to a whisper because my tone would be cold otherwise.

"My past. My present. Everything. Every little thing," was her answer.

I chuckle. "What a pair, huh?"

"You're not okay," she says.

"Of course I'm not okay. But it's okay. I'll be okay. That's what they say. That's what everything tells me. That's what I tell myself. It's what my family tells me. Why don't you tell me that too? Tell me it'll be okay."

"And what if it won't be okay? What if that's just a pretty little lie to make you feel better? What if I don't care to make you feel better? What if I'd rather let you know it's not okay and it won't be okay? What if I tell you nothing you say and nothing anyone else says will ever make it okay?"

"Then someone is lying."

"Isn't someone always lying?"

"Maybe I'm lying to myself."

"We all lie to ourselves." She sounds so angry too. We're just two angry girls. Both in some form of pain. Venting in a strange way to one another. "But what's worse is when people lie after promising not to lie. Fuck them and their promises."

"Who broke their promise, Jade?"

"He did. He didn't come back to me," she admits, looking away because her eyes are so filled with hurt. "Who hurt you, Miley?" she asks again.

"I told you –"

"No!" she cuts off. "Whose memory is hurting you? Who did you let hurt you? That's what I mean when I ask, so answer now. Who's hurting you?"

My breath catches. "She is. She's yet to find her way back to me." This is the most honest statement I've made because the truth is, even though Mikayla is dead, even though I watched her grave lower those six feet, I still feel like she's alive. I still feel like she's mine. I still fucking feel like she has to come back to me.

Once the words leave my lips, Jades eyes meet mine, searching for validation. She seems to process what I said. She doesn't say anything. She doesn't seem to think any less of me, though who's to say she thought much of me in the first place? She's just silent, staring at me, then leaning back into the wall as her head drops down.

It's moments later when she finally lifts her head up again. "Wanna help with my script?" she asks.

"Why?"

"I trust you not to fuck it up." And oddly enough, coming from Jade, that sounds like a compliment.

* * *

><p><strong>Mikayla's POV<strong>

"This is so cool!" Justin gushes, running around. Professor Crumbs had just zapped us into this apartment after giving Justin all the rules. He even wished me good luck on my journey.

Smiling, I look around my new home. "Usually I'd disagree with you, but you're right. This is cool!" I say, sharing in his enthusiasm.

There are two bedrooms, a comfortable living room with a nice big television, two large black couches, one lazy-boy, a coffee table, other small tables sitting snugly in corners of the room, a fake fireplace, some paintings as well as plants that were added for style and a desk in one corner with a laptop. The walls in all the rooms are bright white.

I walk into the kitchen to find a fully-stocked fridge, a small stove, and other appliances. The kitchen's small, but it doesn't really matter since I don't plan on cooking. There's no dining room but there is a spacious bathroom. Sucks that I have to share it with Justin though.

"Did you bring your laptop?" Justin asks from some other room.

"Uh, yeah! Why?"

"I'm gonna take this one in my room then, 'kay?"

"Kay!" I yell back and finally go into my room. There's a huge as fuck bed in the middle. I drop my two bags on it and look around. It's pretty simple: dresser, closet, huge wall mirror, a towel rack hooked on the closet door, an office chair randomly near one of the two large windows, and a small nightstand sits by the bed.

I walk over to the dresser, noticing a sheet of paper I smile because a second angel feather sits on it. Picking it up to just feel it in-between my fingers, I can't help but appreciate these moments. They're little signs that someone or something out there is actually watching over me, guiding me and helping to bring me closer to my love. To know that I have this, it gives me a sense of calm. One that says even though I'm alone here, I'm not really alone.

I pick up the paper too after a while, reading it over. It's a schedule of my classes at Hollywood Arts. All the classes seem pretty interesting but my mind is stuck on overdrive at the thought that Miley might be in this school.

I wouldn't be surprised. She's always been so talented. She can sing like no other. Her dances were always quirky and hilarious, especially when she made them up with country-style moves. She plays piano like a fucking genius and she's at ease with any style of guitar and fuck, I can't help but laugh remembering the few times I had convinced her to play the harmonica for me.

I wish she were with me right now. If we were together, laying in my bed…

I walk over to the big bed in the middle of the room and lay down softly.

If she wasn't afraid to love me, if the lights were off…

I pull Alex's wand out from my boot and wave it with a silent spell, immediately shutting off the lights.

If I were holding her in my arms, if I could bring her body close to mine…

I drop the wand and pull one of the big fluffy pillows into me, crushing it against me, pressing my face into its softness as though it were her neck I was burying my nose into.

If only she pressed her lips against my ear in comfort, if only she began to sing…

I let the tears roll down silently. I remember the way she'd sing for me. No one else could hear her soft, sweet, honest words.

Words penned of our love, words that still belong to me.

* * *

><p><strong>Miley's POV<strong>

"Want some coffee first?" Jade asks as we drive down a busy main street and Starbucks comes into view.

"Nope."

Jade offered to drive since I admitted that I wasn't feeling up to it. Then she admitted that she hates her house so we agreed on going to mine. I don't mind helping her with her script to be honest. I glance at her and hold back a smile. She has a piercing on her left brow and I know that's like a lesbian alarm to my dad, along with her style.

"Do you have coffee at your place?"

"I really have no clue."

"Ugh, coffee-less houses piss me off," she grumbles.

"Doesn't take much to piss you off, does it?"

She glances at me from the corner of her eye. "Watch it," she warns.

Even though she's so standoffish, kind of bitchy, and easily irritated, I somehow feel comfortable anyways. Tori is all nice and quiet one moment, then quirky and chipper the next. She makes for a great friend. They both do, in very different ways. Yet, they don't seem to get along, at least from what I can see. No surprise there, I guess.

"I'll wait here," I mumble when she pulls into the parking lot.

"No, you won't. You come with me," she says, pressing the little red button on my seat-belt, making it pop open. My eyes roll as I step out of the car.

"What do you want?" she asks as we join the line.

"Nothing."

She nods passively. "You'll have a latte then."

"Guess I'll have a latte then," I mutter.

"Jade!" a high-pitched voice screams out. Immediately, she whips around and I turn as well to see a short little redhead running towards us.

"Cat, where were you today?" Jade asks as the girl throws her arms around her. Jade just stands there awkwardly until the redhead lets go.

She plays with her fingers and looks between Jade and I while talking in an airy voice that's so odd, kind of adorable, in a sense, but very odd. "My brother was dropping me to school this morning, but then his stomach started hurting so he asked me to drive but I forgot my permit so I told him no, and then we stopped in the middle of the road and he threw up all this purple stuff and the ambulance came and we had to go to the hospital and that's why I missed school today! I told him not to eat all the purple play dough!"

What in the world, purple play dough? How old is her brother?

"Uh, yeah. Well, anyways," Jade says as though this is normal for her. "Meet Miley Stewart, she's new to Hollywood Arts."

"Hi, Miley! That's such a pretty name, Miley! My name is Cat, like the kitten, but the grown up one!" She speaks so enthusiastically as she shakes my hand without waiting. I smile awkwardly and nod.

"It's nice to meet you, Cat – like the kitten…" I trail off. "Oh, it's our turn to order," I realize.

Jade goes ahead to order, but Cat still has my hand.

"So, how did you get into Hollywood Arts?" she asks. "Do you like it? It's awesome, isn't it? Oh, did you decorate your locker yet? I'd love to see it! Are you in Sikowitz's class first period cause then we'd have class together! Why are you and Jade so friendly? Did she bribe you to help her do something illegal or evil? She does that sometimes. Oh, one time, she tried to sabotage Tori by faking a stage fighting scene. Shh, I'm not supposed to know this, but our friend Andre told me. She made it look like Tori hit her and then Tori got detention for weeks, a lower grade, and she had to scrape food from the walls after a food-fight. But Jade's not always that mean, she even helped Tori clean up. Isn't that nice? Have you met Tori?"

Okay, this girl can really talk and if I don't jump in at some point, I feel like she won't stop. "Yes! I met Tori, that's a really interesting uh, story about Jade and I'm just helping her write a script for class," I answer, forgetting everything else she asked.

"Cat, here. I bought you cupcake," Jade cuts in, shoving a paper bag into her hands.

"Aw! That's so sweet, Jade! See, Miley? Jade can be nice!"

"Cat, open the bag," Jade advises.

Cat smiles brightly, opening it and taking out a brightly frosted pink cupcake.

"Now shove it in your mouth," she orders and surprisingly, Cat does just that. She even tries to keep talking, but Jade shakes her head and guides the cupcake back to her mouth.

"Cat likes the cupcake. Just keep eating the pretty pink cupcake," Jade coos, making the redhead nod and eat. It's almost comical.

"Your large coffee and latte!" the cashier calls out, making Jade grab the drinks before she hands one to me.

"See you in class, Cat!" Jade says to the cupcake-smeared girl who enthusiastically waves goodbye as Jade drags me away.

"What was that about?" I ask once we're back in the car.

She shrugs. "That's Cat."

"She's uh, interesting."

Jade simply laughs. "That's one word for it."

"So, she told me you were nice to Tori after setting her up, or something like that."

"I can be nice," she murmurs.

"Yeah, real nice."

"I haven't done anything to you, have I?"

"Remember our introduction earlier?"

She grins. "That's how I interact with everyone."

"That makes it perfectly okay," I say sarcastically, opening the little flap to my latte. I take a small sip of the warm drink. "This is good."

"I'm so glad you like it." Her voice is also laced with sarcasm and I chuckle, finding humor in it.

"Turn in at the next block," I advise her and a few minutes later she's parking in front of my house.

"Anyone home?" she asks. There's a new Porsche in the driveway so I figure that's my dad's new car, but Jackson's truck isn't here.

"My dad."

"Fun," she says, taking a sip of her coffee as we walk up the front path and ascend the few steps leading to the door. I sling my bag over my shoulder so I can open the door for us.

"Miley, hey. Can you show me how to use this program?" my dad asks, lifting his head up from his laptop. He's seated on the couch and his eyes zero in on Jade instantly. "Oh, I didn't realize you were bringing a friend over," he says curtly and I know he's already unhappy.

"Yeah, we're doing homework together."

My dad's shoulders slump and I try my best not to smile because every time Mikayla used to come over, I'd tell him it was for homework.

"I see. How long will you two be, uh, doing homework?" he asks cautiously.

"All night if we have to. The task at hand is strenuous." Jade speaks up, with the same unattached voice as always.

His eyes widen and I can see him gulp. "Strenuous – all night, what sort of task?"

"Creating a script, Dad!"

He sighs in relief and I shoot Jade a glare, but she has a sick grin that twitches to her lips, knowing she's stressed my dad out.

"Oh, well. All right, um. I'm making pork chops for dinner."

"I prefer tacos," Jade says while looking around.

"Uh…I'll be buying tacos, for dinner," he corrects.

"Thanks, Dad. We'll be in my room."

"Yes, completing our strenuous task that may take all night," Jade adds while walking upstairs, ahead of me and before my dad can attempt to say something, I follow.

"What was that about?" I demand.

"Oh, come on," she laughs. "It was worth it. Did you see his face?"

"He's gonna think you're my –"

"Girlfriend?" she asks, turning to look at me.

My brows lift. "I was thinking more along the lines of, pitiful rebound, one time fuck, kind of thing."

She grins at that. "Way cooler than girlfriend."

"You are strange."

"I'm so offended," she says drearily.

"You are an angel, just a bright light that shines through in this world of darkness."

She stops at the top of the stairs and spins around. "Fuck you, don't ever call me that shit again."

I laugh. "Bingo."

"Keep in mind that you're still on the stairs."

"I'm so scared."

"You're not," she mutters. "Which one's your room anyways?"

"Second door."

We go inside and Jade plops down on my bed, digging through her bag. Dropping my own bag on the floor, I kick off my sneakers and sit on the bed as well, tucking one leg beneath me.

"So, what's the script about?" I ask.

It ends up being about a girl whose body stops reproducing blood cells so she's destined to die and the scene is of her last conversation with her boyfriend. He thinks she's just dumping him so he gives her an angry goodbye before she moves to another country and dies there, without him knowing. I end up being the guy, all thanks to Jade thinking it makes sense that way, but with us just spitting out whatever lines come to us, the script turns out better than I thought it would.

My dad brought us the tacos in the midst of our script-writing and eyed us both suspiciously before leaving.

Jade scribbles some notes while I sit idly, playing with the silver pendant, my mind wandering.

"Her name, was it Mikayla?" Jade asks suddenly.

I look up a bit surprised, but follow her gaze to two boxes I never put away. Her name's written on them and I sigh. "Yes."

"Where is she? Why'd you two break up?"

My eyes close. "My dad didn't like her. He didn't want us to be together."

"Why? Did she look like a total dyke or something?"

I instantly glare at Jade.

She shrugs. "What, I'm curious. Was she like –"

"Shut up!" I growl, standing. "Don't ever say anything offensive about her or you can go, okay?" I say while walking over to the box. Jade stays silent while I rummage through it and pulled out a single photo before thrusting it into her hands. "She was never a dyke, not that it fucking matters, because I'd love her regardless." My hands fist at my sides and I move near the window, trying not to lose it right now. It's night already. The moon is shining brightly and my eyes squeeze shut while Jade stares at the picture of her for a long time, not uttering a word.

"She's beautiful."

"Gorgeous," I sigh.

"I'm sorry."

"Me too." I can feel Jade's gaze on me.

"Why are you so hurt by the break-up? I mean, I was with my boyfriend for three years and yes, it hurt a lot. But, I don't know. The way you're reacting, it seems so much worse.

"It's not the break-up. I could live with a break-up. I could, because at least I'd know –" My breath catches and I can't bring myself to say it.

I hate this. One moment I feel fine. The next I'm so angry. Then so broken.

"I'm just one girl, okay? I can't, all this pain, I can't handle it!" I shout. "I'm only one person and I can't take these memories anymore!"

"Miley, relax," Jade says, alarm filling her and I hear her stand up. I turn around, my eyes wide, my body weak and filled with this need to attack something.

"I don't know anymore, I just. One moment, I'm fine. I really am. I feel normal. But the next, I think too much and when I think about her and when I think about it, I can't handle it all! It's too much, Jade."

"I don't understand – "

"No one understands," I cry out. "The memories are killing me!"

"Calm down! Just calm down and stop thinking so much!"

"I can't!" I grip my hair and turn back to look out the window. "I can't, I need her so much…"

"Call her, fuck. Just call her."

I turn around, scowling at Jade. "Get out. Get out of my room, my house, and my fucking life!" I yell and walk past her, pulling my sneakers on before I snatch up the first box of Mikayla's things. I struggle to get my bedroom door open only to see my dad rushing up the stairs.

"Miley, what's –"

"Get out of my way!" I growl, pushing past him.

"Miley! Please, what's going on? What's all the yelling about? What did you do to my daughter?!" my dad snarls at Jade but I turn back at that.

"She did nothing, you dumb fuck! It was you and I hate you! I fucking hate you! You took me away from her and now she's gone, so fuck you! Stop blaming others for your shit!" I absolutely lose it. I thought I was okay. I thought I could be okay, but I wasn't and I don't think I can be. My own voice is so strange and so angry that I scare myself. Yet, even though I'm scared, it fuels me forward.

I run downstairs and out the back door. I drop the box down, then go into the tool shed and find a shovel. Bringing it out, I slam the shovel into the hard dirt and begin digging a hole in our backyard.

"What are you doing?" It's Jade. Her voice is soft and scared.

I don't pause, I can't stop.

"I have to bury her memories, I have to bury them with her. I can't live like this anymore. It's too painful and I want to forget so I have to hide them," I say, not realizing that tears are streaming down my face while my body shakes uncontrollably.

I feel Jade's presence disappear and I laugh to myself. I know I look crazy. I fucking know I'm insane. I'm out here at night, raving madly, digging a fucking grave for my pain.

But I have to do it. I have no choice. I need to get rid of her because she left me and I know I hurt her, but this isn't fair! I can't live with it. One moment I'm dead, the next I'm depressed, the next I'm so angry, then I completely lose myself.

I'm just one person and my body can't handle this pain. My mind can't hold onto all these thoughts. There's so much self-hatred, so much regret, so much guilt and it needs to go.

"I killed you. I buried you. I watched you die in my arms! I watched as they lowered you into that grave! Now I have to bury your memories too! I'm so sorry, Mikayla. I love you, I love you so much and it's killing me!" I cry.

My arms are weak and tired, but I can't stop when suddenly the sound of more cold metal striking dirt mixes in with mine. I look up to see Jade, with a shovel of her own. Where'd she get that? We only have one. Her jaw is set as she digs violently with me. I pause to look at her and she meets my stare, stopping for a moment, her own eyes, wet.

"Let's bury the memory of her. I'll help you," she whispers and I realize that she understands what happened. Maybe she heard all the things I yelled out or maybe she just put it together.

We stay silent, working as though we're frenzied by some need to escape this pain. I don't know how long we're out here for, but it's long. It feels like hours yet the hours feel like nothing. My body aches. I know it does, but I can't feel it. Not yet.

Once it's deep enough, I shove the first box in and Jade continues to dig while I run back to my room. I find my dad sitting on my bed, staring at the box. He remains quiet while I pick it up and rush back downstairs. Once Jade sees me coming, she takes a step back and watches as I stuff the second box into the grave we created. Together, we refill the hole, covering the memories in dirt.

Once buried, I fall to my knees, tired and in so much pain, both physical and emotional. I push my hands through the dirt and close my eyes.

"I'm sorry, Mikayla. I'm so sorry. I have to forget. I have to forget," I whisper over and over again until I'm too weak and just lay down on top of this grave of memories. Jade kneels next to me, but doesn't speak or even move again. It's an eerie, sad, heartbreaking silence. We may as well bury me too because I have lost everything. I have lost my love. My will. My memories. And now, I've lost myself.

Or did I just bury them all? Either way, the important parts of me are gone.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN**__: ~sigh~ Wow, let me know if you'd rather shorter chapters. These are kind of long. I can shorten them if that helps._


	10. Lying For Love

**Never Letting Go**

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><p><strong>Ameha Kay<strong>: Jade is quite the enigma ^.^ Whoa, no bowing necessary cause if you bow then I will bow and then you'll bow again and it'll just never end! No bowing xD

**DemenaLuvr**: Lmfao. 1) I think your girlfriend going apeshit on you is fandibulous ^.^ Why are tempers so hot? :c 2) I DID NOT STEAL YOUR WORD! Talk to Jade West! That was all her D; 3) It's not a mission really, it's more like an added bonus collecting your tears c: In all seriousness though, I'm sorry I made you cry and I hope your girlfriend is taking care of that c; Nothing puts a smile on someone's face like…wait…she reads this…I'll be decent :3

**LovaticLuv4life**: Haha…oh damn. Honestly, seeing your review in response to your girlfriend's review made my day c: First off, thank you for reading my stories and an even bigger thanks for going apeshit on your gf xD Hope the wait wasn't too long ^.^

**Mileycyrusfan**: Awh, thanks for calling me talented xD I love that. You have declared my talent! I can't believe I have one…this is shocking O.o I have a talent…holy shit! Thank you for that c:

**Faded Innocence**: Lol, that intense? Took your words away? Not gonna mindfuck me like last time? LMFAO. Fucking philosopher ass shiettt! I won't forget xD Lmfaooo! Hope everything's good though :)

**Greatpretender27**: Lmfao, Mikayla would be an awesome dyke! She'd be irresistible! Girls would throw panties at her! WET PANTIES! Oh wait…that's a little…weird :3 But she'd like it xD Cause she's Mikayla and she's weird…and hot. Even as a dyke. Lmfao xD Loved the review!

**Luz4mj1995**: I have rendered you speechless! Apart from the mutterings c: Then the accusation. I think I have accused you of being a penis O_O LMFAO! But I am certain that you are far too awesome to ever be a penis c: I declare you to be a vagina! xD I say that with great honor ^.^ Lmaooo!

**Mythical Mania**: Awh! I saw your other reviews so thank you oh so much c: Lovely review :D

**DoIHaveTo**: D; Here, please. Take my handkerchief (Is it odd for a teenage girl to walk around with a handkerchief and offer it at random moments?) Please, wipe your exploded brain before it sticks to the walls :c It does that o.O Wait…I shouldn't know that…awkward…anyways, lmfao xD Mikayla as a dyke the way you described her would be so fucking funny, lolol! I like her the way she is too, but I'd definitely get a kick out of that ^.^ Loved your review so much :)

**FallenSoldier**: Sucia! :p You're back xD I missed you! Glad I could keep you busy at work :D I'm happy to hear that, in a way, you can connect to what Miley is feeling L: How is the army life? How is life? Hope all is in your favor though and thanks so much :)

**Gunner3284**: Score for Interesting ^.^ Wow, I really appreciate you saying that. You have no idea how wonderful it is to be told that my words in this story could strike deep. Thank you for that.

**Fireheartburns**: Wow…I can't believe I made you two cry and have serious chats o.O In a way, that can be a good thing though, right? :3 You flatter me too much and I really do love it so thank you for that. Love ya too and sorry to your girlfriend for all the tears and talks L:

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **I'm not sure if this story is so depressing because of me or if I'm depressed because of this story o.o

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><p><strong>Chapter 10<strong>: Lying For Love

* * *

><p><strong>Miley's POV<strong>

Every breath I take is slow, steady, and surreal. My eyes sting, my chest feels light, and I think for a moment that I might actually be dead. Conscious, but dead.

I blink a few times but nothing really happens. I can hear movement from Jade, but I can't bring myself to turn and face her. What can I say? I have no words left inside. I can't describe what this fog is that's settled over my entire mind.

"Good God, what happened?" a softer voice questions. Tori. It sounds like Tori.

"A funeral. You're better at this part than me…help her."

There's a thick silence, but soon a gentle hand takes hold of my shoulder, turning me over. "Miley, it's me, Tori. What happened?"

When I don't answer, Tori looks to Jade. "What did you do to her?" she asks in accusation.

"I didn't do anything!"

"Why don't I believe that?"

"Vega, if I did something to her, do you think I would have called you?"

"Uh, let me think about that. Yes, because you always make me fix your messes."

"Not always. I called you because I know she's your friend and I think she needs a hug or something."

"Oh really, you figured that out all on your own?" Tori retorts.

Jade lets out a sigh. "Listen, can we just…not argue right now?"

Tori looks back at me and guilt flashes through her features. "Sorry, Miley. We're being a bunch of jerks right now. Can you come with me?" she requests.

I stare at her. Almost as though I can see through her. My vision can't focus.

"Jade, help me," Tori says and together, holding onto either side of me, they pick me off the dirt-grave I was laying on.

"Miley, tell me what happened," Tori says firmly, holding my face.

I swallow. "She's gone. I buried her."

"Who?" Tori asks, confusion filling her eyes.

"Her."

Tori's gaze shifts to Jade for an answer.

"We uh, we buried two boxes of stuff – memories of her ex, Mikayla."

Tori stops walking altogether. "Whoa, your ex is a girl?"

"A gorgeous girl, Vega. Now shut your mouth and help me," Jade orders, not willing to deal with Tori's curiosity as they basically carry me upstairs and into my bathroom.

"Think you can take a shower, Miley? There's dirt all over you," Tori tells me in a soothing voice.

"Yeah, I can," I murmur.

Jade finds my towel and some clothes and sets it atop the closed hamper in the corner of the bathroom before they both give me privacy to shower.

I strip down and get into the hot shower Tori set for me, letting the dirt run down with the water. I scrub my skin and try to breathe through the water that hits me so fast and hard and it becomes overwhelming. I can hardly react.

"You're gone," I whisper as I wash my hair methodically. "I never wanted to let go, but my grip was too weak. I guess I wasn't strong enough for you. I let you go and now I'll pretend you never existed. I buried you and I won't see you now. I won't feel it so much anymore. "

I step out of the shower and wipe my body dry before pulling on my clothes. I catch a glimpse of the silver serpent pendant in the foggy bathroom mirror. I close my eyes and take it off. I stare for a moment, wanting nothing more than to put this memory back on, but I can't do that.

_Just let go_.

I stuff it in the pocket of the sweats I'm wearing. I don't know what I'll do with it, but I can't wear it, see it, look at it, or think about it anymore. _Just let go, _this voice whispers to me.

I open the door to see Jade and Tori standing out there, leaning against the wall. They both straighten quickly, but I put my hand up.

"I'm fine. I'm sorry for the trouble. You can both go home."

Tori's brows furrow and Jade just looks at me, her lips set into a line.

"It's three twenty-nine a.m. We're staying with you," Jade says seriously.

"Yeah, we're not leaving you," Tori adds, shoving her hands into her pockets.

I look between the both of them and let out a sigh. "Fine."

"I'm borrowing your clothes," Jade states before disappearing into my bathroom.

Tori's eyes are on me, filled with hesitance and uncertainty. "Jade told me what happened."

"It's fine now, don't worry."

"Miley, I didn't even know it was..." She pauses.

"A girl? Well yeah, I love – " I don't want to correct myself, but I have to let go – "I mean, I loved a girl."

"What was she like?" Tori asks in a whisper.

"She was…different. She constructed her heart to love me unconditionally. No matter how stupid I was, she loved me still. She made me special. She made her arms a place I could always run to for safety or comfort, and when my arms were around her, she died. Mikayla died to be in my arms."

Fuck, just when I think I won't feel this pain, it crushes me, bruising my throat and Tori quickly pulls me into her arms to keep me from falling.

"It's okay, Miley. It'll be okay."

"You're lying! It's never gonna be okay, never."

"Shh, it will be. I know it feels nice to think you know that it won't be okay. It's easier to control things, to make them bad by saying you already know it won't be okay, but if you try, you can make it better. It's hard, but if you want it to be better, you can make it better. Don't give up so soon. Just ask and I'll be your support. Don't give up this easily. We're here, but you have to let us help."

I close my eyes, sobbing into her shoulder. "I just wanna die. I don't want to live or be here. I don't fucking care if it gets better or of I bleed a slow painful death, I just wanna be gone."

Tori starts quivering, her hand stroking my hair. "Don't talk like that. I don't want you to die. Please, just don't," she begs.

"I won't, but I wish I was."

"Don't even wish for it."

"I can't help what I want!"

"You have to help it, please," she whispers. "I'll help you."

"That's too much to ask. I can't be helped."

She's quiet, her arms holding me tight, as if willing me to stay here and not giving me a chance to die. She leads me to my room and even holds me in my bed.

Before I fall asleep, she whispers in my ear, "Sleep now, but please remember to wake up."

I want so badly to forget.

* * *

><p><strong>Mikayla's POV<strong>

"Alex, wake up!"

"Shut up!" I growl, turning over and burying my face into the pillow.

"Alex, you gotta go to school!"

"That's not my name!" There's silence and my eyes pop open. Shit.

"What?"

"I said uh, school is lame."

Justin laughs. "You're the one who applied for it and now when you get to go, you call it lame?"

"What time is it?"

"Six-thirty."

"What the hell, class starts at eight, I can sleep for two more hours! Leave me alone."

"Um, Alex. I really hope you're taking Math this semester. Plus, you should go in early for your first day. Come on, get up. Do you even know how to get there?"

"Ugh, you're so annoying. I'll look it up later," I mumble into my pillow.

"Lucky for you, I took the liberty of looking it up myself. It's a ten minute walk, but since it's your first day, I'll go with you."

"Uh, go with me?" I sit up. "No thank you, I'm perfectly capable of following directions."

"Alex, Mom and Dad –"

"Don't have to know. I'll be fine, okay? I have a phone so I'll send you a text if something goes wrong."

He places his hands on his hips and looks at the wall, mulling it over. God, he's such a parent. "Fine, but text me when you get there, when you leave, and when you get home. I'll be out at my first Monster Hunter convention all day."

"Sure thing, now get out of my room," I order, falling back into my bed.

"Are waffles okay for breakfast?" he asks.

"Yes, just go!"

"Fine, I will have waffles and you will have cereal. Cold dry cereal."

"There's milk, it won't be dry."

"Well, fine. Enjoy your not-dry cereal," he grumbles awkwardly as he realizes how silly he sounds.

"Thank you and I will." I listen as he leaves the room and lay here, unable to get back to sleep. How can I? As soon as I realize what today is, my heart begins to beat fast. A slow smile spreads over my face.

Though I know that it's going to probably be one huge fucking mess, I'm going to see Miley today. If things are as I suspect them to be, I will see her again. I'll feel her heart in my own chest. Beating harder than my heart ever could on its own. I realize how lucky I am. Who gets this kind of chance?

There's a permanent smile on my face for the rest of the morning. I find myself laughing in the shower, grinning every time I look in the mirror, and my breath shortens at all of these exciting thoughts.

I dress myself in a pair of gray-skinny jeans with a black and silver belt, a blue and gray striped top, and a very loose, kind of long black vest-like and sleeveless overthrow. It hangs from my shoulders attractively and I admire myself in the mirror as I put on a long silver chain with a key attached to it. The ornament hangs low and I run a hand through Alex's hairstyle choice. I really do miss my long hair, but this isn't so bad. I brush through the red and black shoulder length hair and let out a small sigh.

I grab my book-bag, pull on a pair of boots, tuck the wand into it reflexively, pick up the Hollywood Arts schedule, and head out of the room.

Justin sits at the kitchen table, just about to dig into a plate of syrupy waffles when I walk in.

"I think I'm gonna be late. Where are those directions?"

He frowns, standing up. "I printed them. Be right back," he says, running out of the room.

"Sucker," I snicker and take his seat, relaxing as I dig into the soft fluffy waffles. I finish them pretty fast and wash the breakfast down with a cup of hot coffee – not my fault he left his food right here – and then I grab my bag again, heading for the front door.

"Alex, wait! I got it," he calls, offering me the paper.

"Thanks, Justin. I'll see you later," I say, glancing at the directions while I open the door.

"All right, but don't forget to text me when you get there," he reminds me, disappearing into the kitchen.

"Yeah, um. What time will you be home?" I yell for him to hear.

"I don't know! I –" There's a pause – "Alex!" he bellows.

"Oh look, time for school!" I pull the door shut and giggle as I walk down the pathway.

The walk as he said takes no more than ten minutes. The building is huge and students are already swarming all around. I find my way inside and after asking a few people, I locate the attendance office. A woman sits at her computer desk and her attention snaps to me immediately.

"Can I help you?"

"Uh yeah. My name is um, Alex. Alex Russo." That felt really weird to say. "I got an acceptance letter and my schedule in the mail and I just wanted to make sure everything was in order."

The woman frowns as though it makes no sense and turns her attention to her computer.

"Oh, your name is here and so is your file…that's odd."

"How is that odd?" I ask, feeling a bit anxious.

"I create nearly every student's file. This was created recently and I don't recognize it."

"Oh well, who knows," I mutter with a shrug.

She eyes me, but prints out a sheet of paper and scribbles on it. "Here's a new copy of your schedule with your locker number and code on it. If you need help or don't know the rules, you're free to meet with your guidance counselor, Lane Alexander. Other than that, welcome to Hollywood Arts and have a nice day."

"Yeah, you too," I reply. I walk down the hallway once more, looking for my new locker. When I find it, I try the combination, relieved to get it open.

"You're new here, aren't you?" an excited voice exclaims, making me turn to see a wide-eyed girl staring at me.

"Yeah, how'd you know?" I question with lifted brows.

She giggles and touches my hair, tugging at it lightly. "I'd remember someone with red highlights 'cause my hair's red too, silly!"

I let a soft smile out and nod, taking in her full head of red hair. "That makes sense."

"Of course it does! My name is Cat Valentine! You're the second new girl here, it's so cool! I love meeting new people! What's your name?"

"Second? Who's the first?" I ask, unable to help myself.

"Hey, you didn't tell me your name," she protests.

"Oh, it's um, Alex Russo." I really need to practice saying my new name.

"Oh! Is Alex short for Alexandra?"

I have no clue. "Maybe. So uh, what's this other new girl's name?" Smooth Mikayla, smooth.

"I really love your hair, it's so pretty," she gushes.

Oh my God. Girl, are you fucking listening to me? "Yeah, your hair is cool too…" I trail off.

"Her name's Miley. I won't forget that 'cause she was with Jade and Jade is usually always alone but that's not the point, the point is, what class do you have first?"

I'm little stunned, still. Miley is actually here. I thoughtlessly offer Cat my schedule and press my head against cold metal locker door.

"Cat! There you are!" some other guy says, coming up behind her.

"Andre! Hi! Look, I made a new friend! Her name's Alex, could be short for Alexandra!"

He gives me a polite smile. "Hi, Alex, I'm Andre and it's nice to meet you," he greets with a certain charm, holding his hand out.

I return the handshake and nod. "Nice to meet you too." My mind is still stuck on the fact that Miley is here.

I glance around, feeling sick to my stomach with nerves. Fuck, what will I say to her? Nothing. Say nothing, you're Alex Russo and you have no clue who Miley Stewart is. Clueless. That's my character. Clueless. And why the hell am I associating with people? Sure, they seem nice, but I don't really do friends. I let go of Andre's hand and pretend to rummage through my book bag.

"Anyways, Cat. I was wondering if you'd sing some lyrics for me. I've been calling Tori, but she hasn't answered or responded to my texts. I worry about that girl," he says with a sigh.

"Sure, I'll help you! That's weird because Jade hasn't answered my texts either," Cat replies with a small pout.

"You don't think…? Nah, Jade wouldn't actually…" Andre laughs nervously. "Tori's not riding to school with her again, is she?"

"I don't know, but I did want to ask you something." Cat looks back at me and I awkwardly smile. "I'll see you in first period, Alex!" She beams, handing me my schedule back before dragging Andre off while he waved his goodbye to me.

They don't go far, seemingly in deep conversation at the other end of the hall and I let out a groan, looking down at the schedule.

I wonder if Miley's in my first class too.

* * *

><p><strong>Miley's POV<strong>

"I'm tired," Tori says with a muffled yawn from the back seat.

"All of us barely slept, we're all tired. Not just you," Jade chides as she turns into the school's parking lot.

"I was just saying, gosh," Tori protests.

They both become silent and I can feel their eyes studying me. I don't say anything though. I just stare blankly outside the window before they lead me into the school building. Everything is so messed up. All because of me. My dad wouldn't say a word to me this morning. He couldn't even look at me. My brother came home from Siena's and he was confused because no one would tell him anything. I guess my dad didn't explain it and once Jackson saw Jade and Tori, he left me alone.

He looked hurt though. I don't know why. Maybe he thinks I went somewhere else for comfort. Maybe he thinks I was fucking around with Jade and Tori. Maybe he feels betrayed that I'm not really telling him what's going on with me.

We were never close, but we weren't really distant either. Everything seems so weird and unreal. I don't know how to deal with it, so I'm just walking through life like I'm in some sort of oblivion. A blank stare in my eyes, uncertain of every move I make, yet not caring anyways.

My stares are blank because I have to make them this way. It's much easier than struggling to explain what I'm feeling.

I keep replaying last night over and over in my head. Why did I do that? I know I want to forget, but then again, I want to remember too. I know I have to let go and feel better, but it just doesn't feel right. I feel uneasy and depressed. Disappointed in myself, even. I was supposed to be enough to bring her back, she should have fought harder.

I shouldn't have left her to fight.

There it is. All the guilt. I bite back on my lower lip. I can't do this anymore. This hysterical shit. I don't want my emotions to be so, so uncertain. So unpredictable. I want a sense of control and I'm grasping outwards for it but I can't seem to find it.

If I want to function, I need to figure out how to deal with everything. But I don't want to think anymore. Thinking hurts, because Mikayla is all I think about, and Mikayla hurts.

"Miley, you okay?" Tori asks.

I look up and force a smile for her. "Yeah, I'm fine."

Jade's saying something about going to her locker and asking if I need anything but my vision locks onto something.

Someone.

"Miley!" Jade snaps.

"Mikayla," I breathe. Silence. She's here.

My bag slips off my shoulder and onto the ground. My eyes are trained on her, but my vision is unfocused and so many things happen in my head. I can't concentrate. I can't make sense of it.

Was she always here? My eyes burn.

"She's here."

* * *

><p><strong>Mikayla's POV<strong>

I finally close the new locker and glance at my phone for the time. I still have about seven more minutes before I need to go to my first class. I guess I can just walk around. The lockers are all decorated so I could check them out. I wonder if I'm supposed to decorate mine too. What would I even use?

A hand grips my shoulder tightly. A familiar sensation rips through my entire body and I know it's her. To say my heart begins beating quickly would be an understatement. I try to breathe and slowly turn, facing her.

"Mikayla," Miley whispers, those blue eyes deeper than I'd ever seen them.

I'm supposed to say no, my name is Alex Russo and I don't know who the fuck you are, so please don't touch me, but her eyes are begging for me. Absolutely pleading for me to answer her, to soothe her, to love her.

And to love her is my life. It always was. From the moment I realized that Miley was my forever, I dedicated myself to her. That was my biggest weakness. Even while we were broken up, I never strayed. I was always there and I could never say no. Now when I want to say yes so badly, I literally cannot.

"Mikayla!" she sobs, hitting my shoulders. Silence crackles in the air. I can feel everyone's eyes on me, but hers are the most piercing.

My arms, hands fisted, are tense at my sides, wanting to wrap around her, yet aware that I just can't.

"Why'd you leave me like that?" She's crying and hitting my chest now. She's so hysterical and my gut twists in fear that she's completely lost herself in my absence.

I want nothing more than to take her fisted hands and make her hit me more. I want to tell her to slap me until my face is red and abuse me until I'm black and blue for making such a dumb mistake. I want to beg for forgiveness.

I stay silent, still in shock, still uncertain of how to react, how to lie.

"I'm so sorry, Mikayla! Please say something," she begs. "I can't live without you, please saying something!"

No Miley, don't beg! Please don't beg! I don't fucking deserve you for all I put you through!

Her body falls into mine, hanging onto me and her hands clutch at my shirt as she sobs harder into my chest. I don't even recognize her. She's never showed me so much emotion before. It feels so painfully good to know she loves me this way, but it took my death for this moment. Tears threaten me and I can literally hear the stitches in the material of my shirt ripping from her grip.

"God, I love you so much!" She shudders, trying to breathe. "I wanted you back so bad, I thought you were gone for good, but my heart told me you'd be back. I was so afraid, Mikayla. I didn't know what I'd do without you." Her voice is so full of pain and these words are just slipping from her lips and I want to hear them all. I need to cradle her in my arms and lock her away in safety to protect her sanity.

I want to say fuck all these rules. Love is love so let us be together! I want to let my arms shelter her, but I have to make a choice. A moment with her now or stay with her forever.

I died for a moment in her arms. Now I'll live for forever.

But first, I may have to kill Miley. Kill every ounce of hope in her eyes and in her heart.

For the first time, I have to be strong enough to push her.

* * *

><p><strong>Miley's POV<strong>

I'm crying so hard, holding onto Mikayla. She's so still against me. I know it's her. I can just feel it. Deep down. The feeling I got when I was with her was filling me again after so long. It feels right and I can't control all this emotion pouring out.

I know she's dead, but she's here. Maybe I'm imagining her. Maybe she's a fucking ghost and I look like a lunatic right now, but she's here. I can see her. I can feel her. Nothing else matters. I'm telling her everything I never could. I just want to hold her and be held by her.

I want to never let her go. I won't ever let her go.

"I can't believe you're back," I whisper, trying to control my tears but it's useless. This is Mikayla! She died and she's back, she came back for me! "How'd you get here, I don't even know what to say! God, please say something, Mikayla." I plead and finally pull away to look at her face. She's so beautiful.

Her eyes are full of so much compassion but then she blinks and it disappears. Her brows furrow and her head tilts slightly. Her hands, lifting for the first time, grip mine, removing my hold from her shirt.

"Who are you?" she asks in a confused voice, teetering on fearful.

I blink a few times. "What?" I try pulling my hands from her grasp and she easily lets go, stepping back. "Mikayla," I whisper. Mikayla would never let me go. She'd hold me. Always. She'd never step away from me.

"Who's Mikayla, and who are you?" she asks again. This can't be real. No.

"You are! Mikayla, what are you saying?"

She takes another step back and glances around uneasily. "Uh, you're causing a scene and I don't understand. My name's Alex. Alex Russo," she says firmly as though trying to burn this information into my brain.

I step back. My focus doubles. I wipe my tears away and shake my head. I want to say something, but to see her and not be recognized, my heart is breaking all over again.

Her hair is shorter, her skin a bit paler, but I still feel her.

This can't be happening. I see Mikayla in her. So what can I do now? I see my life in her and she claims to not be my Mikayla. Haven't I been through enough? What kind of sick fucking joke is this? I turn to see Tori there, confused and cautious.

I laugh. "You probably think I'm crazy," I whisper.

"Miley, no –"

"Shh, I think I am too. I'm seeing things now. I can't do this anymore. I don't want to do this anymore." I push past Tori and find myself sprinting down the hall, not caring about all the stares from everyone.

Let them see this world drive me to madness. Let them see what love can do to one person. Let them witness my undoing, caused by me and the cruelty of my existence.

* * *

><p><strong>Mikayla's POV<strong>

"I'm so sorry!" this girl gushes. "She's just going through some things. I have to go after her, but I'm so sorry she hit you and stuff, please don't tell –"

"Just go! Make sure she doesn't do anything stupid," I snap.

Her mouth shuts instantly and she nods before dashing off after Miley.

I look around at everyone. "What are you all looking at?!" I growl, glaring at the students that dare to look at me. They avoid my gaze and slowly begin to move away before I meet the eyes of one girl. She's pale. Sickly pale, as though she's just seen a ghost.

"This isn't real, you. We buried you."

I try not to show my interest on hearing that. "If you buried me, then why am I here and who the hell are you anyways?"

"I don't know. My name's Jade." She looks so lost for a moment, but then swallows and stands up straighter.

"Who was that girl? The one that attacked me." I hate the way I'm acting right now. This Jade girl, she's probably taking care of Miley, and now I'm being such an ass.

"First of all, she didn't attack you. She thought you were someone else and I don't blame her. You look like someone that just…passed away." Jade knows a lot. A lot more than I expected, but that's good. At least Miley was opening up to people and not holding everything in.

"Oh," I say, uncertain of how to react. "That's interesting. How uh, how is she?" I want to know so badly from someone and maybe Jade will tell me.

"Why do you care? You thought she was attacking you. If you want to do her any favors, just stay out of her sight," Jade warns with an unexpected hint of malice.

Oh hell no, Jade. If you've developed feelings for my Miley, there is going to be a huge fucking problem.

"I'm not a fan of favors," I reply curtly before walking past her.

"If you hurt her any more than she already is just because you resemble her ex, I will personally change your face," Jade threatens, letting it slip that she knows all about us for sure and I accept that she's serious when I turn and meet that protective glare.

"What, she your girlfriend or something?" I ask, not even wanting to know. I don't think I can handle it.

"She's more important than that. Just stay out of her way," she warns before walking off.

Great, Just great. I die for a while and Miley's got a bodyguard already.

"What was that about?" Cat asks softly, appearing to be affected by what just happened. Andre's right behind her, confused as well.

"Why was the new girl, Miley, saying all those things?"

I fake a chuckle as though I find some odd humor in it all. "I haven't a clue. That Jade chick said I resemble someone she knows. Well, knew. I guess it was a mistake."

Cat touches my shoulder with a pout. "She hit you, why?"

Cause I'm a fucking idiot who deserves to be run over by a car one more time but live through it to feel the pain of my bones being crushed for walking right into the biggest fucking mistake of my life.

"No clue," I mutter.

"Class is about to start. Let's go before we're late," Andre suggests, dropping the subject.

I follow them into the room but I'm scared. I need to talk to Miley, but what would I say when I'm dead?

There's only one thing I can do right now. I can go to class and wait to see what she does. Will she come to me or will I have to trick my way back into her life?

I know she's hurting right now and this must be my punishment. Knowing it's me that she needs, being right here, and not being able to do a damn thing.

What kind of love is this?

It's the kind that tests you. Your stability. Your commitment. Your dedication. Your will. Your strength. Your definition of who you are and the role that you play.

Will I be Mikayla or can I be Alex?

Can I be the real me in the midst of all these lies? Is it possible to be an honest liar?

Can I handle this or will I break? Sitting here in this seat, my heart says break, but my love says lie.

"Another new student! What's your name?"

The question is posed and I look up at the strange teacher.

"Alex, my name is Alex Russo," I answer without missing a beat.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**:_ God, I feel terrible :c I take forever to update and then I write all this sad stuff! I shall take happy pills before writing the next chapter! :3_


	11. Girl Or Ghost

**Never Letting Go**

* * *

><p><strong>Ameha Kay<strong>: Lmao, there is no arguing with you, is there? Thank you though, for all the compliments and it's you that is awesome ^.^

**Gunner3284**: Lol, you're so nice, wanting Miley to suffer and all, haha. I agree, too many meds :p Leads to rambling xD Take more c: And thanks so much :)

**DemenaLuvr**: What am I? Your messenger? Tell Jade West to stop using your word, yourself xP Lol! Love the review and lmao…sorry for the wait, hope your girlfriend isn't too mad :p

**Luz4mj1995**: I did not say you were a penis! I called you a vagina xD Lmfao! Wait, what! I'm a dishrag ;c That's the rudest thing anyone has ever called me D; Take it back! O.o Lmao, threesome? Sounds like something you'd say :p

**Don'tcarewhatpeoplesay**: Lmao, I love how so many people are saying no to happy pills xD I have no clue, my brain just creates all this stuff so if you need answers you have to deal with my brain :c I'm just a vessel to carry out its every whim :3 Haha, yeah, _hitting_ is the first sign of love ^.^Awesome review xD

**Greatpretender27**:Whoa o.o Well, we know where your mind is :p Lmao! Everyone is saying happy pills don't work :c Awh, you love me? I lub you c: It's okay, I love the way you think xD

**Mileycyrusfan**: Awh, you're making me cheese so hard xD Really, I appreciate you calling me talented (: I feel so awesome xD You are amazing ^.^

**TheUsed**: Hey no worries :) Review whenever ya like, no pressure ^.^ Hakuna Matata? Lmaooo. Thanks so much for the compliments though, hope I keep you satisfied c:

**ScaryMiley**: Lol, I feel the same way ^.^ Thanks so much and bye :3

**DoIHaveTo**: Lmfao, I can't help what I do o.o Well…I could…but yeah, no :p I guess I can pull off the crazy stuff I do just cause I'm a writer c: Don't worry though, no one uses my handkerchief so it's clean…which defeats the purpose, lmaooo. I'm glad the brain matter came off cause it would suck if your mom killed you :c Lmao, Cat is distracted by everything xD Awesome review and Awesomer You! (=

**Pyro**: I agree with you :/ This sucks for both of them :c And yeah, maybe my happy pills won't work…yet :3

**Mythical Mania**: I'm excited to see how this plays out as well xD Thanks so much!

**FireHeartBurns**: Yes, forgiveness! Lolol. Cat is adorable xD And I'm glad you're enjoying Victorious c: I heard your plea and answered your wish. Here is the update ^.^

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 11<strong>: Girl Or Ghost

* * *

><p><strong>Mikayla's POV<strong>

"Alex, you are my second new student, where's my first?" the teacher asks.

"Uh, Sikowitz, she's not here," Andre answers, making him look around carefully.

"That I can see! Where are Jade and Tori?"

"Not here…either, " Andre mumbles, looking down.

"Well, of course they are not here! That poses the question of where they might be! Does anyone know?"

Cat glances at Andre uncomfortably and then at me while I just stare at Sikowitz.

"Nope," I answer this time.

"What is the meaning of this? Three students, all gone, together? Something is amiss!" he announces, but then his focus snaps back to me. "Welcome, Alex Russo! Would you like to show us some talent?"

"No, not really."

"Wonderful! Up on stage, come on, Beck go with her," he says.

"Sure," a guy answers from somewhere behind me. I stand up and let him go first. He has tan skin, long, smooth black hair and wears a flawless style of combat boots, jeans with a black and silver belt, and a simple white t-shirt under his blue jean jacket. He's all decked out, but simple as well. I never thought I'd meet Aladdin in real life, but hey, I've seen more surprising things at this point.

He offers a smile as I get on stage with him, one that I don't bother returning as I look to Sikowitz.

"What are we supposed to do?"

He crosses his arms, bouncing back and forth on his feet as he seems to think about it. "Alex, Beck is your son. He just stole a car and you find out. Keep it under a minute. Begin!" Sikowitz demands.

"Uh –"

"Mom! What are you doing here?" Beck asks, panic seeping into his voice as if he has something to hide.

Shit, really? Well, I guess I'll just go with it. This is Improv after all. "After a long day at the office, I have to come home and hear from some street thugs that my son just stole a car! A car!" I exclaim, putting one hand on my hip, much like Justin would as I wag my finger at him.

"But, Mom –"

"No buts, son –" I cut him off, turning away as I shake my head. "It hurts that you wouldn't tell me the good news yourself." I look back at him and for a moment Beck slowly smiles in awe, the guilty expression fading away. Wow, he's good.

"You're not mad, Mom?"

"Mad? Of course not! You're becoming just like your father and I'm so proud of you. Next time you do it, let me know so I can tell all my friends what a good thief my boy is," I say, walking over and pinching both of his cheeks. Hah, this is kind of fun.

"Okay, Mom. I swear and next time, I'll snag something just for you," he promises.

"And scene," I say, dropping my arms at my sides and I look to Sikowitz who hops up, clapping.

"Wonderful twist to the scene! That's what I like! The _unfore-scene_! Ha-ha, get it? No, all right. Take your seats, Beck and Alex," he says enthusiastically as I chuckle, nodding and getting off the low leveled stage to get back to my seat.

"That was good, Alex," Cat whispers and I shrug.

"Nice work," Beck compliments as he passes me and takes his seat.

"Thanks," I reply to both of them. I always did love Improv. I prefer it with Miley though and on that thought, I glance at the door. Where is she? How is she?

I let out a low sigh, all my former amusement gone so easily. I miss her. She's here, right in my reach, but still so unattainable.

For now.

I can't let this go on for too long. I can't handle these shitty emotions and all this longing. I wasn't good at it then and I'm no better at it now.

"Hey, Alex! You should eat lunch with us in the Asphalt café. Beck's gonna be there too," Andre says from behind me. Beck smiles, nodding as well, but what catches my attention is the curly-haired boy next to him that has a puppet in his lap.

"I'll be there too," he says with a soft sigh.

Uh, okay.

"She don't care about you, boy! She'd rather eat with a normal person," his puppet taunts.

"It's okay. I'll be with you so Robbie's puppet doesn't scare you," Cat promises.

"He's not a puppet, for the _millionth_ time!" Robbie whisper-yells, covering its ears. "His name is Rex!"

Beck offers a pitiful smile and pats the top of Robbie's hair. "Yeah, Rex," he repeats, looking off to the side.

"Who can tell me what _Carpe Diem _means?" Sikowitz asks suddenly. I smile, remembering a movie I had seen that revolved around that saying.

"Seize the day," I answer.

"Wonderful, Alex. I want you all to come up with something involving the theme, Carpe diem! It can be anything. A song, a scene, a poem, dance, whatever tweaks your peaks. The words do not have to be included, just the theme behind it. It will be due at the end of the weak. Class dismissed!" he declares.

"Uh, but class just started. We still have thirty minutes left," Andre points out.

"Not anymore. I have a date."

"At eight-fifteen a.m.?" Beck trails off.

"No!" Sikowitz laughs, picking up his bag and hanging it over his neck and shoulder. "That's so early, I'm not insane! It's at six p.m. tonight and she lives twelve miles away. I have to get a head-start," he says, walking over to the left of the room and pushing the window open.

"Why don't you just drive, Sikowitz? It's faster!" Cat yelps.

"She's hates cars! Bad for the environment!" he yells back before climbing out the window and disappearing with a wave.

If ever there was a _what the fuck _moment, this would be it.

"Guess we're free," I mutter, standing and lifting my bag with me.

"Wanna hang out in the Blackbox theatre?" Cat asks, jumping up as well.

"Yeah, we can practice for our Carp diem thing," Robbie says.

"Carpe diem," I correct.

"Oh, new girl schools nerd boy!" Rex taunts.

"Didn't we talk about you not insulting me in front of girls?" Robbie scolds, walking off with his puppet.

"Anyways, I'm good. Just gonna get some air," I murmur, leaving them all behind.

Cat calls me back, but right now, I just want to think about my plans and lack of.

I have to figure something out. The timer's begun and I can hear the ticking. It's slow and daunting. It won't stop, not for me, and not for her. I have to move faster than this ticking.

I can't waste it. I have to take advantage of it. I have to seize it and make it mine. Like our assignment, like the saying Carpe Diem. I'll use it to my benefit.

* * *

><p><strong>Miley's POV<strong>

"Just let go!" I growl, pulling at my arm.

"I will not!" Tori argues, refusing to give me back my hand.

"Tori, let go," Jade advises, coming up behind us.

"No, she's gonna run again!"

"Tori, just let go," Jade repeats.

With a frustrated sigh, Tori shoots her a glare, letting my arm go and honestly, yes. I was going to run, but I didn't expect Jade to pull Mikayla's photo out of her pocket, rendering me motionless.

"You, you kept my picture of Mikayla?"

"Yes, I like to collect interesting things."

"Of dead people?" Tori asks, incredulously.

"Vega, shut up and look at it," she says, holding it out.

Tori frowns, but takes the photo and stares at it for a long time, her mouth falling open in the process. How did I not notice Jade stealing my picture of Mikayla? Wait, I did give it to her before storming out last night.

"Holy sh-this looks like the new girl, Alex," Tori mumbles, unable to break her gaze away. "Just different hair, but wow…"

"Her skin is paler now," Jade points out.

"Stop it! Mikayla is dead, okay?" I snap.

"Maybe, but what if she's like, a ghost?" Jade wonders softly.

"What the hell? Alex is not a ghost! She's just a girl who looks like Miley's ex, which by the way, she really is gorgeous. You have great taste in girls," Tori compliments, looking up from the photo.

I actually smile at that. "Thanks, but yeah," I shrug, looking down.

"Are you gonna be okay?" Jade asks me.

"I don't know, honestly, it's been so weird for me lately. One moment I feel normal and the next I'm consumed by emotion that I can't handle. It's like…two opposite state of minds."

"Maybe you're bipolar," a random voice pipes in. My brows furrow and I turn to see a strange, lanky boy with glasses that screams creepy.

"Sinjin! Private conversation! Go!" Tori yells.

"Okay, okay, I'm going!" he yelps, running off and disappearing around a corner.

"Sorry about that," Tori mutters with a huff.

"Not that I don't like seeing you squirm, Vega, but what's got you all on edge?" Jade asks, making my attention focus on Tori, who indeed, now that I'm looking, seems stressed out.

"Nothing! It's just, a lot's been going on." She runs a hand through her hair. "I'm just worried, because lately some things are off and make no sense and it's kind of scary."

"Like what things?" Jade presses.

Tori frowns, looking between us. "Things like Miley burying her ex's stuff, then the very next day, this girl shows up who looks exactly like her, and, and I don't know! I just don't like this vibe! It's weird and I'm worried because it made you break down," Tori says, looking at me. "And you're actually somewhat caring," Tori adds, turning back to look at Jade. "And I'm just, I'm so confused," she rushes out and before I can even contemplate how to handle this, Jade grabs her wrist.

"Miley, are you going to be okay? I need to talk some sanity back into this one," she says, making Tori's shoulders slump.

"Say no, she might try and kill me. Again."

But I can see that Tori needs something and I don't think I can be the friend I should be.

"Yeah, I'll be fine," I reply.

"We'll be in the janitor's closet," Jade mutters, dragging an unwilling Tori towards it.

But once they disappear, leaving me here, I feel alone again. It's odd how one moment I just honestly want to be dead and the next I feel alive. Tori still has Mikayla's picture and I shiver thinking about Jade saying she's a ghost.

No, that's stupid. I squeeze my eyes shut and shake my head. Get it out of my head. Alex is not Mikayla. Mikayla is not a ghost.

Then why, for that one moment when I was with her, breaking down, did Alex feel like Mikayla?

No. No, no, no! Alex pushed me away and looked at me like I was insane, like I scared her. Mikayla used to tell me that nothing about me could ever scare her. It's not Mikayla, it's not a damn ghost!

As sick as it is, I kind of wish it is because that way I could say that Mikayla came back for me. But she didn't. Instead, fate decided to push me again and maybe this should be the blow that kills me, seeing someone walking, living, and breathing that looks like Mikayla, yet isn't. Jade and Tori kept me together and I don't know if I'm sad about that or grateful.

I just, I have to keep letting go of these stupid fucking ideas that are being entertained. I have to live in reality, not in memories or dreams.

Through all the thinking, my stomach grumbles at me. I should have eaten breakfast. I ignore it and glance at the time. I don't think I want to be in school right now. I missed one class already and at this point, I feel like just driving and losing myself in music and the breeze passing me by.

I head for the exit, thankful that Jade drove me home yesterday and back this morning, meaning my car is still here. I'm not prepared, however, to push the door open and see her sitting on the steps, head downcast over her bag which is between the knees that her forearms rest upon.

God, Mikayla. Fuck, it's Alex.

Her head whips around and her eyes widen slightly. "You, you're not gonna hit me again, are you?" she asks uneasily.

I scowl to myself, at myself. I can't believe I fucking hit her. This is embarrassing. "No. I, uh. I promise and I'm sorry," I stutter, my heartbeat skyrocketing. Fuck my life.

She offers a kinder half-smile and stands up.

"Are you okay? You took off pretty fast after that outburst," she points out.

Frowning, I shove both hands in my pockets. "Listen, I honestly thought you were someone else. If I had known you weren't, that would have never happened."

"So basically, this is my fault?" she questions, facing me fully.

"No, it's your face's fault," I joke and her eyes sparkle a bit as the left side of her mouth goes up a little more. Just like Mikayla's smile.

No, wait. Lots of people smile like that. Yeah, well. Lots of people don't smile like that while looking like Mikayla.

"But, are you okay?" she asks in a hushed voice. One that makes me focus on the words that she's saying.

"Yeah. I'm sorry, but yeah, I'm fine."

"Who's Mikayla?"

I swallow and look down. "Listen, Alex. I don't know you and the things I said to you, please forget them. I'm trying to forget as well. I have to go now, but I am sorry about attacking you earlier. I'll see you around," I mutter, walking past her.

"Wait." Her voice is just a wisp. Like air hitting the side of my face. I freeze and turn back.

"What?" I ask, afraid of whatever words she might say. What if she is a ghost?

"Carpe diem, it means seize the day. Sikowitz ended class early which is why I'm out here. Carpe diem, though, it's our assignment. Due next week. Create something with the theme of it, anything you want," she inform me.

"Thanks for the update, Alex," I murmur, unable to look at her face anymore. It's just haunting, really.

* * *

><p><strong>Mikayla's POV<strong>

She can't even look at me. I've never felt so uncomfortable in my life. I know I'm not ugly, but with the way Miley just looked at me and then stopped, I certainly feel it.

My gaze only lifts to watch her walk away. Am I always meant to watch her walk away?

She asked me to forget all the things she said to me earlier. How can I forget what I've always wanted to hear? How can I let her forget all the things she's always needed to say? I can't and I won't. I don't know how, but I have to remind her. Or I have to forget, which is it? I'm not so sure anymore.

One way or another, I need to get closer to her.

"Alex, right?"

I turn around to see the girl from earlier, the one who went after Miley. She holds the door open, peeking out.

"Uh, yeah, and you are?"

She steps out of the doorway and comes forward until she's in front of me. She studies me like I'm some sort of puzzle and I don't appreciate the scrutiny.

"Ahem," I fake cough.

"Oh right. I'm Tori, Tori Vega," she mumbles.

I nod. "Well, I need to head back in," I say, making a move to go.

"Wait," she says and I pause. "Why are you here?"

I frown, a really deep frown. The kind where my eyes narrow, my forehead creases, my nose does a weird thing of its own and my whole body follows suit, muscles tensing, body stiffening, and finally, after all that, a breath. One breath, loosening me up and in this moment that I really frown, and her eyes never stop with that stupid scrutinizing gaze – even amidst my lies, I give her an honest answer.

"For the same reason you're here."

It's her turn to frown, but hers is confused. "What reason is that?"

I smile. "To find my passion, what I live for. To grab on and seize it, to make it mine and never let it slip away from me. That's what I'm here for."

Her lips are graced with a real smile. "You must be a song-writer or something."

I chuckle at that and shake my head. "No, Tori. I'm just a dreamer, but right now, I'm trying to make my dreams come true."

"That's sort of wonderful."

"If I succeed, then yes. Wonderful. If I fail, then. The end."

Her head shakes. "No, no. That's not how it goes. If you can't make your dream come true, then you have to dream a better dream and go after that one," she reasons, but reason can't save me now.

"No, because I have dreamt the best dream. If I can't make it come true, then –" I snap my fingers suddenly, making her flinch. "The end."

"Just like that?"

"Just like that," I repeat firmly.

"What if I'm just too afraid to dream?" she whispers.

My brows furrows as I realize that Tori has a weight on her shoulders. I open my eyes and look deeper to find that she's sinking in her own fears. With that simple question, she's told me her struggle.

Truth is, some people are afraid to dream, because if you don't dream, then you won't know what it is that you really want. Maybe some people are too scared to know what they really want, because, what if what you want is something you think you can't have? It usually is, isn't it?

"If you're afraid to dream, avoid your reflection. You won't like what you see."

"Who are you?" she asks with a hint of fear in her voice, but I don't think it's fear of me. I think she's afraid of herself and that maybe what I'm saying is true.

Her question though, it makes me laugh with how sad this is.

"Alex Russo. That's what you'll call me."

"But who are you?" Tori asks again. She's reaching for a different sort of answer. A more honest one.

"Who am I? You don't even know yourself so before searching for my answers, find your own," I suggest.

"I have all the answers," she murmurs. "I just don't know where they fit."

"Maybe that's the problem. You have the answers, but what if they're all wrong? The right ones, they don't need to be put anywhere, they just fall into place and create something that can't be questioned. When you find that kind of an answer, you'll be closer."

"How am I supposed to dream?" Is she so lost that she's willing to reach out to me, a stranger?

"You close your eyes. You give in. Let go."

"Alex," she murmurs.

"Tori –" Both of our gazes instantly shift to Jade who's standing by the door. How long she's been there, I can't tell you, but something about the look in her eyes tells me it's been a while.

"Yeah?"

"Did you find her?"

Tori's eyes squeeze shut. "No, I'll just text Miley," Tori mumbles.

"She left," I say. "She walked past me, got in her car and left."

Jade lets out a sigh and pulls out her phone. What's with the pear phone anyway? I probably shouldn't be talking with my Apple products and the pear shape is actually quite nice.

"So, Russo. Why the sudden switch here?" Jade asks.

"Sometimes people just follow a dream," Tori says with a chuckle that makes me laugh.

"You've got it. You absolutely have it." I don't know why it's so funny, but when someone really understands something, it's a nice kind of feeling. It makes laughing that much easier.

"That's so wonderful," Jade mutters with no emotion as she types away on her phone.

I watch as Tori's gaze rakes up and down Jade slowly, studying her with the same scrutiny I had been subjected to earlier.

I think I know why Tori's afraid to dream. Maybe what she dreams of is a nightmare for others and looking at Jade, I get why she's afraid and it makes me curious, but not so much as to ask or get involved just yet because hunches aren't always right.

"It is wonderful," Tori murmurs as her arms come up to hug herself. She turns away from Jade and I both, looking off as though she's beginning to day-dream already.

Jade, as inconspicuous as she is, from beneath furrowed brows, peeks out at Tori. There's a certain confusion to be read. I can see her jaw working, and clearly she's thinking about something, stressing over it.

The question for me is, what is she stressing about? I don't even know them and I can practically see it playing right out in front of me.

"What are you doing out here anyways?" Jade asks, an icy feel to her presence now.

"Sikowitz ended class early. Something about a date," I say and amusement passes through her gaze for a moment but quickly fades.

"Alex, we thought you left!" All of us turned around to see Cat skipping over to us. Yes, literally skipping with Beck, Andre, and Robbie in tow.

Beck's laughing with Andre, but the moment he sees Jade, that humor runs far away and he plasters a neutral look to his face. Looking back at Jade, her jaw locks even tighter as she watches him while Tori looks between them both.

Robbie even becomes quiet and Andre pats Beck's shoulder. Everyone seems in tune with something except for Cat.

"Jade, Tori! Why weren't you in class today? Sikowitz asked about you! Where's Miley? She didn't hit you again, did she?" Cat asks in a worried voice as she holds my forearm.

"Miley hit you?" Beck asks, surprised.

"Uh, it was a misunderstanding."

"Why would one hot new girl hit the other hot new girl?" Robbie questions through his puppet, Rex.

"Rex, shush!" Cat warns.

"Don't shush me!" Rex argues.

"Then be quiet!" Is Cat really arguing with Robbie's puppet?

"All right. Well, I'm out of here," I announce.

"But we just found you!" Cat pouts.

"My next class starts soon."

"Hey, you guys think Miley will go out with me?" Robbie asks. "She's really emotional so maybe if I ask her out she'll feel better."

Puppet-freak wants my Miley?

"Listen, before you go around hitting on girls, maybe you ought to take your hand out of that puppet's ass and don't say stupid shit before the next one with something up their ass is you," I snap and walk off, leaving everyone, even Jade stunned at my sudden change in behavior.

"I know what this is about!" Robbie calls out, making me turn back.

"Oh really?" I challenge. I don't mind kicking his ass for just thinking about Miley in that way.

"Yeah, you're all jealous because I'm talking about the other new girl in front of you."

That's a joke, if I ever heard one. But I am jealous. Jealous at the thought of anyone even thinking of going after Miley.

Jade snickers at my expression and Beck steps forward. "Uh, Robbie. I think you should go."

"Yeah, go," Tori repeats.

"No, Robbie should stay," I say, walking back over.

He stares at me, wide-eyed and full of fear. Maybe I shouldn't take my anger out on him. He's no real threat, but it's too late to reason because I'm already grabbing his puppet and walking off with it.

"Wait, where are you taking him!" he yelps, chasing after me.

Nearby is a garbage can and I stuff his stupid puppet into it harshly before kicking the can over and walking off. This is dumb, but hey, it made me happy. You should always do things that make you happy. I can't be with Miley, so yeah, let's just terrorize dweebs with puppets and silly crushes.

I sigh. I need to relax, but how can I? How can I when I'm stewing here, losing my fucking mind because I don't know how to handle this right now. I go back into the school and head to my next class. I need anger management or something.

No, what I fucking need is Miley.

I kick a locker before heading into class. This day needs to be over.

* * *

><p><strong>Miley's POV<strong>

_30 miles per hour_

I merge onto the highway. All four windows are down. The wind is barely hitting my face and the road is nearly empty. I press harder on the gas.

_40 miles per hour_

My heart rate increases and I feel like I'm flying in a sickening way that makes me feel good. The wind is harsher, making my hair fly all about, but it's not enough. Her eyes are still plaguing my mind. I push my foot down again.

_50 miles per hour_

It suddenly feels cold. I can't feel my heart beating anymore. Everything is passing by way too fast for me to feel, but I still see it. That half-smile she did. It's so similar. I close my eyes and have no choice.

_60 miles per hour_

My eyes snap open because the wind is slapping me in the face. I can't see much now and I was hoping this would help, but it doesn't. It just doesn't. I let out a shaky breath, switching over to the brake and quickly take the nearest exit out. I park abruptly by a sidewalk, changing gears and shutting off the engine.

A strangled cry rips out from deep in my gut as I hit the steering wheel with every ounce of energy I can summon. I hit it to the point of exhaustion, and fail to stay strong as I cry harder and slump over, weak and tired.

Fuck you, Alex Russo. Why did she have to come to my new school? Why does she have to look so much like my Mikayla? Why does she have to remind me of this pain? All I want is to hold her, but it's not her. I become scared all over again because what if it is her and I'm too hysterical to see it? What if I'm seeing her because I'm out-of-it and so lost in emotions?

What if, what if, what fucking if?

What do I do? She looks just like Mikayla. I can't deal with this because I'm scared it might be and even more scared that it might not be.

I believe in spirits and stuff, but can I believe this much?

I want to know and I have to make a choice.

I'm choosing further insanity, I know it. I'm choosing something that might kill me. I'm going to find out who Alex Russo is. If she's just Alex or if she's not. My gut is saying this is the right choice, my heart says it too, but my head is disagreeing so much because I don't want to mistake someone else for the girl that I love and let this Alex in by mistake.

I won't let Alex in, but I'll go into her life. I have to. I have to break her down and see if what's left is Mikayla or something totally different. I swallow thickly and run a hand through my hair. I hit the steering wheel in frustration one more time.

I'm already at my lowest point. I've broken down twice in less than twenty-four hours. It's odd because seeing Alex, I did feel insane, but I felt at ease too. I need something to do and maybe Alex is what I need to focus on, because at least if I'm breaking her apart, maybe I won't have to feel myself breaking down.

My mind is made. Tomorrow, I start. I'll watch her every move. I won't let a moment slip away where I'm not studying her. I'll find out who she is and if she's mine or if mine is gone. And if mine is gone, then so am I.

I feel crazed and I'm scared of this feeling, but it's so much better than feeling dead because now I have something live for.

Even if it's just for a short while.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _I couldn't find the happy pills :/ So let me break this down...5 Final papers, 4 Final exams, 3 Extra-Credit paper assignments, 2 Film assignments, 1 Experiment study and 1 Final project all over the course of the next week. What does this mean? Basically, I'll be in my college library hopped up on caffeine, delirious, and whining about how college sucks. So, it may take a while to update and I know a lot of you are dealing with this as well so good luck! :c And see you next update...if I'm still alive :3_


	12. The Realm Of Dreams

**Never Letting Go**

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Dear readers, this story has been left off for over a year due to many reasons, mainly my fear of it not living up to its expectations. Every time I did come back to it, I worried I would disappoint, but now, I realize how much of the story is missing and how much I want to share the rest with you all. Therefore, I am finally picking this one up and I don't plan to stop until I make it to the very end. I apologize dearly for keeping you all waiting and I only hope that the readers who once enjoyed this story can join me again. So here you are, the next chapter [:

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 12<strong>: The Realm Of Dreams

* * *

><p><strong>Mikayla's POV<strong>

"Oh, gross! Alex!"

Snapped out of my sleep, I look around until my eyes lock onto Justin who stands in front of me, arms crossed with an expression of admonishment.

"What – what'd I do?" I ask, rubbing my eyes as I sit up, only to have a box of takeout roll off of my stomach and onto the carpet. "Oh."

"God, it's still our first day in a new place and you manage to make a mess of things," he says, grabbing a plastic bag and picking up the empty containers.

As I brush the grains of rice off my shirt, I glance at the time: five forty-eight p.m. "You're home early."

"Yeah well, half the hunters-in-training don't have their wizard spell vaccines – who knows what kinds of diseases these monsters carry around with them; you'd think trainees would care about their health, but our first day was cut short so they could get all the preliminaries taken care of. I have to say, I am disappointed in their lack of –"

"Justin?"

"Yeah?"

"Please be quiet."

His eyes widen while I take a slow breath and stand up, stretching.

"You said…please…" he murmurs, looking stunned before coming over to stand directly in front of me, nothing but concern on his face. "What happened, bad first day?"

"You could say that."

"What, the talented people didn't like you?" he asks, half-serious, half-mocking.

"Do all monster hunter's smell like rotting vegetation?" I retort, making him frown and sniff at the collar of his shirt.

"We were digging for roots, the best vanquishing potions require a little work and sweat," he mumbles defensively, but it works and he hurries away, saying that he needs a quick shower.

Picking up where he left off, I continue gathering the mess I made of dinner and decide to make the trip outside to toss it in the garbage bin. It's not quite evening yet, but it might as well be night with the cloud that hangs over my head, following me wherever I go, casting some gloomy shadow that I can't shake.

The day's events are on repeat in my brain. From Miley's emotional and physical assault on me to Jade's warning and then finally my resignation to the fact that I can't do a damn thing about it all.

Rather than go back inside, I pull the front door shut and start walking aimlessly. She can't even look at my face. My worst enemy isn't Jade or Robbie or any person who might take an interest in Miley. My rival is the one who stares back at me in the mirror and that's not something I know how to fight.

My hands shove their way into my front pockets and I stop at the curb of this street, thinking back to how one moment of indiscretion had cost me my life. I didn't look both ways and it landed me in Miley's arms, saying my last words.

Crossing the street, I take notice of a payphone and play a game of don't blink for over two minutes before my eyes water at what it has to offer.

I have no one anymore and it's just now hitting me. Who can I turn to for guidance or compassion or even a semblance of hope? I used to pride myself on not needing anyone, but there was always one person I did turn to.

Unable to fight the loneliness much longer, I go over and lift up the handset, bringing it to my ear. I slide two quarters in and before I can rationalize my actions, I dial the ten digits on the keypad and wait as it rings.

She won't even suspect it's me. I'm supposed to be dead.

"Hello?" my mom answers and my eyes close. I have to cover my mouth to keep from breathing too hard and she repeats the greeting two more times before a voice I didn't expect to hear says, "Hang up the phone, Mandy. No one's there." Brian, my step-dad.

"All right," my mom says, sounding so defeated before the line goes dead. Hanging up, I step back, staring at the payphone.

It's now that I realize there's so much more at stake here than just Miley's happiness. I've been so selfish that despite missing my mom and Brian, I never thought about just how much they lost for my foolishness. I've already vowed to Sofiel that I'd make Miley love me again, but now, I'm swearing it to myself.

I go back inside the apartment and Justin's voice echoes from the bathroom shower as he sings off key and I pace back and forth before looking down at the wand that lays on the coffee table.

Miley fell for me once when all I had to offer was a secretive high school romance of stolen kisses and hopeful promises.

I pick up the wand and study it as my heart constricts momentarily, reminding me of the power that I've been given. Now I'll show her a magical love.

Determination I didn't have earlier fills me before I find myself in Justin's room, searching for the right book, the right spell, the right way into Miley's dreams because if there's one good thing Alex Russo has done to work in my favor, it's that she was accused of dream-hopping the moment I met her.

* * *

><p><strong>Miley's POV<strong>

I barely enter the house after my long drive when I see Jackson sitting on the couch that faces the front door.

"Sit," he says and it bothers me how full of authority he acts, but without a word, I drop my bag, shrug out of my jacket and take the seat opposite of him.

"You had no right to talk to Dad like that, Miley."

I find it ironic and lean forward, forcing myself to keep a calm voice. "You must be pleased that you got your wish, Jackson. I rebelled like the teenage girl I am so now Dad and I are on opposing sides. You finally get to choose who to support and as always, it isn't me."

Hurt and guilt flash through his eyes at having his own words thrown back in his face. I rise, knowing I'm wrong for this, but I don't have the heart to care because if I let one more bit of emotion weigh me down, I'll break again.

I go up to my room and fall into bed, digging through my pocket for my phone to see twelve missed texts; three from Jackson, two from Jade, and the rest from Tori. I let the two girls know I'm all right and then scroll further through my messages to find the one from Mikayla's number that I sent myself.

From my other pocket, I pull out the now crinkled photograph of Mikayla and study her smile. I notice the way the left side of her mouth lifts, giving her a roguish smirk and how her long black hair, loose and free reminds me of the days I could tangle my fingers in those thick strands, never getting tired of its softness.

I remember the way Alex smiled outside on the school steps this afternoon and how it looked exactly the same.

I sigh, closing my eyes. Mikayla would never hide.

* * *

><p><strong>Mikayla's POV<strong>

_Step one of dream traveling: The host must be asleep. _

_To enter the dream state, focus on the one whose dream you wish to join, then say the following incantation: Somnia intrare. _

_If they awaken, you will immediately be expelled from the host's unconsciousness. __If you wish to exit the dream, simply say this incantation: Somnium exitum._

_Note: If you enter another wizard's dream state, they will have full recollection of your visit, however if you enter a mortal's dream state, they will have little/vague to no recollection of your visit as they rarely remember dreams in its entirety with one exception; if they are woken abruptly by an outside party: they will then recall the dream traveler and his/her actions/speeches in vivid detail. _

_Warning: Once you enter a dream state, if you travel away from the ongoing dream and into the host's further unconsciousness, dangerous scenarios may arise. If you find yourself lost, exit immediately as the mind is a powerful adversary when breached. If you are physically injured during the course of the dream, you will return with those injuries as your actual body is transported into the host's realm of dreams. _

_Keep in mind, what is a dream to the host is reality to the traveler. _

I snap the book shut, dropping it in my lap so I can shake the oncoming fatigue. After locating Justin's trunk full of wizarding books earlier, I found a text called the _Advanced Wizard's Guidebook: Magical Possibilities of the Mind and Soul_ that had an entire section dedicated to dream exploration.

The thing for me is, despite how dangerous this tactic might be, I can't help that I need to figure out what's happening inside Miley's head. At least that way, I can devise a plan on how to get her to welcome me as Alex into her life. There's a little voice in the back of my mind that knows better though. It's not just about aiding myself in this quest, but it's also because I wonder about what she's going through.

So, saying to hell with my reservations, I tuck the magical text underneath my pillow for safekeeping and check the time: eight forty-nine p.m.

Opening my bedroom door, I shout, "Justin, I'm going to bed! Don't bother me!"

There's a moment of silence and I wonder if he's heard me. "Yeah, okay!" he calls back. "Set your alarm or I'll wake you at seven!"

"Seven-thirty!" I bargain.

"Alex!"

"Seven-fifteen?"

"Goodnight!" he yells.

I chuckle and shut the door, locking it as well. I realize already that I can't exactly enter Miley's dream looking like Alex and more importantly, I need to make sure she's asleep before doing anything.

I grab the wand from my boot and wave it as I whisper, "Out of sight, just in case, take me to Miley's place!"

I don't even get to blink as I feel a wave of nausea hit me and I'm standing in a small enclosed room. It takes several moments of hardcore deliberation before I shift and realize that I'm surrounded by shirts and hangers. I feel around and find the doorknob, turning it softly so I can peek out, then stop breathing for a second when I see Miley sprawled on her back, legs hanging off the edge of her bed. Now I know where exactly I am.

This is probably the most inappropriate time for a closet joke, so I step of hers as quietly as possible before making my way over. There's what seems to be a permanent scowl set on her lips and I long to kiss it away. Miley wouldn't even know if I did because she's such a deep sleeper; a train could crash through her living room and she'd probably roll over, thinking little of it.

Her phone lies next to her, but what stands out is the item she's clutching in her right hand against her stomach. I reach out and slowly tug it out of her grip, smiling when I see that it's a picture of me. I tuck the photo into my back pocket and bend to one knee.

Carefully, I remove her shoes so as not to wake her, then lift her legs properly onto the bed, making sure to slip a pillow under her head. I know I shouldn't be so sentimental, but I cover her too, figuring she'll assume it was her dad or brother.

"You still have me, Miley. Even if you don't know it," I murmur, faintly brushing the back of my hand against her cheek. It must tickle though because her brows crinkle and that's my cue to step back while muttering a quick spell that with a second bout of nausea returns me to my room.

I damn near drop to the ground because this whole teleporting thing really sucks and I need to catch my breath with the way my stomach twists. Then, dragging myself to the mirror, I pull out the photo I snuck and stare at my former self, trying not to get worked up at how frustrating all of this is.

I toss my picture on the dresser and raise the wand. "A spitting image I need to be, change me back temporarily!"

The entire room flashes with a bright light that surrounds, then engulfs me and when it vanishes, I'm a little thrown to see my true reflection. It's not just me though, it's the me from the photograph in a style of clothes that I haven't even worn since my junior year of high school when Miley snapped this picture.

I kind of laugh at my flawlessly tailored red dress-shirt. Back then, I liked dressing more boyish and it shows clearly with my laced up military boots, skintight jeans and I roll my eyes, untucking the shirt from my pants. The whole outfit fits like a second skin and I almost want to cry when I realize I have my mother's serpent necklace on, feeling overcome by the nostalgia of it all.

Before I can second guess my plan, I focus on Miley and just say the incantation, "Somnium intrare!" Right away, I'm hurled forward as everything becomes dark. I can't see and I feel cold as I hit the wet soggy ground with a heavy thud, sliding forward and crashing to my knees. My balance is shot and I stay frozen wherever I am, waiting for the light to return, but it never does.

I squint as my eyes begin to adjust and everything is so loud. It's thundering, storming, a nasty downpour and I'm freezing, shivers crawling up my spine as I stand and consider leaving already. The stench is so off-putting, like rotten wood and something awful. I wander around, looking for anything that makes sense, but it's all so pitch black as I stumble blindly.

I pause to shove the wand in my boot before I continue walking through what feels like a desolate forest, but there are no trees or grass or life even and my boots sink into the soggy dirt as rain completely soaks through my clothes.

I might as well have a blindfold on, that's how vision-less I feel and I'm stopped when I bump into something. Reaching out, I feel the thick slab of stone and bend to run my fingers over it.

A crash of lightning completely brightens the blackness and then it goes dark again, but my eyes adjust to the peculiar night and I realize I'm staring at my own tombstone.

For a second, I think Miley's dreaming of the cemetery, but when I look to the side, there's a shovel on the ground right next to a grave that's been dug as if waiting for a body to fill it. I gingerly walk closer and see a second tombstone, but it's covered in mud. Careful not to fall in, I go to the stone and slowly drag my forearm across it, making the wet muck drop in chunks to the ground.

My eyes widen when I see whose name is engraved sloppily onto the cracked stone: _Miley Ray Stewart – Murderer of Mikayla Marie Marshall. _

Instantly, I clamber backwards and look down to see that there's a coffin in the grave and I let out a choked cry. "Miley, God, no!" I shriek and without thought, I all but throw myself into the grave and force open the heavy wooden cover to find that it's empty. I heave myself out of the six-foot pit, trembling and cursing under my breath.

I came here to learn about Miley's dreams, but this is a nightmare. Is that really what she thinks? That she's the cause of my death? Does she punish herself like this every single night without even being aware?

I don't know where to go, where to turn, but there's a soft splash that sounds from behind me. I move towards it and despite the sheer gloom of this realm, there she is, floating on top a bed of water, clad in a dress whiter than the angel, Sofiel's. I'm stricken at the sight because although there's a beauty about her, there's a grittiness as well.

I start to severely panic as I approach the water because I can't swim, yet that doesn't stop me from stepping into the murky liquid and I'm stuck momentarily because there are vines down below that hook my leg. It's a swamp, I realize before I wade through the shallow marsh, struggling towards her.

"Miley?" I call, but she just drifts there, like she's waiting to drown. Her eyes are shut and her white dress is muddied and torn. "Did you dig that grave?" I ask when I finally reach her. She doesn't answer and it's a struggle to stay upright as the water threatens to sway me. I get close enough and slip my arms beneath her, bringing her near lifeless body firmly into mine.

She has no strength, no will, no energy about her.

Forcing my way back, I carry her onto the dirt land, but stay by the swamp because that grave scares me more than I'd like to admit.

Cradling Miley in my arms, I want to warm her, but the rain pours down harder as if she's refusing my arrival. My breaths are ragged and my chest burns as though the oxygen here is rusted glass.

I know this is unreal, but even having her dream self in my arms feels amazing despite the dreadful setting. I rest my cheek against her forehead and just enjoy this moment until her fingers begin sliding up my arm. I pull back to look at her and feel like this may just be my dream with the way her eyes open and she smiles, but it's the smile of a broken girl and it's the reason tears threaten to fall as she holds my face, feeling it, remembering it.

"I knew you'd come. I knew you'd save me," she whispers. "Even after I've failed you."

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><p><strong>AN**: _I kept this chapter shorter than the others to see how people feel about me picking up on this story. The dream aspect is going to be lots of fun to mess with. I mean, at some point because Mikayla is, well, Mikayla, she's going to get into trouble in there ^.^_


	13. Mission Expose Alex

**Never Letting Go**

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><p><strong>Random<strong>: Lol, aw thank you c:

**Ameha** **Kay**: I'm really ecstatic to hear my update had that effect on you ^.^ I've read authors who I've flipped out over when they updated after a long time, so to hear that I can cause that is extremely awesome. Thank you so much for your compliments and enjoy this one [:

**Darksaber92**: o_0 Thank you :3

**SunStorm18722**: Oh, I didn't realize you had a name change. Good thing you told me, haha. As for Miley remembering, there will be a time in the story where she comes to remember one of her dreams, but before that happens, Mikayla gets to explore a little bit :3 On another note, I must thank you for sticking by me, it's really touching that after all this time, I'd have readers who would still be interested despite the wait. Now enjoy this update because all things considered, it's long overdue, lol L:

**LeyvaLocaLoba**: I'm sorry that you had to re-read the story, but thank you for going through the trouble and thank you for the review. Enjoy :]

**DoIHaveTo**: Your review had me cracking up xD Yes, it is alive ^.^ Hope you're having fun here in America, but if I joined you, then I can't write this story and we wouldn't want that :p Dude, I want Capt'n Crunch :c All I have is Cheerios, lmao. Seriously, thank you and enjoy. P.S. No need to apologize for any spelling errors, we all make 'em L:

**The** **starz**: Lmao, I can't wait to write that part actually ^.^ Thank you for reviewing and here you are [:

**Mythical** **Mania**: I'm sorry you lost hope for so long, but I'm here to restore it. Wow, I feel like Superman, lmao. I'm lame, but anyways, thank you for the review and yeah, Mikayla breaking into Miley's dreams is a whole 'nother level of criminal conduct xD LOL. You don't have to die much longer, here's the update and enjoy :D

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><p><strong>AN**: I forgot to say this last chapter, but to an old friend who was kind enough to edit this story's cover image, credit goes to **Faded Innocence**. Thank you, Rin. It has me pretty damn pleased ^.^

Now, the story c:

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><p><strong>Chapter 13<strong>: Mission Expose Alex

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><p><strong>Miley's POV<strong>

I've been awake in bed for the past fifteen minutes, hands tucked under my neck and I feel utterly relaxed, though I don't know why.

My phone buzzes and I check it to see a text from Tori. _"Need a ride to school?"_

I'm about to text her back and say no thanks, but a second one comes in, this time from Jade. "_Ignore Vega's question. We'll be in front of your house in thirty. Bring a banana."_

I do a double take at that last sentence before getting out of bed and getting ready. On my way downstairs, I notice my dad's already gone for work and I know that's because of me. I haven't seen him since the night I blew up on him when I buried Mikayla's things. Part of me is relieved that I don't have to face him and the other part, the part that remembers his warm fluffy cinnamon pancakes, the loco hot cocoa, the times when he'd catch me in his arms, crushing me with a monstrous hug, and the spontaneous music sessions we once broke out into, is the part of me that misses him like hell.

My hand even flinches, thinking to call him, but I can't bring myself to do it. What would I say? I know I'm gay and all, but can't you just ignore that for a second and pretend I'm your little girl again?

That might even work, I think as I enter the kitchen and see Jackson on the phone with who I assume is his girlfriend. He doesn't bother to acknowledge that I'm in the room so as I go to the cupboard, I poke his side, making him glare at me.

"Hold on, Siena," he says, then focuses on me. "Need something?"

"What, no good morning, or how did you sleep, or hope you have a nice day?"

He stares at me blankly. "Good morning, sleep well? Have a nice day." Not a shred of sincerity.

I chuckle and grab a cereal bar, heading for the door when I remember Jade's odd request.

From the fruit bowl, I pick out a ripe banana and pausing at the door, I glance back at Jackson whose arms are crossed as he waits for me to leave so he can return to his phone call.

"For what it's worth, I hope you have a nice day too."

He looks like he wants to say something, but I leave when I realize he won't.

Thankfully, Jade's already parked outside in her dark brown car. Odd enough though, it's Tori in the driver's seat and I'm a little confused as to why that is. I toss my bag in first before climbing into the backseat. "Hey, why's Tori driving?" I ask.

Jade quietly answers, "She wouldn't get in if I didn't let her."

Tori's eyes do the most classic of eye rolls and she even turns to face me. "Let's just say that the last time I let Jade drive me somewhere, it was to my doom!"

"It was not! If you didn't jump out of my car, you would have seen it was just a short cut."

"A short cut?" Tori asks. "A short cut through a deserted waste land where no one would find my body! You had a shovel! Seriously! No way am I letting you drive me anywhere again."

"Whatever," Jade mutters. "I don't like driving in the daylight anyways. You're doing me a favor, Vega."

I smile at their bickering and toss the banana into Jade's lap.

"Oh, you remembered," she says and grins, peeling it open.

"Hey, I want one," Tori whines. "You didn't give me enough time to eat breakfast."

"Aw, someone want a bite?" Jade asks in a falsely sweet voice that for reasons beyond me, Tori falls for, nodding radiantly. "That's unfortunate," Jade adds, biting into the fruit and for the first time since I met her, I see Tori actually glare at Jade.

"Just evil," she murmurs. "Pure banana-hoggin' evil."

Opening my cereal bar, I hold it out and Tori cheers up right away, breaking a piece off as she thanks me, then pulls out onto the road, one hand on the steering wheel.

Being mean to Tori actually seems like a crime. She's one of those people that you think should be added in as the eleventh commandment, saying _Thou shall not bring sadness upon this kindhearted soul._

Maybe Jade's the antichrist. It's a thought worth considering as I eat my chewy bar.

"So, you took off pretty fast yesterday. Is everything okay?" Tori asks.

"Uh, yeah. Took a drive to clear my mind."

"Did it work?" Jade questions, meeting my gaze in the rearview mirror.

"I was pretty steamed when I got home actually, but I don't know. I woke up feeling really good."

"Good? Like, happy or…" Tori trails off.

"Rested," I answer. "Usually I toss and turn at night, wake up and barely get any sleep, but it's like when I hit that pillow, I was just out and I stayed out. My brain isn't as scattered as it usually is and I don't know, I don't feel emotionally exhausted."

Tori looks genuinely pleased to hear that and even Jade smiles, giving an approving nod. She then takes another bite of her banana, slowly swallowing before saying, "I don't mean to ruin your good mood, but before we just ignore the fact that there's a doppelganger of your ex running around our school, what do you plan on doing?"

"Jade," Tori murmurs. "We should just leave it alone."

"Leave it alone? The girl could be proof the zombie apocalypse has begun!" Jade argues.

"She seems really nice though," Tori says. "I don't get a flesh-eating vibe from her."

"Hah, I bet she eats –"

"Hey," I cut in, catching exactly where Jade's train of thought was heading by her smirk and lowered voice.

"What? We're all wondering, aren't we? I mean, how coincidental would it be if the girl who looks like your ex happens to be gay too?"

"That would be interesting," I agree.

Tori looks between us and groans. "You can't be serious. What if she's just a normal person who came to Hollywood Arts to learn?"

Jade looks at Tori like she's lost her mind. "Who comes to high school to learn? Come on, Tori. That girl's got a secret and I say we find out what it is."

As I finish off my breakfast and crinkle up the wrapper, I consider what Jade's proposing. I already did plan to figure Alex out on my own. A little help might not be a bad idea.

"All right. We'll uh, we can try an experiment then," I say.

Jade grins. "You gonna seduce her?"

Both Tori and I nearly choke at that. "No!" I squeak. "I was thinking more like get some guy to ask her out and see what she does."

Tori nods at that plan and Jade's smirk drops, but she shrugs. "I guess that'll work." I relax into my seat for a moment until she adds, "For now."

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><p><strong>Mikayla's POV<strong>

"Ah-choo!" I sneeze for the third time in a row, groaning as Justin comes back into my room, bringing a bowl of soup and a thermometer.

"I just don't see how you could get sick out here, it's eighty-four degrees today," he sighs, slipping the instrument into my mouth. "Under your tongue," he instructs and I do so, feeling like utter crap.

Maybe I didn't have such good judgment when I decided to fall asleep in Miley's dreams while holding her in the middle of a storm. I was so lost to the fantasy of it all that I completely forgot I'm literally affected by whatever happens in that realm. The other downside is that my ass is sore as hell from when she woke up on her own and I was expelled from her dream-state, crashing to my bedroom floor at six a.m. Remind me to leave on my own next time because that shit hurt.

Justin takes the thermometer out, reading my temperature. "99.7 degrees. I don't think you have a fever, just a cold maybe. Do you want to stay home?"

I have less than twenty minutes to get to school, but since I took a shower already, I know I'll make it in time.

"Nah, since I'm new, it'll look bad if I don't go. Besides, it'll probably get worse tomorrow, I'll save my sick day."

Justin frowns as he stands back, really looking at me.

"What?" I ask.

"Nothing. You're just, you seem different, Alex. There are times when you're your normal self, but then at others, I don't know. You're sick and willing to go to school. You seem more mature, you're actually taking an interest in magic, what's going on?"

I lift the bowl up directly to my mouth, ignoring the spoon and guzzle down the chicken soup for time's sake, making him roll his eyes.

"Never mind," he mumbles. "I have a monster to locate and capture today, so I'll see you in the evening."

"Wait, Justin," I say, putting down the bowl and wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. "The reason I'm trying more is because I actually care for the first time. At Tribeca Prep, no one really bothered with what I did. Here, I have a chance at accomplishing something that's my own. Maybe that's why I'm taking an interest."

I really hope he buys this because if I lose my cover as Alex now, that'll open up a whole new set of problems I'm just not ready to deal with.

He has a thoughtful expression as he moves towards the door. "That's not true, Alex. There was one person at Tribeca that bothered with what you did."

I smile at that, thinking for a second that Alex really has a considerate brother. "You?"

He snorts, saying "No! Harper, uh duh!"

My smile drops and I pick up my spoon.

"Wait, hey, Alex –"

"Jerk!" I yell, chucking the utensil at him and he dodges it before ducking out of my room. He laughs all the way to the kitchen while I drag myself out of bed to change my clothes.

Next time I decide to dream travel, I should bring a poncho.

I grab my book bag and a light jacket, then head into the kitchen where Justin's packing what resembles a camping kit. He stops and comes over to me, pressing a hand against my forehead. Why do people keep doing that?

"Kind of warm. Here, I packed you some stuff," he says, handing over a black thermos. I accept it curiously. "It's soup," he clarifies.

I actually don't mind taking this to school since the hot liquid does make me feel less stuffy. "And if you get hungry and feel like you can eat, here's a dish of crackers and also –" he runs over to the fridge, taking out a bottle. "Some ginger ale if you get thirsty.

I study the three items that he's pretty much shoved into my arms and crack a smile as I look up at him. "Justin, I'm sick, not pregnant." I toss the crackers and bottle back at him which he fumbles with, but catches.

"If you were pregnant, I wouldn't give you food. I would give you away."

I grin. "That's a good one actually, I won't even make you feel bad for it," I reply, then realize I'm going to be late for class. "Crap, gotta go."

"Be careful not to hurt the baby!" he yells after me.

"Get yourself a better nickname, Justin!" I shout back, hearing his disgruntled "Alex!" as I exit the apartment and rush to school.

I make it to Sikowitz's class just as the bell rings, sweat dripping down my face while my nose is all runny. I fall into a chair in the middle of the room, pull out a tissue and blow, making other students stare at me.

Miley's in the front row, sitting between Jade and Tori. She turns, her eyes meeting mine and then her gaze drops to the thermos that I've tucked between my legs. She sort of smiles at me and I don't even know how to react.

It's like the first time I saw her freshman year at Seaview High and my heart would skyrocket whenever the pretty girl looked at me. She was that pretty girl and now I feel like a loser, sitting here with my chicken soup and crumpled tissues. So I just stare back mid nose-blow with my eyes all wide.

Tori murmurs something and that thankfully makes Miley look away, giving me a chance to settle my suddenly awkward self.

"Alex, hey!" the most chipper voice in the world calls and on my left is Cat, sitting two seats away.

"Hi, Cat," I return with a half-smile.

"Are you sick? You look sick. My brother's friend is sick, but he's always sick after he drinks chocolate smoothies. What's in that thing? Is it a smoothie?"

What is she on? I mean, does no one think this girl is just a little too hyper? I give her a wary smile this time and decide to avoid asking about her brother or his friend. "It's not a smoothie. It's soup because I am sick."

"Aw, how did you get sick? You looked normal yesterday!"

"Cat, stop badgering the new girl," I hear Beck say and turn to see that he's taken a seat right behind me with Robbie and the puppet, Rex next him, while Andre goes to the front, pulling a chair next to Tori.

Robbie completely avoids eye contact with me, probably because I shoved Rex in a garbage can.

"Was I badgering you, Alex?" Cat asks, looking frightened and I have to smile at the completely innocent expression she's giving me.

"No, it's fine."

"So, soup?" Beck asks and before Cat can say anything, he holds out a bag of gummy bears like some kind of candy drug dealer and Cat, being the junkie, snatches it with a delighted squeal.

"Yeah, soup," I murmur, glancing at the large clock in front because class began three minutes ago and Sikowitz is still not here.

Slumping in my seat, I just gaze at Miley, thinking back on last night and the way she blamed herself for everything. It was like I had to talk her off a ledge and she'd keep pulling away, saying that she doesn't deserve happiness. Sure she looks fine now, but I know what's going on underneath all that. Somehow, I have to make her see that she's not alone and that she doesn't have to hide.

At that thought, I become a little disgusted because here I am, wanting her to come out with her insecurities when I myself have to hide.

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><p><strong>Miley's POV<strong>

"No, Andre! I will not dress up as your grandma again!" Tori argues and all I can do is look at Jade with a raised brow, mouthing the word "again?" before she shrugs and taps away at her red pear phone, on some website called TheSlap.

"Tori, come on. You already have the wig and you do it so well," Andre reasons. "I just need some inspiration. Can't you help a friend out? You know if you needed me to dress up as an old person and scream at you, I'd do it in a heartbeat."

She crosses her arms and slowly groans in defeat. "Fine, but I'll only do it for an hour, no more!"

Jumping to his feet, Andre does a little victory spin, thanking Tori before he walks off with the promise to be at her house promptly at 5:00 p.m.

I look back to see Andre sitting next to Beck and Robbie and drawn as I am, my gaze slips onto Alex whose brow is furrowed in concentration and I'm a little intrigued. What's she focused on?

Her chest heaves a little and her eyes widen, then shut as she sneezes into a tissue. I hold back a laugh at how funny she looks, sniffling and wiping her nose, but the humor quickly fades and a distinct panic hits me because for a moment, I see Mikayla.

"Stop staring," Jade growls under her breath. "You're no good at being discreet."

"I've never been a discreet person," I mutter, irritated by myself and Tori nudges me with her shoulder.

"When are we doing our little experiment?" she asks. "Are we paying a guy to ask her out? I know a decent one."

Jade scoffs. "Tori, we all know of one guy we won't have to pay." Tori doesn't seem to follow and when Jade finally looks at her, it's to grimace. "Don't play coy, Vega. He'll do it if you ask."

Then Tori looks like she's been hit with a bag of bricks. Right in the gut. "Jade!" she whisper-yells. "I will not! He's your ex and that'd just be weird!"

"But I trust you," Jade says, leaning forward to look at Tori directly and suddenly I feel like a fly on the wall of a conversation I shouldn't be hearing. "And I might be stubborn, but I'm not stupid. Beck's the best looking guy in this school. He has to be the one to ask her out."

Tori seems thrown off and sighs, playing with her fingers in her lap. "It seems wrong."

Jade smirks. "But you'll do it, _right_?" The force at the end of that question makes it unquestionable that there's no room refuse.

"Fine, during lunch break," Tori mumbles.

"You two have issues," I say and Tori chuckles.

"Tell me about it."

Just as Jade is about to reply, the door bursts open and in comes Sikowitz, juggling three boxes in one arm as he sips from a little coconut like it's his own brand of caffeine.

"Class, what do you all know about clairvoyant acting?" he asks. When there's enough silence to hear non-existent crickets, the teacher drops his boxes on the floor and sighs. "Okay, different approach. Who knows what the word clairvoyant means?"

"Uh, like mind-reading?" Robbie asks.

"You're on the right track, but no," Sikowitz answers, making the boy's shoulder's drop. "Clairvoyance is about having a keen, intuitive understanding of things, or in this case, people."

"So it's like reading someone as you act?" Beck questions.

"Precisely! And so I have a little exercise for you all. I need two volunteers to get up in front and they express what they're feeling, no body language, no facial expressions. Basically, try to have a conversation without words! Any takers?"

When no one replies, he crosses his arms, tapping his chin as he looks around. "Hmm, Jade, up up!"

With a groan, she stands, shoving her phone in her jacket pocket as she goes to the stage. "And to join her, how about you, Alex?"

"You've got to be kidding," Jade drones as the whole class turns to Alex who's staring back with wide eyes as she sniffles into her tissue.

"Oh right, me," I hear her say as she hops up, setting her flask on the chair before quickly joining Jade on stage.

"Alright, so you're going to gaze at one another and then tell us what the other is thinking."

Alex looks at Sikowitz with a frown before asking, "Wait, we just stare at each other?"

"Yep," he confirms, dead-serious.

Shrugging, she faces Jade and they just look into one another's eyes for a very long time.

"I bet Jade is trying to mentally slap her," Tori jokes and I can't help but grin at the very possible theory.

As the time goes by, Alex shoves her hands into her pockets and crinkles her nose as if trying not to sneeze in Jade's face.

"Jade, tell us what Alex is thinking," Sikowitz requests.

"She's thinking she should have showered this morning."

Alex seems unfazed by the comment as the class laughs before she turns and says, "Actually, Jade's not far off. I was thinking that someone needs a shower, but she mistook who it was."

Sikowitz clicks his tongue at the both of them in a disapproving manner.

"Take this seriously, you two! Alex, what was Jade thinking?"

Alex looks a little thoughtful and I notice how she glances towards me for a moment. "Probably that I should walk in front of a speeding car."

If the distress isn't clear on my face, it certainly is in the way I stop breathing for a second while gripping the sides of my chair tightly.

"She's actually right," Jade states as she gets off stage and returns to her seat, Alex doing the same.

Alex couldn't know about Mikayla and how she died. Why would she say that? I mean, Jade might have considered it, sure, but still. It couldn't be a coincidence. She even looked at me right before she said it!

"Well, not the best example, but you get the idea," the teacher says before he goes on in explaining how crucial intuition and awareness of others is in the acting business.

It's almost impossible to stay seated for the rest of class, but once the bell rings, I practically jump out of my seat and before I can book it out of here, Tori catches hold of my arm.

"Whoa, slow your roll there, Miley. What's wrong?"

Well if there's one intuitive actor in this room, it has to be her. I lean in and say it low enough for her to hear. "Mikayla was hit by a car, that's how she died."

At first Tori doesn't make much of it, but a moment passes by and her jaw drops, her gaze immediately on the already vacant seat Alex was in. "No, you don't think…" she murmurs.

"I do, I do think."

"What do you think?" Jade demands when she realizes we're both having a mini freak-out. After Tori fills her in, she shakes her head, glaring at the door. "Oh, she's just asking for trouble now. Go talk to Beck already, Vega. Mission expose Alex is underway."

* * *

><p><strong>Mikayla's POV<strong>

Holy fucking hell, was I trying to out myself? I couldn't even help it. I just looked at Miley and bam, the cleverly messed up words came tumbling out of my mouth.

"Alex, are you sitting with us for lunch?" Cat asks as I grovel with my head practically inside of my locker.

"No, go on without me."

"Kay kay!"

About ten seconds later, I feel a tap at my shoulder.

"I said no, Cat. I wanna be alone."

"Last time I checked, my hair wasn't red."

I finally pull my head from the dark little space and see that it's Beck, relaxed and smiling. He's decked out in his nice outfit of those combat boots I'd seen him in yesterday and jeans with a brown jacket along with hair from some kind of male shampoo commercial. Haha, Aladdin. I can't get that image out of my head. I bet in the right clothes, he'd look princely.

"Oh, hey."

"Everything all right with you?" he asks.

I toss the now empty thermos inside the locker along with my history textbook since I just got out of that class and then shut it. "Other than this runny nose, painful sneezing every five minutes and a headache that I can feel killing my brain cells, yeah, I'm just fine."

He smiles as if my sarcasm amuses him before he leans against the lockers. "I came over to ask if you'd like to hang out sometime."

"We're hanging out right now, aren't we?" I question, feeling a little bad because he seems surprised that I don't jump at what he's asking.

"Well, yeah. I meant outside of school though."

"Like in the Asphalt café?" Sure I'm playing dumb, but technically that is outside of school – the school building, at least.

"No, like on date," he finally makes clear. "I know a great place that serves sushi and they have karaoke. We don't have to go today, but maybe when you feel better?"

"I really am sorry, Beck, but I don't know you that well and you're not my type."

"What? I'm everyone's type," he replies with a subtle hint of confusion.

I don't doubt he is, but there's something about Beck that's a little bit boring. I mean, when I did the skit with him in class before, he seemed so much more animated and like a character. But outside of his acting, he's just a really nice guy so far. I wonder if there's something more to him, something that gels him into this really smooth, kind, but almost drone-like persona. Maybe that's why he's in this school. Maybe acting gives him characters he can be if he can't be himself.

Dramatically, I say, "It's not you –" and before I can finish the lame cliché, he breaks out into a laugh.

"Oh, it's not definitely not me," he agrees. "Can't blame a guy for asking though. If you ever do change your mind, let me know and if you want, I'll save you a seat, outside of school, at the Asphalt café," he chuckles and I mean to laugh, but it ends up as a devastating sneeze mixed in with the f-word because it burns my throat like I drank liquid fire. So I just give him a meek wave before he walks away and when I slam my head into the locker door and look to the left, it's to see Miley standing there alone at what I'm guessing is her own locker.

She's got this questioning stare on me and I can't break away from it, but it's Jade who walks by, stealing Miley's attention and all I want right now is a moment alone with her. Yet, I can't see how to get it, so I know for a fact that despite how sick I am, I'll be tearing through Justin's books again to find a spell to take away my cold so I can enter her dreams again.

This time though, I plan to talk to her about Alex, not about her regrets because so long as she focuses on waiting for me as myself, as Mikayla, to come save her, she won't see that she has this new me to fall in love with.

When Sofiel told me to prove my love with Miley, I thought she'd be alone and that I'd walk into her life and pick her back up. Yet, if she's not alone, if she has friends, people to make her smile and if she's doing fine, who's to say she really ever needed me?

What if my death was helping her to let go and what if it's my return that's the problem?


	14. A World That's Not This One

**Never Letting Go**

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><p><strong>Ameha Kay<strong>: Lol, I'm pretty happy with the progress as well [: That's the beauty of Disney, the characters are timeless and just for you, I'm gonna bring back the Aladdin joke one more time :p

**Darksaber92**: Thank you :]

**Gunner3284**: Here's your update and thanks so much, really, I was elated to hear you liked the ending ^.^

**DoIHaveTo**: Cheerios are alright, but I would have preferred something like Reese's puffs, haha. Aw, I hope you had a good time though L:

**SellyCyrus**: I appreciate the compliment and I try my best with the characters :3 Hm, another dream sequence, you say? c: Thank you though and enjoy, lol.

**Midnight Wolves**: Aw, thanks. I'm glad to have you join and here you are :]

**Mythical Mania**: I saw Man of Steel too and yes, Superman is awesome ^.^ Lmfao, oh god…Cat throwing herself at Alex? I think I can see that too actually, haha. Cat's so innocent though, but still, lolol. Thanks for the lovely review, it made me laugh and enjoy the update c:

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><p><strong>AN**: I won't lie, I've felt a little shaky getting back into this story, but I'm working past that to hopefully do it justice. I'm slowly finding my way.

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><p><strong>Chapter 14<strong>: A World That's Not This One

* * *

><p><strong>Miley's POV<strong>

"Alex rejected you…" Tori repeats, disbelief ringing through her voice.

For some reason, Jade, Tori, Beck and I gathered inside a janitor's closet for privacy to hear the results of the favor Tori requested from him.

Jade sits on top of an old, red tool chest, while Beck stands furthest from her by the door and I'm just in a corner with Tori in the middle of us all.

"Yep, she said I'm not her type."

"Male," Jade coughs so he can't hear and my gut tightens because if she is gay, then that's just one more puzzle piece telling me Alex isn't Alex which still makes no logical sense at all.

"Why are you so interested anyway?" Beck asks, sneaking a glance at Jade, then me, his brow wrinkled in question.

Tori looks around uncomfortably, trying to play it off. "No reason."

Beck doesn't back down though and Tori catches my eye.

Shrugging, I wave my hand as if to say go ahead, tell him.

"We think she's um… a lesbian, and we wanted to see how she'd react to a guy asking her out."

Beck doesn't show a response right away, in fact, if anything, he seems to not be responding at all.

"Say something!" Jade snaps, aggravated with his silence.

Pulling on the strap of his messenger bag, he shrugs. "I don't know what to say. That's a pretty personal thing. Why are you trying to out her?"

"No one's trying to out her, we're just…curious," Tori answers.

Beck's head tilts and he studies Tori for a moment, then glances at Jade as if unsure whether or not to say what's on his mind, but when Jade passively gestures for him to speak, he scratches the back of his head awkwardly. "Tori, I know you said you didn't want to date me because of your friendship with Jade, which I completely understand and stand by. But is the other reason…I mean, do you want to know if Alex is…that way, because…you're that way?"

Jade is the first one to react, bursting out in laughter. "Tori Vega liking girls! Not in a million years would she ruin her pristine perfect image to jump on that bandwagon!"

Tori sputters in response. "Pfft, you don't know what I'd do!" Then as if horrified by her own exclamation, she turns to Beck. "I'm not the one interested in Alex!" she huffs out, pulling the closet door open so she can escape before Jade has the chance to say anything else.

Beck stares after her for a moment before catching the door to stop it from closing. He looks back and frowns. "Alex is nice. If she is gay or whatever, she didn't mention it or turn me down coldly because of it. She even tolerates Cat's uniqueness and let's face it, no one can ever fully understand Robbie so long as he's with Rex. I think she'd make a good friend, lesbian or not, so please Jade, don't make her a target for your own entertainment."

"If you're done with the lecture, your lunch awaits," is the curt reply from Jade who doesn't defend herself and Beck leaves.

"You could have told him it's me who's interested."

She stares at me blankly. "No."

Stepping out of my corner and in front of Jade, I place a hand on her knee, urging her to explain.

Her greenish-blues suddenly look a lot duller. "When he loved me, he never assumed I did things without a reason. Beck used to listen. He used to care enough to force me to talk to him. We're barely even friends now and it's impossible to be around him. You know, of all the things he could have done, he tried to kiss Tori after we broke up and he knew how much I always feared him and her getting together, because it meant that our love was inevitably doomed. It makes me think back to the day he walked away from me. Was he thinking of simply ending it with me or starting things with her?"

"What stopped him from kissing her?" I ask, my hand dropping from Jade's knee.

She shrugs like it doesn't mean much. "Tori did. I accidentally saw the whole thing and he even tried to convince her by saying that I wasn't much of a friend to Tori, that she didn't have to worry about my feelings, but Vega's always been, you know…"

"Nice?"

"Irritatingly good."

We both smile at that. One thing I've noticed about Jade is that she smirks more than she smiles, but when she does smile, it's very small and very subtle.

"Look at you," I tease. "Opening up and all that."

Her eyes roll. "Well, you are better conversation when you're not losing your mind and digging graves at midnight. By the way, if you tell anyone what I've just told you –"

"I know, you'll kill me and then some."

When Jade doesn't make a move to leave, I retreat back into the corner and sink down to the floor. She's silent and so am I. We don't have much more to say, but while she's lost in her own thoughts, I wish I could outrun mine.

* * *

><p><strong>Mikayla's POV <strong>

The Asphalt café is pretty amazing. It's one huge open space with many colorful tables and benches as well as a few vendors selling different sorts of food. I'm most in need of something filling since all I've been eating is soup and that only goes so far.

I decide on some kind of wrap, maybe turkey or chicken, but when I head up to the vendor that sells them, I realize that it's Tori's animated figure up front, waving a few bills in one hand at the guy in the truck.

"Come on, Festus! I'm only a dollar short. I'll pay you back tomorrow, I swear!"

"No, if I let you pay in pieces, then others will ask to pay in pieces, so no money, no food," the vendor says firmly.

Tori continues pleading and explaining that she hasn't eaten all day, and feeling a little sorry for her, I dig through my pockets, pulling out a crumpled dollar bill. When I hold it up to Festus, she looks over her shoulder, then jolts a little as if she's scared of me.

Festus takes the dollar I'm offering, then snatches the bills from Tori's outstretched hand before giving her the desired sandwich. She's all startled by the whole transaction and I decide to just order for myself while she calms down.

"One chicken wrap and a bottle of water."

"Four dollars and fifty cents," he says, tossing the two items in a paper bag with some tissues before holding it out. I pay him and turn back to Tori who's still rooted to her spot.

Rather than wait for any words that she may choke out, I wave at her. "You're welcome." With that, I head off, looking for an empty table, something I find quickly.

"Sorry, and thank you," Tori says just as I take a seat and start opening my wrap.

"Don't worry about it."

Without asking, she sits down across from me and I pause to look at her.

"You don't have to sit with me, the dollar was out of pity, not friendship."

She begins opening her sandwich, then takes a large bite out of it. She wasn't kidding about not eating all day and even with a stuffed mouth, she manages to speak clearly. "Seriously, thank you, Alex and sorry. It's just been a weird day, week. Life."

I laugh at that because it's something I completely get.

"Who is it?" I ask and she pauses mid-bite to stare at me, mouth agape so I unfortunately see the chewed contents.

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh, don't pretend. I've been exactly where you are right now. You're a mess, you're all scattered, and you look tired as hell. The only time someone looks like that is when they're pushing themselves too much for someone else."

She sighs and drops her sandwich, looking ready to cry. Feeling bad when she hiccups, I gently roll my bottle of water across the table. "Thanks," she manages, twisting the cap off before taking a long gulp. When she finishes, she rests her chin on her hand. "It's nothing."

"Sure," I say and continue eating, but I guess she can't keep it in.

"If you love someone who's in love with someone else, why the hell would you still love them?"

Thoughtfully, I say, "I figure it's because you hope things will change and maybe one day, they'll love you back."

She shoves a hand in her hair and shakes her head with some kind of puzzled rage. "It just makes no sense to me! You do and you do and you do, and what the hell do you get for it? More spite, more indifference, more distance."

I dare not speak when she intensely focuses on me as if I hold the answers.

"I mean, Alex. Can you tell me why any sane person would put up with so much crap? Imagine, just imagine that you like this person, but you know they'll never feel the same, so you fight it. You even go so far as to date other people, to pretend most of the time not to care as much as you do, but when that one chance arises to be close to them, like a lovesick moron, you take it! You take it just for one moment of holding their hand, or for a hug that's over as fast as you can blink. Do you know how degrading it is? And when they tell you to do something, you pretend to argue, but you know you'll do what they want because you just don't want to be the cause of their unhappiness, little or big! But in the end, when you really ask yourself, would they do the same for you, you're out of luck and out of hope because you know they won't because there's someone else and that someone else is great, so what's the point?"

She lifts a piece of the bread to her mouth, then tosses it down in disgust.

Picking at my own food, I wait for her to take a calming breath before asking, "How long have you been holding that one in?"

"Too long," she mutters.

"Why tell me?"

She frowns as if she doesn't really know. "It's been building for a while and I can't tell anyone. Literally, all my friends can't know and you just, you're nice. You're honest. Sort of. Fine, it beats me, okay."

I laugh and nod. "Okay." I already know Tori is talking about Jade. Jade's the spiteful, mean, indifferent one. I decide not to say anything though since Tori held back on sharing a name. "By the way, you need a break from this person."

"What?"

"Whoever they are, if they really love someone else, then you need to figure out if a slow breakdown is worth it or if you want to step back and maybe give them a chance to see what things are like without you."

"You think I haven't tried that?" she says. "Trust me, the more I pull away, the harder it gets. Every chance I think I can finally breathe, something always comes up. It's a losing battle and I'm just waiting to be crushed more than I already am."

"You hit rock bottom, that's on you."

"At least when I get there, I'll know it's finally over."

Touché, Tori Vega, touché.

* * *

><p><strong>Miley's POV <strong>

Jade decided to stay in the closet while I chose to venture out. Walking along the empty halls of Hollywood Arts, I make the most of the fifteen minutes left for lunch break and find the café outside. As I try to figure out what I want most, I'm a little struck by the sight of Tori and Alex sitting together.

For a second, I wonder if it's possible that Tori actually would be interested in her. Unsure of how I feel about that, I watch the way they interact and to be fair, it seems like Tori's stressed out and venting, but I trust her enough to believe she wouldn't tell Alex all about our conspiracies or about Mikayla.

Beck said that Alex is nice and as I observe them, I see what looks like concern from her for Tori. I've even noticed the way Cat's warmed up to her and how she gets along with Andre. It's just her and Jade that don't get along, but that's Jade with pretty much everyone.

Then Alex smiles and says something that makes Tori relax her shoulders and though I can't see her expression, I can tell she's smiling too. When they take bites of their lunch, I realize I'm supposed to be getting food, but instead there are tears slipping down my face. I'm not crying or shaking or breaking down, yet there are tears steadily flowing, fresh and free. It's a daydream, really. If I squint just right, it's Mikayla and she's comforting a friend because she's too kind despite the way she thinks she's a badass.

With the way the sunlight hits her, it's Mikayla eating, an act I've seen her do countless times with so much energy because she was in love with food as much as she was in love with me.

Before I lost her, whenever I thought about us living together, making a family as unorthodox as my father claimed it would be, I imagined a little girl with Mikayla's crooked smile, dark eyes, natural complexion…her spirit, her hunger. I can even close my own eyes now and see Mikayla at the dinner table, her and that little girl running around, both hyper, both happy, both crazy in the best way. Yet, in this daydream, I'd be in the middle of it, not afar, watching and imagining.

I pull back and out of their line of sight to lean against the building.

_We could have had that, Mikayla. We could have had the little girl and the small home and the loving life with matching rings and a vow of forever. _

And for some reason when I think that, I hear her reply. _Then why didn't we?_

_Coward that I am, I gave up too easy. _

For the second time this school week, I can't bear to make it through an entire day and I regret accepting a ride from Jade because now I find myself walking home. It's not far, but it takes longer than I'd like before I enter my house, go up the stairs and stumble into bed.

A knock at the door surprises me because I thought I was alone and when I sit up on an elbow and rasp out a low "Come in," I'm surprised to see it's Siena of all people.

"Miley, you're home early."

"Yeah…why are you here?"

She smiles politely and locks my door, taking two steps towards me and in my head I'm yelling at her to stop there, to come forward no further.

"Your brother asked me to pick a textbook he forgot and drop it on my way to school."

"Oh, okay." That doesn't explain how she got in, but I'll just assume he gave her a key.

"Can we talk, Miley?"

"What about?"

She bends her arms behind her back, deliberating for a moment. "Jackson and I were discussing how things have been with you lately and we thought that maybe, if you were open to it, we could get you some professional help. I mean, coping –"

That has me on my feet, cutting the model turned college girl off. "Coping?" I demand. "Mikayla died. No amount of coping will change or better that. For God's sake, her corpse is probably still fresh in its coffin and you all have the nerve to think I'm not coping well enough? Thank God I haven't gone and murdered someone by now, or driven off the highway, or just plain died in my sleep with how fucking sad I am! Coping. Hah, cope is all I've been doing, but when I don't do it exactly as Jackson expects me to or how my dad wants me to, it's wrong. I made two really good friends and they've helped me cope, but does anyone see that? They see me doing what they expect of me. The worst. I still don't know what I've done to deserve such shitty support from my family. I don't get it. My life is completely twisted around. I literally had the girl of my dreams die in my arms. Fuck, if I don't deserve people walking around on eggshells in case I break because of it! But no, if I so much as say what I feel or express some of this deeply repressed anger, it's off to Doctor Psychotherapy! I'm sorry I can't plaster a smile on my face and go around singing about the rainbow in my ass and the sunshine in my hair, but you know what, at least I am coping! I get out of bed in the morning and that should be enough until I say I'm ready for more. If the people called my family can't accept that, then by all means, they need professional help because I am done with this."

Without a word, Siena nods curtly, slipping out of my room and I know Jackson will be hearing of this, but good. He should know that I'm the one who got screwed over and whether he likes it or not, he needs to be patient. I tried this morning, but he's warped everything around and I won't stand for this level of bullshit anymore. My dad already avoids me. What should I care if my brother joins him?

I fall back in bed, tired and angry. Sleep is immediate and so I lose myself to it because on some level, I know better things await in a world that's not this one.

* * *

><p><strong>Mikayla's POV<strong>

I wade through thick mud that with each step sinks me lower and lower into the ground. Tonight is different though, it's not pitch black, it's a dusky evening.

When I got home from school earlier, I managed to find a spell that immunes me to natural ailments, causing my cold to vanish and allowing me to come back to Miley's dreams. It's amazing how much magic can do, but it can only aid my goal, not take me to it completely.

I feel like I've been trekking through this thick gunk for miles now, but what keeps me going is that I see footsteps, telling me that Miley's somewhere around.

Knee deep in the stuff, I keep going until finally, I reach the end. It's a sea of mud and I find the shore. She's here, sitting alone, by a fire that gives off an orange glow in the dark blue setting. Her back is turned to me as I approach and stopping behind her, I fall to my knees, wrapping my arms around Miley, bringing her to me in an exhausted hug.

"They all think I'm crazy," she murmurs.

Resting my chin on her shoulder, I ask, "Who does?"

"Dad, Jackson, Siena, they think I need help. Maybe I do." But as she says this, the fire grows to a bright red, like Miley's angry and causing the heat to rise. Last night I was cold and soaked in rain, tonight I'm burning up and dripping with sweat.

"Since when do you let what they think bother you?"

She turns in my arms, her hands sliding up my chest, feeling me as she holds my face. Her eyes are dim and pained as she searches mine. "Mikayla, it's what they thought that made me leave you." She looks down. "I pretend to be strong, but I've never been. All I am is a coward."

"I wouldn't love you if I believed that. You tried to be strong for your family. You believed in them and it's not your fault. Family is supposed to look out for you. You did the right thing, it's them who couldn't see what's in your heart. That's their burden to bear, not yours."

Her arms circle around my neck and she leans into me, her face buried against my shoulder. "I wish you could come back with me when I wake up."

I frown. "What do you mean?"

"I know this is a dream, but when I wake up I never remember. No matter how much I come here and lose myself with you, it doesn't matter because I have to wake up and forget."

I never realized that the Miley in this dream realm would actually know these things. It makes me wonder. "Miley, do you remember me last night?"

I feel her lips curve even through the material of my shirt. "Yes, you saved me from drowning. You always save me."

My heart picks up, a little excited, a little freaked out. "How can you? I thought dreams disappear when you awaken."

Her body shakes against mine with laughter. "Mikayla, this is the first time you're asking such odd questions. Don't you understand? This is a world completely separate from the real one. Every person has this, they just don't know. I know because I'm a different level of myself, one that when awake, I can't tap into unless by accident."

I nod and hold her closer, not wanting to question the mechanics of how this all works with the headache I feel coming on.

"Let's go home," she says, standing and I'm about to ask what she's talking about, but when I look around the mud is all gone, the fire has vanished and I'm standing in the middle of a beach with her. It resembles Malibu and when I turn, it's to see a cozy shack a few yards away.

"Miley…" I murmur as she leads me towards it.

"Mommy, mommy, look at my sand castle! Isn't it pretty?" a voice yells.

I freeze when a young girl comes running up towards us. She can't be more than five years old. Miley has this soft smile and I know immediately who this girl is. The same smile I see in the mirror, my own complexion, the brown eyes. I can't help the stray tears that fall as she jumps into my arms. I cradle her like a baby and she giggles. Her tiny hand reaches out for Miley who accepts it, pressing long kisses to her small cheeks.

"Hey sweetie, did you finish your homework?" Miley asks.

The girl has a guilty expression and burrows further into me as if I'm a safety zone. "I was, but then I saw mommy and I missed her."

"All right, but now that mommy's here, you have to finish your homework," Miley reasons.

The child looks up at me with the most radiant smile. "You can help me, it's math!"

I hate math, but nod mutely and put the girl down when we enter the house. The walls are a soft pink and the carpet is a lush red.

She races around with so much vigor before carrying a blue backpack over to me. I sort of drop down onto the lazy boy chair next to a decorative black table to catch my breath and I don't even know where Miley's gone off to now.

"Look what Gramma got me," she says excitedly, fishing out a multi-colored pen. Without waiting, she climbs into my lap and starts opening her books, taking my hands and using them to hold whatever she items she needs me to.

I can't explain how heartbroken I am. How beautiful this scene is. The little girl looks up at me and then her vivid happiness diminishes.

"Don't cry, mommy. I'll be good, I promise."

How can I say I long for this to be real when this girl feels as real as I am? She reaches up with her tiny fingers, wiping the tears away.

"I love you," she says as if swearing it, trying to prove herself. "Don't you love me?"

God, this is killing me. I let go of the books and pull her into a tight hug as I stand to crush her to me. "Of course I love you, of course I do."

"Then come back to my mommy. Don't let her be so sad." I shake as I hold this magnificent little being. I choke on tears and it makes no sense to be so emotional over a made-up child.

"Yes, come back," Miley whispers and I see her standing in a doorway, holding a tray with three glasses of juice and a plate of chocolate chip cookies.

Putting the girl despite her attempts to come back into my arms, I take a step back.

"Don't leave, mommy! Don't leave," she cries, but I can't stay. I rush through the front door and pull out my wand. "Please mommy! Come back!"

"Mikayla!" Miley begs.

I collapse to my knees on the sand and barely manage to gasp the words, "Somnium exitum!"

Just like that, I'm in my bedroom, a confused mess because I want so bad to go back, but I can't. I can't indulge in the life Miley wants when I have to show her a different one.

It's past 2:00 a.m. and I pick myself off the floor, my feet dragging as I enter the bathroom to wash my face. The spells wears off now that I'm back to reality and I watch in the mirror as I transform into Alex again. Reality is slowly becoming my worst nightmare and I wonder how it is that a person can wake from a dream, feeling more frightened out of it than when they were in it.


End file.
